My father did not have a formal education, but he was one of the smartest men I've ever known. Wise enough to step into the background and let mother teach us things he could not grasp, yet teach us to say, "Yes sir, no ma'am, please and thank you."
Dad took us everywhere. He taught me to fish and respect the outdoors. More importantly, he taught me to respect my elders, a virtue that has rewarded me repeatedly throughout my life.
Dad served in the U.S. Coast Guard during World War II and was an excellent cook, having learned so in the service. The fact of the matter is that my Dad taught my Mom how to cook.
Although Mom was the day-to-day disciplinarian of the family, Dad had the final say. Woe be unto the child that had to face Dad once Mom had given up and called in the reinforcements.
As we all know, no Father or Mother is perfect, but my parents raised three children on limited income. The funny thing is that we never did without and I never felt poor, although I was aware that some had more than others.
All things considered, my Father was an important part of my life and I miss him daily. He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. Happy Father's Day to my Dad in heaven.....
The News As I See It: "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." ~ Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi" Atlantic Monthly, 1874
It is being reported that the Democratic National Committee was hacked by the Russians. Hey, maybe they know where Hillary's emails are.
According to the Social Security Administration, the most popular baby names in 2016 are Noah and Emma. Least popular baby names? Donald and Hillary.
Bernie Sanders is upset because he says his fundraising dinners didn't raise as much money as Hillary Clinton's. Well, of course they didn't. Nobody wants to eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.
In Virginia, a computer crash wiped out a decade's worth of U.S. military data. However, this morning, the Chinese government called and said no problem, we backed it up.
The FDA has approved a device for weight loss that sucks the food out of your stomach through an abdominal incision. As an alternative, you could try a salad every now and then.
This Date In History: 1775;
The Battle of Bunker Hill took place during the American Revolution.
1885;
The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the French ship Isere.
1928;
Amelia Earhart embarked on the first trans-Atlantic flight by a woman.
1944;
The Republic of Iceland was established.
1963;
U.S. Supreme Court ruled that no locality may require recitation of Lord's Prayer or Bible verses in public schools.
1972;
Burglary of Democratic Party headquarters in Washington, DC, started the Watergate political scandal.
1994;
O. J. Simpson's slow-speed chase by the police, watched by millions on TV, ended in his arrest.
2002;
Australian scientists announced that they had "teleported" a laser beam—breaking it up and reconstructing it in another location.
Picture Of The Day: The most valuable gift a child can receive is spending time with his father.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The "eye roll" was created by Eve in the Garden of Eden within 15 min of her first conversation with Adam.
2) I call Realtors advertising on bus stop benches and ask them the bus schedule. 3) My friend told the Starbucks waiter that his name is Stephen with a "ph". The cup came back reading "PHEVEN". 4) People who go to the store and buy a single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy. 5) When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?".....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 17th: I'm no attorney, but admitting to shooting the sheriff is not a good alibi when being accused of shooting the deputy.
Birthdays: John Wesley, English evangelical preacher, founder of Methodism 1703, James Weldon Johnson, author, educator 1871, Igor Stravinsky, composer 1882, M. C. Escher, artist 1898, Dan Jansen, skater 1965, Venus Williams, tennis player 1980.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Murray spotted his pal Hiram in the park and they sat down on the park bench to talk. Murray was elated and he said to Hiram, "I've got a new hearing aid and I can finally hear the birds sing and the rustle of the leaves in tha Autumn breeze." Hiram smiled and nodded his approval.
Murray raved on, "Hiram, in the bedroom, I can hear every "sweet nothing" that comes out my bride, Rose's mouth. Yes Murray, this new hearing aid cost me a bundle, but it was worth every penney!" Hiram said, "That's great Murray, what kind is it?" Murray said, "4:15".
A guy goes into a bar and complains of a headache. The bartender tells him says, "Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom and the headache goes away."
The next day at the bar, the bartender says, "Did you do what I told you to?" The guy says, "Yes, I sure did and my headache went away. By the way, you have a nice house!"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne."
The farmer said, "What a coincidence, it is a special day for me. I'm celebrating." The woman said, "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!"
While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?" The woman replied, "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."
The farmer said, "What a coincidence. I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."
The woman said, "This is awesome! What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?" The farmer said, "I used a different rooster." The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The Black curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of Blacks in a predominately White, patriarchal society.
He pointed out, "In fact, some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about." The couple asked, "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?"
