All things considered, I forgot about my car and we had a great time. The music was good, we sang karaoke and had a few cocktails. It's funny how the company of a beautiful woman and a scotch on the rocks can take your mind off of your problems. As for my car...... The News As I See It: Because of Arizona's new law, a lot of immigrants have fled the state and returned to their homeland, Los Angeles.
Congress' approval rating has hit an all-time low of 11 percent. To give you an idea of how bad that is, the BP oil spill is at 12 percent. Scientists are saying that a giant asteroid could strike the earth in 2182, and that it could decimate the planet and destroy most forms of life. A spokesman for BP said, "Been there, done that."
President Obozo appeared on "The View" to talk about the economy. I understand he wanted go on "General Hospital" to explain to the doctors how the new healthcare system works but his advisers nixed the idea.
President Georgie "Dubya" Bush's memoir is set to come out just in time for the midterm elections and it has some Republicans upset because it may remind voters of....President Bush. One conservative columnist called the timing of the book release "selfish and stupid," which, coincidentally, is also the title of the book.
Leonardo DiCaprio officially dropped out of Mel Gibson’s new Viking movie. Mel doesn’t know yet because everyone is afraid to phone him. Leonardo said he doesn’t mind playing a vicious killer who rapes and pillages, but he doesn’t want people to think he hangs out with Mel Gibson. This Date In History: 1619; The first legislative assembly in English North America convened in Jamestown, Va. 1729; The U.S. city of Baltimore was founded. 1932; The tenth modern Olympic Games opened in Los Angeles. 1945; The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine and sank within 15 minutes. It was one of the greatest naval losses of World War II, resulting in the deaths of nearly 900 men.
1956; The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S. national motto. 1965; President Lyndon Johnson signed the Medicare Bill into law. 1975; Former Teamsters union president James Hoffa was reported missing. Many suspect he was murdered, though his remains have never been found. 1980; The Republic of Vanuatu, formerly known as the New Hebrides, gained its independence from France and Britain.
Picture Of The Day: Since I started today's thoughts with Wednesday's outing with my sweet Nicole, my thoughts also turn to chocolate, since sweet seems to be the theme of the day. Chocolates are my second favorite thing. Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. 2) The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! 3) A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. 4) Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. 5) I've discovered that I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot......and that's five !
Birthdays: Emily Brontë, author 1818, Thorstein Veblen, economist 1857, Henry Ford, American industrialist, pioneer automobile manufacturer 1863, Casey Stengel, baseball player and manager 1891, Henry Moore, sculptor 1898, Arnold Schwarzenegger, quasi-governor of California, piss poor actor 1947, Lisa Kudrow, actress 1963.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: On a warm, sunny Sunday, an older man and his wife went to the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage, and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife. The old man said, "That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits. Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"
At first she declined. But finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down. The husband said, "Hey, let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her.
This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage. The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in. With an evil smile, the old man said, "Now, tell him you have a headache!" The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Dutch and Garnett for their contributions to today's post.
A man stopped by a Cadillac dealership yesterday for a look at the new Seville Just for fun, he took it out for a test drive. He wanted to sense that new "new car feel. The salesman, wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin, sat in the passenger seat describing the car and all its "wonderful" options. The seats were of particular interest.
He explained that the seats directed warm air to your rear end in the winter and directed cool air to your rear in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with his mind, the man mentioned that this must be a Republican Cadillac. Looking a bit angry, the salesman asked the man why he thought it was Republican Cadillac. The man replied, "If it were a Democrat Cadillac, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round." A man is shipwrecked on a deserted island for ten long years. One day he sees a ship on the horizon and starts waving his arms until the ship heads for the shore. The captain of the ship and the man began talking and the man said, "I thought I’d never get rescued." The captain asked, "How long have you been here?" The man replied, "Ten years. The captain said, "How have you coped with all that time alone?" The man said, "Well I’m a very resourceful fellow. I built a house, learned to hunt and fish."
The captain remarked, "But ten years without sex?" The man said, "Not completely. About six months ago I was down here on the shore when I noticed an ostrich with it’s head in the sand. I crept up behind it and…" The captain said, "You poor man, that must have been horrible." The man replied, "Well it was great for the first five miles but then we got out of step."
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, "So. What did you think?"
That's it for today my little ducklings. Remember, he who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. AREA 51 and Happy Hour are on my to do list tonight. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !