Friday, December 9, 2016
Go Ahead, Make My Day !
Yesterday, I made a one minute video of my overgrown kitten, Scooter, basically because he, my cell phone and I were all next to the computer. I can't upload it because I can't find the right cable and/or one of the cats stole it to play with.
I ordered a new one from Amazon for less than $4.00, but I wanted to find the original one. I searched for it everywhere, thereby causing my back and feet to hurt like hell.
After resting a bit, I decided to look behind the two couches, neither of which have been moved in more than a year. The result was a ton of dirt and cat hair, tops from every medicinal tube or Chapstick that you can imagine and various other objects that Samantha and Scooter found entertaining to play with.
One thing that I found was an unopened pack of cigarettes which blew my mind. That's because I happened to be out and needed to take a quick trip to the store.
My undesired trip resolved, I looked one more time in the hope that I might an unopened bottle of scotch and an old girlfriend or two, but, alas, my free gift exploration fell short.
So, I will either find the original cable or wait until the new one arrives and finish the new video of scooter. I'll keep you apprised.....
The News As I See It: Congratulations to Mick Jagger, who, at 73 years old, just became the father of a baby boy....his eighth child. They say the baby looks just like his dad, all wrinkly.
Facebook has filed a patent on a system to automatically identify and remove posts containing fake news and just after the nick of time.
This Date In History: 1941; China declared war against Japan, Germany, and Italy. 1958; The anti-Communist John Birch Society was formed. 1965; "A Charlie Brown Christmas" premiered. 1990; Lech Walesa was elected president of Poland.
1993; U.S. astronauts completed repair work on the Hubble Space Telescope. 1996; Archaeologist and anthropologist Mary Leakey died in Kenya at age 83.
Picture Of The Day: Scooter calculates his next move, ever wary on the cunning, more experienced, Samantha.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) So that you know, I put the "ate" in chocolate. 2) Turns out it wasn't vertigo causing me to run into things, it was vodka. 3) (Me): "I had salmon for lunch." (Her): "The 'L' is silent. (Me): "I know that. I had salmon for unch." 4) I posted a photo of my clean house on Facebook and it was flagged as fake news. 5) It's good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.....and that's Five !
Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 9th: Romantic gestures will flourish forth today from the cup of love you hold in your heart. Destiny will help you discover that you are not intended to be alone. Do not fret or languish, for chastity is curable, if detected early.
Birthdays: Joel Chandler Harris humorist 1848, Jean de Brunhoff author and illustrator 1899, Margaret Hamilton actress 1902, Grace Hopper rear admiral, computer scientist 1906, Thomas P O'Neill political leader 1912, Kirk Douglas actor 1916, John Cassavetes actor and director 1929, Junior Wells musician 1934, Dame Judi Dench actress 1934, Tom Daschle, U.S. senator 1947, John Malkovich, actor 1953, Felicity Huffman, actor 1962, Crown Princess Masako, royalty 1963.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. "Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
Two hunters in Louisiana are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An elderly man lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died and he went to the parish priest and asked if he would say a mass for his poor departed pet.
The priest replied, "I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane."
The old man said, "I'll go right away, Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?" The priest exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world."
So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified. Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy, "It's official, I am the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."
Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell ?"
That's it for today, my little pine cones. Remember, nothing says "I don't take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Stay Tuned !