The Scottish man said, "Because I'm the guy who painted it. In fact, there are no Blacks or homosexuals depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The only difference is that the guy in the middle went home for lunch."
That's it for today, my little black eyed pesa. Remember, give a liberal a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a liberal to fish, he'll add to the global over-depletion of the oceans, then complain about global warming while he cashes his government check at the liquor store, so just give him the damned fish. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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An exciting discovery was made last week on Whistler-Blackcomb mountain, British Columbia, by guide, Kathy Jenkins, of a "white-ish", carmel-colored cub in association with a known, resident black mother black bear during a tour.
Jenkins said, "After 23 years of research, I have seen cubs ranging black, reddish brown, chocolate brown to blonde (after summer bleaching of coat) but, never have seen in this population, a cub with pelage this light to almost white. This is not an albino but rather, the cub is possibly a result of both parents having a recessive gene."
The News As I See It: Bernie Sanders has met with Hillary Clinton. Hillary says the meeting was to talk about unifying the party. Bernie said the meeting as to give Hillary one last opportunity to bow out gracefully.
Obama gave a speech in which he angrily called out Republicans for being too obsessed with his refusal to use the term "radical Islam". Although he was unable to complete the phrase "radical Islamic terrorists", it was a good start. He only stuttered twice, used the bully pulpit to blame guns in America and then wrapped it up by blaming Bush.
This Date In History: 1215;
King John sealed the Magna Carta.
1775;
George Washington was appointed head of the Continental Army by the Second Continental Congress.
1836;
Arkansas became the 25th state in the United States.
1844;
Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for rubber vulcanization.
1849;
James Polk, the 11th president of the United States, died in Nashville, Tennessee.
1923;
Lou Gehrig made his New York Yankee debut as a pinch runner.
1992;
Vice President Dan Quayle's "potatoe" spelling incident.
1996;
Ella Fitzgerald, the ''first lady of song,'' died in Beverly Hills, California.
2002;
Rolling Stone Mick Jagger was knighted by Queen Elizabeth.
Picture Of The Day: Yep, you're right Obama. The violence is cause by guns.....moron.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My son asked, "Am I adopted?" I told him, "Not yet, but we're hopeful."
2) India recently launched a rocket to Mars. That's a heck of a place to put a customer service call center. 3) Note to bicycling enthusiasts who go dangerously speeding by me as I'm walking: When you yell "on your left" as you go by, it only lets me know which arm to "clothesline" you with. 4) A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down. 5) There is a mile long line of cars stopped ahead, but go ahead and honk at the guy in front of you. It might help.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 15th: Your brain is overflowing with truly brilliant ideas. Focus on making your dreams a reality. The future holds many wonderful things, however, many of them exclude you in their plans. A romantic hotel break may be just the thing to spark up your love life this weekend. Bring someone with you this time.....
Birthdays: Edward the Black Prince, prince 1330, Mario Cuomo, politician 1932, Waylon Jennings, singer 1937, Helen Hunt, actress 1963.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: At the shopping mall the other day, an old man watched a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life? The old man did not bat an eye and responded, "Yep, I got drunk one night and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Two factory workers were talking and the man said, "I know how to get some time off from work." His female friend asked, "How do you think you will do that?" He proceeded to show her. He climbed up into the rafters and hung upside down.
The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? The guy said, "I'm a light bulb" The boss told him, "I think you need some time off."
So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. The second worker began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going? She replied, "Home. I can't work in the dark."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?"
Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not."
Little Johnny asks,"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to."
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
Little Johnny said, "Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
That's it for today, my little aardvarks. Remember, the best revenge when someone pisses you off in the grocery store is to get in front of them in the checkout line and pay for a single tomato with a personal check. I'm heading over to AREA51 f9r happy hour.
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Alligator attacks are usually the result of animals who have either become accustomed to people and/or been fed by same. I've both swam and fished with gators and they are not aggressive unless it's a mating season or the mother 'gator is guarding a nest.
This is not to say I would dive in next to a large male. Half the time, I didn't realize they were that close until I got out of the water. I have, however, been wading in a waist deep swamp with three bass tied to my belt loop and cast to the same log three times.
The fourth time, the log opened it's eyes, I turned to wade away and stepped into a hole. I came up with seaweed all over my head, screaming like a school girl. When I got to shore, I turned and looked back and the alligator was hauling ass in the other direction.
