The gods and Mr. Murphy humored me this weekend as the national news featured two different stories about idiots who fit my definition of genuine assholes.
Of course, the bailout and redistribution of the wealth is the best definition of highway robbery, but for some reason, the government doesn't see it that way and it's something we all have to deal with.
Our first winner is Vince Shlomi, the man who sells the ShamWows in those infomercials. Vince was arrested last month for allegedly attacking a prostitute. According to the police report, 44-year-old Schlomi and a 26-year-old female named Sasha Harris were at his Miami hotel when the fight occurred.
The Shamwow pitchman reportedly hit Harris after she bit his tongue. Both parties sustained injuries. Police took Scholmi and Harris in for felony aggravated battery, but prosecutors later declined to file formal charges. I kinda figured that something like this would happen to Vince sooner or later. I mean, what you expect from a lecher who looks like Popeye.
Winner number two hails from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania where a retired police chief said he was robbed by "probably the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania," at a police officers' convention on Friday morning. John Comparetto said as he came out of a stall in the men's room, a man pointed a gun in his face and demanded money. There were 300 narcotics officers from Pennsylvania and Ohio at the gathering.
Comparetto gave up his money and cell phone. But when the man, identified as Jerome Marquis Blanchet, fled, Comparetto and some colleagues chased him. They arrested the 19-year-old man as he was trying to leave in a taxi. Blanchet is also awaiting trial on four previous robbery charges. Blanchet was arraigned and taken to Dauphin County Prison. When a reporter asked the suspect for comment as he was led out of court, he said, "I'm smooth."
Yeah, well hopefully his ass will be real smooth after he becomes the bitch of his new roommate, Bubba.......!My brother Kirt sent me an email on Friday of a 9/11 memorial site referred to as "The Teardrop Memorial." It is officially known as "To The Struggle Against World Terrorism." The memorial is located in New Jersey and was donated by a Russian artist named Zurab Tsereteli. The Memorial was dedicated in New Jersey on September 11, 2006, the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on the United States. With all the bad news and commentary on television today, especially the cable news channels, I wonder why none of these news channels can find the time to report about something nice. Oh, I remember now......they profit by hyping sensationalism.
This Date In History: 1856; The Treaty of Paris brings the Crimean War between Russia and Turkey, supported by Great Britain, France, and Sardinia, to an end. 1981; American president Ronald Reagan is shot in the chest as he leaves a Washington, D.C. hotel; drifter John Hinckley, Jr. is promptly arrested for the shooting. 1999; A jury in Portland, Oregon, orders cigarette manufacturer Phillip Morris to pay $81,000,000 to the family of a man who died of lung cancer after smoking Marlboros for four decades. 2002; Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, dies at the age of 101.
Picture Of The Day: If you believe the old adage that crime doesn't pay, then you either don't have a 401K account or you haven't watched the news lately. There are times, however, that criminals are caught, punished and justice is served. Today's theme reflects those wishes and the hope that every once in a while, some deserving dumb ass gets the electric chair or life in prison.
I would be remiss though, if I didn't take a moment to think about the good citizens of Fargo, North Dakota and the surrounding communities that are suffering through the devastating floods that are affecting them. My prayers and hopes are with theses people in their time of need.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I believe the money I make belongs to me, not some congressman with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. 2) I don't really believe that the hokey pokey is what it's all about. 3) Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies and kittens. 4) An Arachnoleptic Fit is the frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 5) Women have always trusted me and that has sometimes forced me to make gentlemanly decisions despite the objections of Johnnie Walker Black. The Hits Just Keep On Coming:
A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning. The clerk said, "Congratulations! Would you like the bridal then?" The cowboy says, "Naw, thanks. I reckon I'll just hold her by the ears 'til she gets the hang of it."
The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.
The sheriff yells "Hold on, Mister...Did I just see what I think I just saw?" The cowboys says, "Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..." The sheriff says "And that cures them?" The cowboy replies, "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em." A group of American women recently established a number of nail salons in southeast Asia and staffed it with women who only speak English.
An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes, the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final yahoo and rode off.
The service station attendant asked, "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" The woman answered, "Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." The attendant said, "Lady, Indians ride bareback."
That's it for today my little horseback riders. More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !