Friday, February 27, 2009

$3,600,000,000,000.00? You 'da man, Prez !

Three trillion, 600 billion dollars, that's the amount we're going to be watching the government spend under the Obama stimulus. The figure contains the current, growing deficit of 1.7 trillion dollars and 1.9 trillion dollars in new spending. I wonder who'd going to pay for this? You can only tax the rich (2%) of the country so long before they go broke as well. If you're counting on the sin taxes of smoking, drinking and gambling, you can only beat a dead horse so long. Then who's going to pay? Illegal immigrants and the Obama welfare conga line? Nope, it'll be you, the people that have been supporting the country since day one. Not a pretty picture, eh?

As for the troop reduction, it will be announced today that the troops will not be withdrawn with in the time specified in candidate Obama's campaign speeches and he will maintain between 35,000-50,000 "non-combat" troops (which is one-third of the total troops in Iraq). Anyone that's ever been in the military knows that every soldier is trained first to fight and kill and the second thing they are trained in is their job, i.e., cook, clerk, etc. So the word "non-combat" is just a political spin and an illusionary label. Bottom line, the Prez will withdraw only two-thirds of the troops from Iraq and late at that.

The Grocery Shopping Trip - Part III - The Dreaded Checkout

When I complete my shopping list, it's time to head toward the checkout area. For some reason, every time I decided to check out, the once uncrowded store now has a population the size of Rhode Island, all of whom having decided that they, too, will checkout.

The registers, all with long lines, normally have the obligatory lady pushing the cart that has been converted to look like a racecar. She has brought her 2.5 children, ages 14, 12 and 6 with her, two of whom are riding in the racecart. Inside the cart is approximately 250 pounds of assorted groceries.

I always attempt to decide in which crowded line I want to spend the rest of my life. Occasionally, a cashier will open a new register and now the race begins. I move toward the new cashier, cutting off racecart lady and maintaining my rules of grocery shopping, to wit, women children and journalist first (and not necessarily in that order).

Getting into the shortest line is not always a benefit and I have chosen longer lines if the scenery benefits the wait. You have to beware of divider thingy lady who, upon seeing you begin unloading your cart, immediately grabs the divider and quickly places it at the end of her groceries. Her furtive glances insure that you dare not encroach upon her area lest the two intermingle and possibly spawn a third bastard grocery pile.

The worst shopper always appears normal. Halfway through the checkout process, it will dawn on them that they forgot something and will be "right back." Naturally, when they finally return, their groceries have long since been checked out. I don't let this type of shopper bother me too much as I always grab a nice magazine, some C batteries and a couple of Herschey bars and add them to their order.

When I'm checked out, I always stop by the weight scales to see how much money I've lost and then proceed to the car. I've learned not to let grocery shopping bother me and I treat each trip as an experience, Some are good and some are bad, but it's the ones that get rained out that bother me.

This Date In History: 1594; Henry IV is crowned king of France in Chartres. 1900; The Labour Party is founded as the Labour Representation Committee. 1933; The Reichstag, seat of the German parliament, is destroyed on fire, giving the Nazis a convenient pretext for repression. 1973; Sioux Native Americans seize and hold Wounded Knee on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, South Dakota, demanding a US Senate investigation of Native American problems.

2003; Rowan Williams is enthroned as the 104th Archbishop of Canterbury. 2003; A design by architect Daniel Libeskind is selected to be built on the former site of the twin towers of the World Trade Center, in New York.

Picture Of The Day: Fire and rain? We'll see, but the idea of fire intrigued me so I decided to go with fire as today's theme. Naturally, I have to post a picture of my hot perfect martini and I also thought that Rose would like the featured picture. I'm rather content with the rest of these flaming photographs, as well, and I hope you enjoy them.

Birthdays: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American poet 1807, Ellen Terry, actress 1847, Enrico Caruso, operatic tenor 1873, Charles Herbert Best, Canadian physiologist 1899, Lawrence Durrell, novelist and poet 1912, Elizabeth Taylor, actress 1932.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) On any airplane flight, I must be fueled up with Johnny Walker Black at the same time as the airplane is fueled with aviation fuel. 2) My favorite way to take a vacation is spur of the moment and I ofttimes just pick up and go. 3) Tequila will never be my downfall as the worm does not justify the hangover. 4) At a bar one evening, I told some friends that the phrase "four score and seven years ago" was a soccer phrase at the last World Cup games. 5) Hide and go pee is one of the favorite games at my Uncle's retirement home.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Once upon a time, a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, knowing there were many monkeys, went to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 each and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He then announced that he would buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the villagers efforts and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon, the supply diminished and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the big city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

The assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that my boss has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when my boss returns, you can sell them to him for $50." The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys! Now you have a better understanding of how the stimulus package works!!!