Common sense is the biggest asset in the wild. If you want to take a picture of a grizzly bear, use a telescopic lens. Getting too close to a bear to take pictures is dangerous for both you and the bear as the bear doesn't digest cameras well.
The same bodes well for all wildlife. You are in their world. Use caution and give them space and you'll be fine.
The News As I See It: Obama has a lot going on as he wraps up his term in office, including the construction of his presidential library in Chicago. It will be a place devoted entirely to Obama and his achievements — or as that’s also known, MSNBC.
Hillary Clinton told supporters last night that her status as the Democratic nominee is thanks to the generations who struggled and sacrificed before her. "You're welcome," said Bernie Sanders.
Bernie Sanders is planning on cutting half of his campaign staff. Bernie said, "I'm saving money by only keeping the most delusional."
Hillary has more votes and delegates and superdelegates and states, Bernie Sanders still isn't giving up. He says he will continue to fight. He's like one of those old Japanese guys on an island who thinks the war is still going on.
This Date In History: 1801;
The Tripolitan War, between the United States and the Barbary States, began.
1865;
Wagner's opera, Tristan and Isolde, premiered in Munich.
1935;
Alcoholics Anonymous was founded by "Bill W."
1942;
The entire male population of the Czech village of Lidice was massacred in retaliation for the death of Nazi official Reinhard Heydrich.
1946;
Italy replaced its monarchy with a republic.
1967;
The Six-Day War between Israel and Syria, Egypt, and Jordan ended.
1978;
Affirmed won the Belmont Stakes and the Triple Crown.
2003;
Ontario, Canada issued the first full same-sex marriage licenses in North America.
Picture Of The Day: My friend Ryan Jay, Firefighter, Paramedic Wildlife Guide and, oh yeah, Master alligator hunter with a recent capture.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I first met my future ex-mother-in-law, I could already visualize the duct tape over her mouth.
2) I once asked my father why he had hair growing out of his ears. He told me that it's to drown out noise and I'd understand better once I got married.
3) If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal. 4) Good luck to the 16 year old girl who is pregnant and wrote "California" for ethnicity on her clinic forms. 5) I thought I heard my cat walking down the hall because of his long claws. Then I realized I hadn't taken off his tap shoes since the photo shoot......and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 10th: Romance is definitely in the air this month, although you may find it clouded by other emotions or possibly, smells. You will finally understand why birds suddenly appear every time your lady friend walks near. I'm talking sardines here, people.....!
Birthdays: Gustave Courbet, painter 1819, Hattie McDaniel, singer and actress 1895, Saul Bellow, novelist 1915, Judy Garland, actress 1922, Robert Maxwell, business executive 1923, Tara Lipinski, figure skater 1982.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
The woman said, "Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?" The woman replied, "On my balls."
A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he's retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him.
After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style." The city boy asks, "What's country style?"
The farmer says, "Out here in the country," the farmer says, When two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin' wins the dispute."
Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he's ever felt, crying like a baby and coughing up blood.
Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, now it's my turn."
The farmer grins and says. "Naw, you win. Keep the duck."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.
They stood there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"The other one looks at him and says, "Well, if I were you, I think I'd pet him first."
The teacher asked Catherine, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" Catherine replied, "I would give houses to all the people who are homeless or receive welfare." The teacher said, "You'd be a perfect candidate for the democratic party."
The teacher continued, ''What a worthy goal you have there, Catherine, but you don't have to wait until you're President. You can start now by coming over to my house and cleaning up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you five dollars. Then, we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy on welfare hangs out and you can give him the five dollars."
Catherine thought that over for a second and replied, "Why doesn't the homeless guy just come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the five dollars?" The teacher said, "Ah, Welcome to the Republican Party."
That's it for today, my little goslings. Remember, you might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but you can buy beer. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
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A committee has been formed to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary Clinton.
They
originally wanted to put her on Mount Rushmore until they discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
They
then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. They were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed.
It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside her husband Bill, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference.
They
finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been and did it all on someone else's money.
The News As I See It: Bernie Sanders, while campaigning this week in California, stopped at a Los Angeles bar popular among the LGBT community. Said Sanders, "No! I said I wanted a BLT! What's the 'G' for? It better not be guacamole because that costs an arm and a leg."
Sanders also checked out the famous carousel at the Santa Monica Pier. It got a little awkward when the music stopped and Bernie still wouldn't admit that the ride was over.
Donald Trump is continuing to draw criticism for his claims that Judge Gonzalo Curiel's Mexican heritage makes him unfit to preside over a lawsuit against Trump University, despite the fact that Curiel was born and raised in Indiana. Apparently, the fact that Curiel is also is a member of the La Raza Lawyers of San Diego doesn't matter. La Raza is a Spanish hate group.
This Date In History: 1845;
Andrew Jackson, the 7th president of the United States, died in Tennessee.
1861;
Tennessee became the 11th and last state to secede from the Union.
1968;
James Earl Ray, Martin Luther King, Jr.'s, assassin, was arrested.
1982;
President Reagan became the first American president to address a joint session of Britain’s Parliament.
1983;
Negro Baseball League great Satchel Paige died.
2001;
Tony Blair and his Labour Party won a second term, overwhelming the opposition at the polls.
Picture Of The Day: Hillary may have to give it up to Bernie for his backing.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Some of the new cell phones can only be opened using a fingerprint scanner. Great, now when they rob me and steal my cell phone, they'll cut off my finger so that they can use the phone.
2) I went to the bank this morning and after inserting my bankcard, the ATM asked, "Is it in yet?" That's not funny ATM. 3) I get high before I get my Drivers License picture taken. That way I look normal if I'm pulled over. 4) Everybody values honesty until they have an ugly baby. 5) I start, but rarely complete my paintings and song writing, for I am a master of the partial arts.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 8th: Damaging words reach your ears after a disagreement over a neighbor's pets. Damaging "poo" will be flung back across the garden fence if the issue is not resolved within the next few weeks.
The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you can't see the forest for the trees. If you find this is true for you, the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests.
Birthdays: Robert Schumann, composer 1810, Frank Lloyd Wright, American architect 1867, Virginia Randolph, educator 1874, Barbara Bush, former first lady 1925, Leroy Neiman, painter and printmaker 1927, Scott Adams, cartoonist 1957.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Bambi, a blonde in her third year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her U.S. government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" The man replies, "Oh, she's my mistress." His wife says "Well, that's the last straw. I've had enough and I want a divorce!"
Her husband says, "I can understand that, but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean that we'll have to sell the mansion, no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. His wife asks "Who's that woman with Jim?" The husband replies "That's his mistress". The wife says, "Ours is prettier."
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
The little boy yelled, "There's a car being towed from the parking lot." A few moments passed by and the little boy yelled, "An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments later, he called out. "Looks like the Anderson's have company. Matt's riding a new bike." A bit later, he yelled. "Looks like the Sanders are moving. Jason is on his skate board."
After a few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sex?" The little boy yelled back, "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle, too."
That's it for today, my little orange blossoms. Remember, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're obligated to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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More on Friday.
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The way Donald Trump expressed himself was wrong, but his point has merit. Judge Gonzalo Curiel, the judge in the lawsuit against Trump University, is a member of the La Raza Lawyers of San Diego. Trump wants to build a Mexican border wall. Conflict? Yep!
Judge Curiel, whose parents immigrated to America from Mexico, also oversaw the gift of a law school scholarship to an illegal alien.
In his 2011 judicial questionnaire to become a federal judge, Curiel revealed his history with La Raza. GotNews.com originally reported this Tuesday and The Daily Caller has independently verified.
Curiel lists "La Raza Lawyers of San Diego" as a legal association he has been a part of in the questionnaire.
Curiel’s office at the United States District Court for the Southern District of California confirmed to The Daily Caller the judge’s membership in the group.
Curiel reveals more ties to the group in his questionnaire.
He has spoken at two receptions held by La Raza Lawyers of San Diego, the most recent being in 2011. Last year, the group also held a reception for Curiel.
The description of the event says, "This year we are proud to be honoring Judge Gonzalo Curiel at our reception and recognizing him for his leadership and support to the community and to our Association!"
In addition, Curiel served on the selection committee in 2014 for the La Raza Lawyers of San Diego Scholarship Fund. Six of seven of the recipients of these scholarships ranging from $1500 to $1600 were born in Central America. One of them, Ricardo Elorza, described himself as "undocumented."
Donald Trump has been critical of Curiel, calling him a "hater" over the weekend. After years serving as a Judge in the superior courts from 2007 to 2011 in San Diego, Curiel was appointed by Obama as United States District Court for the Southern District of California, replacing Judge Thomas J. Whelan.
The National Council of La Raza is the largest Hispanic advocacy group in the nation and has taken a strong stance against Trump. They previously called Saturday Night Live a platform for "hate" for inviting on the New York businessman. La Raza translates to "the race" in English.
Author's Note: La Raza, translated into English as “The Race”, is an organization dedicated to promoting the interests of only Hispanic Americans and illegal immigrants. It has no other purpose.
Make no mistake, "The Race" is a pro-Hispanic, anti-white and Anti-American hate group. Recent events in San Jose, California underscore the connection between the Democrat party and "The Race". Its mission statement on its web site underscores the inherently racist purpose of "The Race".
If a group of Caucasians promoted the same agenda, it would be instantly labeled a racist hate group and marginalized to the edges of society. On another note, Mexicans are not a "race", nor are Hispanics.
How To Start Each Day With A Positive Outlook:
1. Open a new folder in your computer.
2. Name it "Barack Obama".
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. The PC will ask: ‘Do you want to get rid of "Barack Obama?"
6. Firmly Click "Yes."
7. Feel better? Good! – Tomorrow we’ll do Hillary Clinton.
The News As I See It: A new government report reveals that Hillary Clinton ignored the State Department rules about cybersecurity. The report states that Hillary’s recklessness, arrogance and defiance will insure her the Democratic presidential nomination.
The Taliban has named a new leader after their former leader was killed in a drone strike. It’s the only job interview where the correct answer to "Where do you see yourself in five years?" is "I don’t."
This Date In History: 1844;
The Young Men's Christian Association (YMCA) was founded in London.
1933;
The first drive-in movie theater opened in Camden, New Jersey.
1934;
The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) was established to protect investors and maintain the integrity of the securities markets.
1944;
Thousands of Allied troops invaded the beaches of Normandy, France, on D-Day.
1982;
Israel invaded Lebanon to drive out the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO).
2001;
Vermont Republican Senator James Jeffords left the party to become an independent, handing control of the Senate back to the Democrats.
2002;
President Bush proposed a new Cabinet department: The Department of Homeland Security.
Picture Of The Day: Float like a butterfly, champ. Rest in peace.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've removed swimming with dolphins from my bucket list, mainly because I don't swim well and drowning with dolphins doesn't have quite the same appeal.
2) My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, the price of drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she's a rapper. 3) The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hit man you can trust. 4) (Indian warrior): Well, son, we named all the children after the first thing we saw after they were conceived. But, why do you ask Two Dogs Screwing?" 5) When asked to help the kids as to my theory on Amelia Earhart's disappearance I said, "Maybe she went Black" and now I don't have to help the with homework any more.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 6th: All of your aims are achievable, although some of them would involve bionic implants and a bit of embezzlement. On another subject, If you are cornered by raccoons in the wild, place your thumb and index finger tips together and make a bandit mask. They will accept you.
Birthdays: Diego Velázquez, painter 1599, Pierre Corneille, dramatist (1606)
Nathan Hale, officer 1755, John Trumbull, painter 1756 Aleksandr Pushkin, poet, dramatist 1799, Alexandra Feodorovna, Czarina 1872, Sukarno, statesman 1901, Björn Borg, tennis player 1956.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: While acquainting himself with a new elderly female patient, the doctor asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty years.....when my husband was alive."
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. The mortician said:
First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress, hence the enormous smile.
Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.
Third body: This is the most unusual one. Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning. From what we can gather,
he thought he was having his picture taken.
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to a group of Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting or trapping the predators, these two groups were offering a "more humane" solution.
What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males would then be castrated and turned loose again. Thus the population would be controlled.
This was actually proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's Association by the Sierra Club and the U.S.F.S.
The ranchers listened to the presentation and then sat there in a sort of dumb-found silence, trying to make sense of the amazing proposal they had just heard.
Finally, an old boy in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand our problem. Those coyotes ain't screwin' our sheep - they're eatin' 'em!"
The Head Gardner at the White House was fired. after 28 years of service. Jim Whitey, the head gardener at the White House, was dismissed today after 28 years of loyal service.
In an interview outside the back gate of the White House, the elderly gentleman, proclaimed his innocence and strongly condemned his firing.
He said, "It all happened so fast. I'm still in a daze. All I know is, I was getting ready to weed the rose bed outside the Oval Office window like I do every week.. I yelled out to my assistants, "Has anyone seen the spade and the hoe?" and the next thing I knew, the Secret Service was escorting me off the property!"
That's it for today, my little hush puppies. Remember, the best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.
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More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !
