Sunday, July 30, 2017

Useless Morons In Congress Continue To Resolve Nothing

Each day, I'm amazed at the growing number of newspaper articles, television reporters and politicians who seem to just speak totally out of their asses without any knowledge or proof. Even worse, half of America believes this garbage is true.

The fun part is when one of these morons gets cornered without crib notes or a teleprompter and they turn in to babbling idiots. One would hope they studied in college but I'm guessing that many of them graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree, which is as useful as tits on a bull.

Most have no grasp on the English language and make fools out of themselves every time they speak, While there are dimwits in both parties,My three favorites are Maxine Waters, Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Nancy Pelosi.

I'm also not overly fond of the snarky, pseudo intellectuals whose only goals are self promotion. I sure when they go the kitchen to get a glass of water from the refrigerator, when the light hits them, they break into speech.

I don't profess to be a Rhodes Scholar, but I did pay attention in high school and college, I can defend myself well and verbally fence with best,

I.Q. tests and term limits would help solve these problems because tar and feathering them is against the law......

The News As I See It: The publisher of Hillary Clinton's upcoming memoir announced that the title of her book will be the statement "What Happened." Well, that’s the censored version.

Taco Bell announced Taco Bell announced it will begin selling a potato-rito, which is beef, cheese, potatoes, and chipotle spice wrapped in a tortilla for $1. Or, for the same nutritional value, just eat the dollar.

WebMD is being sold for $2.8 billion. The owner said he was just getting tired, but WebMD says it could either be gout, polio or scurvy.

This Date In History: 1540; King Henry VIII of England's chief minister, Thomas Cromwell, was executed and Henry married his fifth wife, Catherine Howard. 1750; The great baroque composer Johann Sebastian Bach died.  1794; Robespierre, one of the leading figures of the French Revolution, was sent to the guillotine.

1821; Peru declared its independence from Spain. 1868; The 14th Amendment to the Constitution, which established the citizenship of African Americans and guaranteed due process of law, was ratified. 1914; Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia, precipitating the start of World War I.

1932; Herbert Hoover ordered Douglas MacArthur to evict the Bonus Marchers from their camps. 2002; Nine Pennsylvania coal miners were rescued after 77 hours of being trapped in a mine shaft.

Picture Of The Day: Poor Maxine - She's very rich on a congresswoman's salary. She'll be investigated soon.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) There is no "we" in "bacon"! 2) Monday was National Cousins Day and if you're a democrat, happy anniversary! 3) Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance? 4) Three out of four voices in my head want to sleep. The other voice wants to know if penguins have knees. 5) It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - July 28th: Dogs can be a man's best friend or a woman's best friend. They could also be a child's best friend or a cat's best friend. Actually, dogs are totally flexible.

The post office is going to be lucky for you today as a mystery package arrives for you that, for once, is neither ticking nor covered in mysterious powder.

Love will no longer be just another four-letter-word to you today as you will start to understand why birds suddenly appear every time someone nears.

Birthdays: Beatrix Potter, author  1866, Marcel Duchamp, painter 1877, Jacqueline Onassis, wife of former President John F. Kennedy and First Lady (1961-1963) 1929Bill Bradley, basketball player 1943.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A customer asked the clerk, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? 

If I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?" He continued, "If I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?" The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

Two men are talking and one man says to the other, "I went for my routine checkup today." His friend asked, "Is everything okay?" The man said, "Everything was going fine until he stuck his finger up my ass."

His friend smiled and said, "That's normal procedure." The man replied, "So you don't think I should change dentists?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world." So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy, "It's official, I am the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell ?"

About 200 dead crows were found dead near Boston and there was great concern about the possibility of "Avian Flu". They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows and he confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu.

However, he did determine that ninety-eight percent of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks and only two percent were killed by impact with cars.

The city of Boston hired a Ornithological Behaviorist to determine why there were such disproportionate percentages for "truck versus car" kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in very short order.

He said, "When crows eat road kill, they always post a 'look-out crow' in a nearby tree, to warn of any impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow could easily say 'Cah', but he could not say 'Truck'!"

That's it for today, my little sweet peas. Remember, sixty percent of all pit bull attacks occur when tying the bandanna around its neck and putting the sunglasses on its face. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More next week.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

I'm with you my friend on the useless politicians we have elected. I also enjoyed the post. dem Politic-ishuns could use a little 'chuting'. Not that NSA gives a dang at what I say!

Paula said...

Thanks for the laugh this afternoon. Have a nice rest of the day.