The latest poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 30% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem." 70% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio."

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, Sir." The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Illinois Porkers. I got one for my wife and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi." The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Excellent trade, sir."

That's it for today my little sunflowers. Have a great and safe weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What's A Trillion Dollars Between Friends?

The Prez did his bit last night and overall, I think he did rather well. But, talk is cheap and since the proof is in the pudding, I'll reserve judgement until I see what really is going to happen. For the most part, CNN, in its zeal to keep their noses firmly up Obama's ass, spilled most of the beans in advance and I didn't hear any unexpected news. I do, however, think that Obama left his gloom and doom rhetorical face in the dressing room and was quite positive in his outlook for America's future.

The fun part of the speech was watching Democratic Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi in her role as the cheerleader of the group applauding vigorously on every word uttered by President Obama and the first to jump up to lead a standing ovation every time the President farted. While Vice President Joe Biden seemed to be listening to the President in earnest, Pelosi's eyes continued to flit between looking at herself in the monitor and watching the teleprompter for her next standing cheer.

On a side note, Representitive Eliot Engal (D-Bronx, N.Y.) arrived at the house chambers at 8:30 A.M. and waited all day in his seat so that he could be among the congressmen in the front row (seats are not asigned and based on first come, first seated) and make sure he was on television.

Uh....Elliot, this was not a Madonna concert. You should have been in your office working for the people instead of camping out for a concert seat. Perhaps you didn't get the's time for change.

The Grocery Shopping Trip - Part II: The Deli - Bakery Area

I've always liked the Deli-Bakery area because of the wonderful assortment of foods, cakes and pastries. The mouth watering aroma of the bakery wafts throughout the area and seems to stimulate the senses. I always make it my last stop before checkout because there's usually a line of people waiting to place their orders.

The obligatory "take-a-ticket" ofttimes turned me off in my younger days because I always seemed to be in a hurry and I usually would just stop by the pre-packaged meats and pick up sandwich meat. Most of the sandwich meat was used for school lunches and I figured ham was ham, so what's the difference?

As the years passed and I was single again, I spent more leisure time shopping for groceries and then, more time in the deli-bakery area. I'd scout the area, getting an idea of what I wanted to buy and after completing the more mundane part of the shopping list, return to the deli-bakery area. I'd then grab my ticket and wait to be served.

One day as I was waiting in line, a strikingly beautiful woman strolled up beside me, took her ticket and asked me, "Have you been waiting long?" I answered, "All of my life." She blushed and then pushed her cart to the middle part of the area where she was joined by her husband and two pre-teen children. I put on my best "damn, I forgot something in aisle three" face and pushed my cart toward the closest way out of the area, casually placing my wadded up ticket into the assorted packaged cookie display.

Upon arriving home that particular day, I took a look at myself in the mirror to see how I was dressed. Although I didn't quite look like something my cat, Shithead, would have dragged in, I certainly wasn't at my best. I decided that day that I would take the time to eat breakfast and dress better before going grocery shopping. After all, I never knew when opportunity might rear its elusive head.

On future shopping trips, I began to notice there were always a number of lovely lasses in the "St. Tropez" area, especially on Saturdays and Sundays. Although my main reason for going to Publix was to purchase groceries, this new found sport would make the experience so much the better.

I will tell you that I have met several women in my little "St. Tropez Deli-Bakery." As advertised, Publix has made my shopping experience more pleasurable and that's not even considering discounts, in-store sales and the free samples.

On Friday, I take you with me for the dreaded "Checkout Experience" and the reason why I never carry a loaded weapon while waiting to pay for my groceries.

This Date In History: 1601; Robert Devereux, 2nd Earl of Essex, is beheaded for treason on the orders of Elizabeth I. 1723; Sir Christopher Wren, architect, scientist, and mathematician, best known as the architect of St Paul’s Cathedral, dies aged 90. 1956; Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev condemns Stalin in a secret speech to the Communist Party Congress.

1983; Tennessee Williams, American playwright and Pulitzer Prize-winner, dies in New York aged 71. 1986; President Ferdinand Marcos flees the Philippines as opposition leader, Corazon Aquino, is sworn in as president.

