Friday, October 21, 2016

Don't Miss Sunday's Nascar Talladega Race !

It's Talladega weekend for the NASCAR series and the third round eliminations for the Sprint Cup championship, where only eight of the twelve drivers will move on to the next round. All this with 40 drivers on a 2.66 mile banked super speedway at 200 mph.

Jimmy Johnson and have already qualified for the round of eight via their wins at Charlotte and Kansas respectively.Even though the standings show only seven points separate Joey Logano and Austin Dillon, tied for eighth, from Brad Keselowski in 11th, anyone in the field can be kicked out after Talladega.

Denny Hamlin was second in the standings at Talladega last year, but finished 37th and was eliminated. That means none of the Gibbs drivers are guaranteed anything and odds are at least one of them will be knocked out on Sunday. Same goes for the two Penske drivers.

Considering where they are in the standings, it will be difficult for both Keselowski and Logano to advance out of Talladega.

Nevertheless, it will be an exciting race and if you've never seen a Nascar Sprint Cup race, this would be a great time to start.

On Another Note: NASCAR has decided that unpredictable Talladega Super Speedway won't be an elimination race in next year's championship Chase, instead taking the pivotal stop to Kansas Speedway. The two tracks swapped dates Thursday in the most significant change to the 2017 schedule.

To the frustration of many drivers, Talladega had been the third race in the second round of the Chase for the Sprint Cup championship. The chaotic finish last year, when a wreck prevented Dale Earnhardt Jr. from having a chance to race Joey Logano for the victory, only underscored those opinions.

The News As I See It: Hillary and Trump were at a dinner together, the Al Smith Dinner, a charity event thrown annually by the Catholic Archdiocese of New York. It has become a tradition for the candidates to show up and tell jokes, like a roast. Hillary and Donald were one seat apart with Cardinal Timothy Dolan sitting between them, like an unhappy couple hoping to get their marriage annulled.

New data from the Hubble Space Telescope shows that the universe has two trillion galaxies, which is 10 times more than previously thought. The good news is, none of those galaxies are made by Samsung.

A Harvard psychologist who studies dreams recently said that dogs likely dream of our faces, our scents, and trying to please us. Then dogs said, "Nope — just butts."

This Date In History: 1797; The navy frigate U.S. Constitution, known as "Old Ironsides," was launched in Boston Harbor. 1805; Admiral Horatio Nelson died in the Battle of Trafalgar. 1837; Seminole chief Osceola was captured as he carried a white flag of truce during the Second Seminole War.

1879; Thomas Edison invented a workable incandescent electric lamp. 1959; The Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum of modern and contemporary art, designed by architect Frank Lloyd Wright, opened to the public in New York City.

Picture Of The Day: There's nothing like the excitement of the roar of the engines when the green flag starts the race.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Like my grandma always said, "Always put more booze in the mashed potatoes."  2) I like Triscuits because sometimes you just want to eat a wicker basket. 3) The worst part about getting kidnapped is when the news tells everyone your real height and weight. 4) My night was going great until a neighbor flew their drone over my property. So I grabbed my shotgun and yelled, "Pull!" 5) I had myself waxed "down there" and now my socks slide on real easy.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - : Feel free to share your inner-most secrets with your family and friends. They will adore you for your honesty and may only exclude you from everything they say or do for the next year or two. Seek solace in the bosom of a loved one. If your loved one has a particularly ample bosom, be aware that there might be others already in there. Help the smaller ones.

Birthdays: Samuel Taylor Coleridge,  poet 1772, Alfred Nobel, Swedish chemist and inventor 1833, Dizzy Gillespie, musician 1917, Celia Cruz, singer 1925, Ursula K. Le Guin, writer 1929, Benjamin Netanyahu, Israeli political leader 1949, Carrie Fisher, actress 1956.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A week after their marriage, the newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor. The husband said, "I can't figure it out doc and I'm really worried. My testicles are turning blue." The doctor said, "That's unusual. let me examine you."

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the husband's testicles are blue. The doctor turns to the wife and asks, "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?" The wife said, "Yes, I am." The doctor said, "Are you using the jelly like i told you?" Again, the wife replied, "Yes, I am." The doctor asked, "What kind of jelly are you using with it?" The wife replied, "Smuckers Grape....."

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. The husband explained, "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship."

He went on to say, "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while he waited, and so, since he didn't live far from the shop, he decided to walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped at the feed store / livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he had a to carry his entire purchases home.

The feed store owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" The biker replied, "Hey, thanks!", and out the door he went.

In the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost, and asked if he could tell her the way to 1603 Mockingbird Lane. The biker said, "As a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. We can take a short cut down this alley and be there in no time".

The little old lady looked him over cautiously, and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt and ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in Hell could I possibly hold you up against a wall and do that?" The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

One morning a man comes into the church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the scene and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.

Without batting an eye, the priest says, "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?" The altar boy relied, "Flat on his ass, Father, over by the holy water."

That's it for today, my little pet peas. Remember, a liter of Johnnie Walker Black scotch......when you absolutely, positively need to wake up underneath your neighbor's swing-set. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on ___day.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

One of these days Imma going to a NASCAR race.
Good lines tonight also. I liked the couple looking like they wanted an annulment!