Picture Of The Day: This year will determine the direction America will head in the future and I certainly wouldn't want to have to make some of the decisions that need to be made. My hope is that President Obama makes the correct decisions and borrowing one trillion dollars from China is something that I would not do. For my children and grandchildren's sake, I hope I'm wrong

Birthdays: Carlo Goldoni, Italian playwright 1707, Pierre Auguste Renoir, French Impressionist painter 1841, John Foster Dulles, US politician 1888 Myra Hess, pianist 1890, George Harrison, former Beatle 1943, Neil Jordan, Irish film director 1950.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I love chocolate anything....cake, candy, milk, mousse, pie, ice cream....! 2) My Mom made me an Easter basket every year until the day that she died. I miss my Mom! 3) I have a secret fishing spot in the Florida Everglades and there has never been a time that I went there that I did not catch bass. 4) On a late night out many years ago, I was invited to sing with a group of musician buddies who were playing at one of my watering holes. I came onstage and promptly forgot every word of the song. 5) I was a senior in high school when the Cuban missile crisis was going on. Miami was full of troops and artillery and we were very worried.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Rufus was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother Willie, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you." Rufus was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said, "Well what did you name them?" The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise." The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?" The brother replied, "Denephew."

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.

While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by.

The pastor noticed that whenever a man would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head, no and mumble a reply.

Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would said, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I nodded my head, 'Yes, it was.' The men asked, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I shook my head and said, 'I can't, it's booked up solid for a year.'

That's it for today my little sweet potatos. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Monday, February 23, 2009

And The Winner Is......

The Academy Awards were held last night and "Slum Dog Millionaire" won 8 Oscars including the best movie category as well as best director for Danny Boyle. Kate Winslett and Sean Penn won best female and male actor awards, Winslett for "The Reader" and Penn for "Milk". In the best supporting actors roles, Penelope Cruz took top honors with "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" and Heath Ledger won posthumously for his role in "Dark Knight."

Matt Kenseth won the California 500 Sunday, the first driver to win back to back season opening races in 12 years. Kenseth led Jeff Gordon and Kyle Busch to the checkered flag. Busch, who won both the Nascar Truck Race and Nationwide race on Saturday, ran well, but had nothing for Kenseth.

The Grocery Shopping Trip - Part One: On a recent trip to the local Publix grocery store, I made some observations that must have registered in my mind at some point in time, but remained dormant in my subconscious until recently. First and foremost, let me say that I committed the first cardinal sin of intelligent grocery shopping to wit; I did not eat breakfast before going shopping.

That said, I was wandering around the store, stocking up on necessary items and due to hunger, additional items like cookies, dark chocolate, ice cream and other decadent non-essentials.

In my euphoria, I began to notice that some people dressed to go shopping while others seemed to be oblivious of anything remotely resembling good taste. While I don't expect to see people in tuxedos and evening gowns, some semblance of decent attire should enter their minds before going out.

Men and women in flip flops and sandals with dirty feet, stained T-shirts on beer-bellied men that should have been a size larger, women whose hair looked like they woke up three minutes ago and just left it that way. The most annoying were the people who brought their entire brood, with each little imp either crying to ride in the baby seat, or demanding at the top of his lungs that his mother purchase candy or cereal. The parents, naturally, have either not enough intellect to reprimand the little bastards or, through the years, have lost what sanity they ever had.

While escaping the infamous "family that shops together", I went over to the best area of the grocery store, the deli and bakery area. If I were writing a book about grocery shopping, some of the steamiest chapters would take place there. If romance exists in a grocery store, it is the deli-bakery area that it is spawned. I like to refer to it as the provocatively dressed department.

Suffice to say, while the cold cuts and prepackaged sandwich meat area is more for the family with kids on a budget, the deli-bakery area is more the St. Tropez area for the well to do. I'll tell you more about this on Wednesday.

On Wednesday - Part Two: It's true what they say about meeting women at the super market.

This Date In History: 1820; Police arrest the plotters of the Cato Street Conspiracy, who planned to blow up the British Cabinet. 1870; The US state of Mississippi is formally re-admitted to the Union. 1885; Convicted murderer John Lee survives three attempts to hang him at Exeter Prison. His sentence is commuted, and leaving prison in 1917 he lives until 1933.

1903; The United States receives a perpetual lease on Guantánamo Bay, in Cuba. 1945; US Marines capture the highest point on the island of Iwo Jima and raise the American flag for the second time that day. 1965; Legendary film comedian Stan Laurel dies in Santa Monica, California, aged 74. 1981; Lieutenant Colonel Antonio Tejero and 200 members of the civil guard unsuccessfully attempt a right-wing coup d'état in Spain.

Picture Of The Day: It's Oscar time and the Academy Awards are spewing photographs in every medium, so I snagged a few for your dining and dancing pleasure. This particular picture is for my pleasure/.

Birthdays: Samuel Pepys, diarist and civil servant 1633, George Frideric Handel, composer of German birth but English by naturalization, one of the greatest composers of the late Baroque period and, during his lifetime, perhaps the most internationally famous of all musicians 1685, George Watts, painter and sculptor 1817, Karl Jaspers, German philosopher 1883, W. E. B. Du Bois, American historian and sociologist 1868.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My first car was a 1956 two-door ford with three speed floor transmission, blue lights under the dash and a tendency to veer to drive-in movies. 2) Your "other car" is just as crummy as my "other car." 3) In my younger, married years, I rode some loopty-loop contraption in Busch Gardens, Tampa, with my kids once....once! 4) Lake Tahoe, Nevada has always been my destination of choice. 5) I woke up one morning at a hotel-casino resort in the Bahamas with a woman I met somewhere in Miami Beach the evening is good!

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Billy Bob that she would send someone out right away. Where do you live?" asked the operator. Billy Bob replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Billy Bob said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station. A voice answered, "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" Father O'Malley said, "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Fadder O'Malley at St Brigid's. Dere's a jackass lyin dead on me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of da matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

That's it for today my little Oscar winners. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, February 20, 2009

Monkey See, Monkey Do !

Racial opportunist "Podium Al" Sharpton was quick to attack the New York Post over a cartoon parody comparing the recent shooting death of Travis the chimpanzee to the Obama stimulus bill recently passed by Congress. Sharpton mumbled a short tirade addressing the cartoon as racist in nature and axed for an apology from the newspaper.

The New York Post has issued a statement defending its stimulus/chimp cartoon and slamming Rev. Al Sharpton for protesting the piece. In a statement by Col Allan, editor-in-chief of the Post, said, "The cartoon is a clear parody of a current news event, to wit, the shooting of a violent chimpanzee in Connecticut. It broadly mocks Washington's efforts to revive the economy. Again, Al Sharpton reveals himself as nothing more than a publicity opportunist."

Family members of Travis the chimpanzee were equally insulted and protested vigorously at being compared to Obama, Sharpton and the members of Congress involved with the Stimulus bill. Travis' family accused "Podium Al" of Darwinism and demanded an apology.

Travis' uncle, a monkey named Isle Beay and well known for his stand against Darwinism, felt that the New York Post went to far in comparing Travis' death to the Stimulus Bill, stating that Travis' death was, in fact, murder while the Stimulus Bill was obviously a Congressional self-inflicted suicide.

After criticizing automobile, bank and wall street executives of wasteful spending on unnecessary trips and junkets to Las Vegas and other locations, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, an Italian descendant and seven other democrats went on a trip to Italy, where she met with the president of Italy and had a private meeting with the Pope. The chartered executive jet that flew the democrats there cost tax payers $10,000 per hour and ran up a bill of $200,000. Hotel bills and other expenses, all paid by U.S. taxpayers, have yet to be presented.

Another group of six democrats, Martin Luther King III, Andrew Young and Herby Hancock went to India on the anniversary date of Martin Luther King Jr's trip there to study Gahndi. King III, who sold his father's papers for 32 million dollars, along with the six democrats and the rest of the group had their expenses paid for courtesy of U.S. taxpayers.

It's nice to see that change has arrived and the new government leaders seems to be saying "do as I say, not as I do."

This Date In History: 1807; Former US vice-president Aaron Burr is arrested and charged with plotting to create an independent republic. 1861; Russian tsar Alexander II emancipates the serfs. 1915; The Dardanelles is attacked by the navies of Britain and France, initiating the Gallipoli campaign. 1997; Chinese Communist leader Deng Xiaoping dies at age 92.

Picture Of The Day: What's wrong with this picture? We import foreign workers to replace American workers; We import poison Chinese products to replace American products; California has a 42 billion dollar deficit partly due to the fact that 40% of all workers in L.A. County ( L. A. County has 10.2 million people) are working for cash and not paying taxes; The national economy is going down the toilet due to greedy, unscrupulous mortgage lenders and poorly run banks.

All this and I have to worry about a crummy political cartoon that causes "Podium Al" Sharpton to go ballistic? Hey Al, I never was a slave nor did I own slaves and neither did you. Get Over It!

Birthdays: David Garrick, actor 1717, Stan Kenton, American jazz musician 1912, Lee Marvin, actor 1924, Smokey Robinson, American singer and songwriter 1940, Prince Andrew, second son of Elizabeth II 1960.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) In my high school years, I worked for weeks trying to get a date with a beautiful blonde. While in the living room meeting jer parents, her Dad said, "Look, there's dog poop on the rug." I didn't even have to look..... 2) I have no tattoos or body piercings however I do have several scars from bite marks. 3) My first wife is Italian and my second wife is Cuban. My third wife is a figment of their imagination whose face is much younger than theirs and changes from time to time. 4) I was trained as a combat medic in the U.S. Army and served from 1966 to 1971. 5) I call every woman "Baby," not because I'm too cool, but because Old Timer's disease does not permit me to remember their names. When I do, it's usually wrong.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma. All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC.

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have the quickie?" The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away. Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? Also they track her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. I think the solution is to give every illegal alien a cow.


That's it for today my little ducklings. Have a great and safe weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

What's In A Name, Linda?

Jimmy's Journal has an award called the TAC Award which stands for Thanks A lot Citizen. This award was born last year with the help of my pals Jackie and Rose, who are both recipients of the award. It is my way of honoring other journalists who seem to always be there when you need them; people who always have something nice to say and take the time to visit other journalists.

My pal, Linda, who pens Linda's World, has always been there for me and her name is one I see on almost every journal I visit. I try to visit everyone's journal as I can, but Linda seems to have the time to stop by many journals to leave a kind word. Her comments are honest and show me that she actually reads the entry as opposed to many who flit from journal to journal playing comment tag. I am please to honor my pal Linda with the TAC Award. Visit Linda at

One would think that a great deal of thought would be invested in choosing a name for a child. After all, one normally has nine months to arrive at such a decision. We are all aware, however, that there are some parents that cannot quite grasp that thought and the results are names like Johnny Johnson, Willie Williams, Tommy Thompson and the like.

Many names are taken from the Bible and from literature as well and so we have names like John, Paul, George and the ever memorable Ringo. Others parents are more inventive and these are the names that make you scratch your head and say "wha.....?" It is said that "a mind is a terrible thing to waste" but that is assuming one has a mind to waste.

Names like Lexus, Plaxico, Lavernius and the ever popular name for twins, Orangello and Lemongello (spawned from orange jello and lemon jello), make me think that besides having to pass an I.Q. test to be allowed to procreate, a further inquiry should be made as to the choice of names for children. Then again, we could just let them name the children anything they like and enjoy the amusement.

The media continues to suffer from Obamamania and understandably so with the current state of the Union and the history that has Obama made by becoming the first half white and half black president. Over the weekend, it became a little over the top as five retired NBA players watched a video of Obama on the basketball court and offered their opinions as to his skills and how he could become a better basketball player.

Methinks the media could better serve the American public by having a group of retired congressmen watch a video of his campaign promises and comment as to how he could comply with what he said he would do.

This Date In History: 1229; Holy Roman Emperor Frederick II negotiates the return of Jerusalem to Christian control with Al-Kamil, the sultan of Egypt. 1546; Martin Luther, the German theologian and religious reformer who initiated the Protestant Reformation, dies in Eisleben. 1930; The dwarf planet Pluto is discovered at the edge of the then known solar system. 1968; British Standard Time is introduced, bringing British time in line with Europe. However, it was abandoned in 1971.

Picture Of The Day: Movies you'd like to see is the theme for today's entry and I was fortunate to find this political parody on the "The Sting." With that idea firmly planted in my mind, I located a few more movies that stray a bit from the original, but are much more poignant. Perhaps these takeoffs may become sequels.

Birthdays: Mary I, queen 1516, Louis Comfort Tiffany, American painter and designer 1848, Len Deighton, thriller writer 1929, Yoko Ono, conceptual artist 1933.

Printable Things I Never Told You:

1) I was dyslexci as a chlid and wrote about it in my dairy. 2) My brother Kirt and I were asked to audition for a weekly country music show in the late 1950's but we chickened out. 3) I have hit the Florida lottery several times. My last win paid $5.00 for three numbers. 4) I was performing in nightclubs by the age of 19. 5) When I was five years old, I played "doctor" with the girl next door. I am still a "practicing physician."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A woman went to her doctor for a physical and the doctor asked what contraceptive she used. She told him she was not using a contraceptive. When doctor warned her that she could become pregnant, she replied, "that's impossible."

The doctor ask her why she believed she could not become pregnant. The woman said, "Because we do it the 'other way' so there's no chance." The doctor said, "You can still become pregnant."

The woman was mystified. "How can get pregnant by doing it the other way?" The doctor replied. "Where do you think lawyers and politicians come from?"

A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows. His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.

The following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks delighted and says, "My bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows! His friend says, "What did the vet do to that bull? The farmer replies, "Just gave him some pills."

His friend asks, "What kind of pills?" The farmer says, I don't know, but they sort of taste like chocolate."

While a Texan was preparing for the first day of deer hunting season, his wife started nagging that he never asked her to go along. After several hours of argument the wife won. That next morning they drove out to the country, and the wife climbed up in a tree for a better hidden view, about 100 yards from his blind.

Just as the hunter reached the blind, he heard a loud bang coming from the wife's position. As the Texan ran up to her, he saw that she was holding her gun on a man nearby and shouting, "It's my deer! Get away from It!" The sheepish-looking stranger just nodded slowly and said, "OK, lady..... It's your deer.... Just let me get my saddle off of it!"

That's it for today my little honey buns. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Monday, February 16, 2009

My Favorite Presidents Are Hamilton, Jackson, Grant And Franklin

Congratulations to Matt Kenseth, the winner of the rain shortened Daytona 500. Winless last season, Kenseth took the lead of the race just as a crash occured behind him, bringing out the yellow caution flag. Minutes later, it began to rain and the race was declared official a short time later. The race had several wrecks including a controversial crash that occurred when Dale Eanhardt Jr., turned Brain Vickers into the wall, taking out many of the front runners including Kyle Busch, the obvious class of the field. Kevin Harvick and A. J. Almendinger finished second and third respectively.

The Stimulus Bill recently passed by Congress contains a provision that any new construction spawned by the bill must use American steel. China is already protesting that this is "Protectionism." Since there is most assuredly a trade deficit as to what China exports to America as opposed as to what they import, I really don't care if it is protectionism. In fact, I think the U. S. Congress should enact more BUY AMERICAN bills. If this is protectionism and it stimulates the American economy, the so be it and China can kiss my ass!

Chris Brown is a (c)rap star who recently beat his girlfriend, singer Rihanna, on a street in Los Angeles, California. He was arrested February 8 on suspicion of making criminal threats. In his recent statement about the incident, he said, "Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired." I can only assume that these words were written by his publicist since most of the language of crap performers are limited to, "Ho" (ebonics for the word whore) and "mother-f**ker."

This Date In History: 1804; American naval officer Stephen Decatur leads a raid into Tripoli harbor to burn the American frigate Philadelphia, which has been hijacked by pirates. 1923; Howard Carter opens the sealed doorway to the burial chamber of the sarcophagus of Tutankhamen. 1930; Nylon is developed by scientists of E. I. du Pont de Nemours and Company, Inc., headed by the American chemist Wallace Hume Carothers. 1959; Fidel Castro becomes prime minister of Cuba following his overthrow of Fulgencio Batista.

Pictures Of The Day: My Granny often displayed her favorite bird to Grampa. Since then, birds have always fascinated me going back to my childhood when matchbooks used to have pictures of birds on the covers and I would tear them off and collect them. This practice obviously did make my father very happy, but Mom was quick to defend me noting that I was more interested in the birds than playing with fire. Satisfied that I wasn't smoking and would not burn the house down, my parents saved the covers for me and gave them to me when the matchbook was empty.

Sadly, as I got older and women became more and more a part of my life, I quite often did play with fire and have been burned more than once. Since that time, I no longer play with matchbooks, but I am still wont to play with fire every now and then.

Birthdays: Gaspard de Coligny, Huguenot leader 1519, Ernest Haeckel, German biologist and philosopher 1834, Geraint Evans, baritone 1922, John Schlesinger, film director 1926.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I was younger, I played amateur Jai Alai and won several tournaments. 2) I once (once) dated a girl who referred to her breasts as "Bert and Ernie.") 3) I am self taught on guitar, piano, keyboards and bass guitar. 4) Maroon (and shades thereof) is my favorite color. 5) My brother, Kirt, and I once bailed out of a moving 1953 Chevrolet when a green tree frog jumped from the dashboard onto the face of our friend Ronnie, who was sitting in the middle. The driverless car continued rolling for a city block with Ronnie sitiing in the middle of the front seat fighting the frog. Ronnie was not amused that we abandoned him in his time of need, but our family adage in the face of adversity has always been, "women, children and the Sullivan Brothers first."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to the old Italian woman on the elevator with her and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, farts and says "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound.

"One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation. The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels, just lean on each other until they arrive."

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled in auto mechanic school. He performed well in the course but was still shocked when he got an off-the-chart 200 on his final exam. He asked the instructor to explain the grade. "I gave you 50 points for taking the engine apart correctly," the teacher said, "50 points for putting it back together correctly -- and an extra 100 points for doing it all through the muffler."

That's it for today my little hummingbirds. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, February 13, 2009

St. Valentine's Day Thoughts And Wishes

Tomorrow is St. Valentine's Day and I'd like to wish all the ladies a very special and Happy Valentine's Day. Hopefully, it will be a very special day for all the girls. As for the men, I'd like to give you a head's up as to what you may give to your Valentine and what you should definitely avoid giving.

Women are easily pleased if you use your head and an almost guaranteed smile of satisfaction begins with the easiest but most important item you purchase, the Valentine card. The first and most important step is to actually read the card. The size of the card is never as important as the words written inside it. Adding a well thought out, honest and personal note of your own usually completes the thought quite well.

While you may be thinking of items such as jewelry and other expensive items, believe it or not, that is not always the perfect Valentines gift. While no self respecting woman will be unhappy with diamonds or a new Mercedes Benz, this is not always financially feasible. What is relatively easy to do is to make reservations at a very cozy restaurant and take your lady for a relaxing and romantic dinner.

The gift that you choose to buy her (and you should buy something) should be a gift that she probably wouldn't buy for herself. The gift should never be anything that can be used inside the home that involves cooking, vacuuming, sewing or any other mundane chore which would not be otherwise referred to as romantic.

If you choose to buy jewelry, buy quality, not size. A nice perfume is good but a little tricky. The salesgirls usually will know what's good and take their advice, because you'll never know. Never buy clothes because I guarantee that whatever you pick will be wrong! Roses are a safe and well received gift but try to pick a distinctive color. While red is normally the color of choice, I've always been partial to sending yellow roses.

Do Not Purchase the Vermont teddy bear thingy that comes with it's own little shirt! Guess what? Women watch commercials the day before St. Valentine's Day as well and they know a last minute decision when the see it. Do Not Purchase the pajamagram which comes with the hokey "do not disturb" sign and a crummy little piece of cheap chocolate. Do Not Purchase a box of chocolates, Forest Gump, it's trite and wreaks of a last minute purchase.

Whatever you purchase for your Valentine, make sure it's from the heart. That, in itself, is the greatest gift you can give.

The Daytona 500 is on Sunday and I highly recomment watching the event. It is the Super Bowl of stock car racing and I'm sure you will enjoy it.

This Date In History: 1542: Catherine Howard, the fifth wife of Henry VIII, is executed for adultery at the Tower of London. 1689: Mary and William are proclaimed joint sovereigns of England, Scotland and Ireland after the Glorious Revolution. 1692: More than 30 members of the MacDonald clan are massacred by soldiers under Archibald Campbell, 10th Earl of Argyll, in Glencoe, Scotland. 1945: Allied air forces begin a massive bombing raid on Dresden, Germany. 1975: The semi-independent, although officially unrecognized, Turkish Cypriot state was proclaimed.

Picture Of The Day: St. Valentines day brings back memories and it's one of those days I think of My Perfect Martini. So, today's pictures are dedicated to the ladies and my hope for a nice St. Valentines Day for all of you. Tomorrow's a day of affection and I hope that everyone receives their fair share.

Birthdays: John Hunter, anatomist and surgeon 1728, Lord Randolph Churchill, Conservative politician 1849, Chuck Yeager, American test pilot 1923, Oliver Reed, film star 1938.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him! He's afraid to cough!"

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. The Doctor said, "Come now, you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me." The woman says, "Well, yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink- plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies. That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl." She went on, " Later, there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!," The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be afraid of, you're simply going through the change"

The woman said to her friend, "I just don't understand?! I don't have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and guys just don't seem interested in me. I don't know what's wrong with me." Her friend said, "I know a Chinese doctor that can help you."

So, her friend gave her the doctor's address and the next day she went to see him. She tells the doctor what her problem was and he proceeded to give her instructions. The Doctor says, "Take off your crows." The woman said, "What, what did you say?" The Doctor said, "take off your crows", motioning for her to take off her clothes.

The Doctor says "Ok, now craw to the window". The woman says, "What?" The Doctor repeats, "Craw to the window" he said as he got down on all fours to show her what he meant. So she crawled to the window. He says, "Now craw back to me," motioning her to come back.

The Doctor says, "Ah-ha! I know what your problem is. You have Ed Zachary disease." The woman says, "Ed Zachary disease, what's that?" The Doctor says "Your face looks Ed Zachary like your ass".

That's it for today my little chocolate kisses. Have a Happy Valentines day, a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Shades Of Simon & Garfunkel: See Obama And Julio Down By The Schoolyard

As a journalist, there are times that one has writer's block or for some reason cannot come up with a subject that motivates words. Fortunately, when occasions like this occur, there's always something or someone who charges out of the proverbial woodwork and provides fodder for the subject of the day.

Yesterday, Obama was stumping for his stimulus package in Fort Meyers. Florida and held a town hall meeting. Members of the audience were given the opportunity to ask Obama different questions. Although Obama has been taking lessons from handlers at the Westminster Dog Show on how to handle and muzzle Vice President Joe Biden, he had not yet taken classes on how to handle stray democrats.

Meet Julio Osequeda, a living example of the Peter Principle (The Peter Principle is the principle that "In a Hierarchy Every Employee Tends to Rise to His Level of Incompetence."). Osequeda, ostensibly a college student, is studying communications and wants to be either a broadcaster or a DJ, tantamount to having the desire to be either the CEO or the mail clerk of a large corporation.

I have to admit that I felt sorry for Obama, who must have been horrified by Mr. Osequeda's blithering and he must have had visions of millions of Joe Biden clones running amok in future town meetings. I thought he handled the situation quite well as my first reaction would have been to react like Archie Bunker who would have lovingly said to Edith, "Stifle!"

Deep in my heart, I knew that I was not the only person flabbergasted by the intellect of Julio Osequeda and immediately went to You Tube confident that someone had posted a video of this village idiot in action. While searching successfully for the video, a commercial for Cash4Gold came on the television and I thought, since I'm already on You Tube......

In case you haven't seen the commercial previously, let me begin by telling you that the market is full of predatory, unscrupulous gold dealers who are making bad commercials as quickly as they can, hoping to make money on the less fortunate. This commercial, in particular, is so cheap and badly made that it appears (and I'd bet on it) that the owner is using his repulsive wife and daughter in the commercial.

The commercial states that the company has a fast and safe (?) way to change "your broken or unwanted (?) gold jewelry (pronounced by 'jew-ler-ree' by Mrs. Cash4Gold) for cash (as opposed to subway tokens?)." SAFE? They instruct you to put your gold in an envelope and mail it to them! Wow! No chance that it could be lost in the mail or stolen, right? As I suspected, this video was also on You Tube and and I offer it to you for your thoughts and opinions.

An Open Message To Nadya Suleman, the single, unemployed, food stamp recipient, mother of newly born octuplets and six other children: If you can't feed them, don't breed them. We're in a recession and I can't afford to support you.

This Date In History: 1858; St Bernadette has her first vision of the Virgin Mary in Lourdes 1929; The Lateran Treaty creates the state of the Vatican City and guaranteed to the Holy See full and independent sovereignty. 1956; Cold War spies Guy Burgess and Donald Maclean reappear in Moscow after having disappeared for five years. 1963; Poet Sylvia Plath commits suicide in London. 1975; Margaret Thatcher becomes leader of the Conservative Party.

Picture Of The Day: You may have surmised that I really like landscapes and have always been fascinated by the breathtaking beauty of America. I think that the northwest has some of the most beautiful scenery, but America as a whole really has a lot to offer from coast to coast. I made myself a promise years ago that I would not visit any other countries until I have completely seen the entire United States. Aside from Canada, Mexico (while stationed in the U.S. Army at Fort Sam Houston, Texas) and the Bahamas (it's just too easy from Miami, especially when decided on at 3:00 A.M. while in the company of a lovely lady), I have kept that promise.

Birthdays: Thomas Alva Edison, American inventor, whose development of a practical electric light bulb, electric generating system, sound-recording device, and film projector had profound effects on the shaping of modern society 1847, William Henry Fox Talbot, pioneer of photography 1800, Vivian Fuchs, geologist and Antarctic explorer 1908, Joseph Mankiewicz, Hollywood director 1909, Faruk I, Egyptian king 1920, Mary Quant, fashion designer 1934.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally breaks wind quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly soiled his bed and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?" The drunk, still staring down replied, "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."

That's it for today my little sweet peas. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned