Friday, March 10, 2017
Congress: Quit Debating And Just Give Us The Same Health Care Plan That You Have
I can't begin to tell you how incredulous it is to me that some of these moronic politicians, both democrat and republican, get elected, much less re-elected. Their current project is health care. The answer is to give us the same plan that they have.
We know that they vote for their own pay raises and decide what their health care should cover. It seems to me that if they care about America, they would do the same for us.
While you're pondering that thought and waiting for hell to freeze over, morons like Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, Chuck Schumer, former SNL dufus Al Franken and American Indian descendant Elizabeth "Pocohontas" Warren continue to say things that even ex-convicts would hesitate to say.
While there are many republicans who fit right in with the above mentioned bird brains, the liberal press gives more time to democrats, thus giving the dumb republicans time to hide. Mick Mulvaney and Rob Woodall come to mind.
One of the more fortunate things is that Harry Reid, who has taken more money under the table than most politicians, is out of office. Even better, some of the birdbrains like republican Strom Thurman, have mercifully died.
Nevertheless, the plan is to repeal Obamacare and come up with a better plan for America. I hope they succeed.
The News As I See It: On Wednesday, there was a protest across the country known as "A Day Without Women." In fairness, I celebrated "A Day Without Women" all through my late teens and early 20s.
Wisconsin is hosting the U.S. Cheese Championship. Once again, the winner is expected to be "Heart Disease."
The accountants at Price Waterhouse Coopers who botched the Oscars have received death threats. The FBI tried to investigate, but the accountants handed them the wrong hate mail.
Taco Bell has announced that it is creating a hybrid of its Quesalupas and Doritos Locos Tacos, called the Doritos Quesalupa Crunch. Of course, if you can say that, you’re probably not drunk enough to eat it.
This Date In History: 1629; Charles I of England dissolves Parliament and rules alone for 11 years. 1785; Thomas Jefferson is appointed minister to France. 1848; Congress ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, ending the Mexican War. 1864; U. S. Grant became commander of the Union armies during the Civil War.
1876; The first telephone call ("Mr. Watson, come here. I want you.") was made by Alexander Graham Bell. 1948; The body of Jan Masaryk, Czechoslovakia's anti-Communist foreign minister was found. Officially a suicide, the real cause of death has never been proven. 1969; James Earl Ray was sentenced in Memphis, Tennessee, to 99 years in prison for the murder of Martin Luther King, Jr., in April 1968.
Picture Of The Day: Maxine Waters
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My parents never asked me to run away from home, but then there were so many unexplained one way tickets. 2) I typed 12 beers into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself. 3) The difference between Congress and a federal prison is that one is filled with liars, thieves, tax evaders and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. 4) Note to all of my lovely female friends: I become more attractive when you put on your wine glasses. 5) My girlfriend and I are re-enacting "Titanic". We're at the part where Rose is naked on the couch. I can't draw well. I think my pencil may be out of lead.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 10th: You may start to question evolution today and upon doing so you'll hopefully encounter a reason for your deserving the Darwin award. You can't hide from the rest of the day, so I suggest you burst headlong into it without waiting for anyone to catch up.
Take your time over getting where you're going today. You're only going to have shitty things happen when you get there.
Birthdays: Pablo de Sarasate, violin virtuoso 1844, Lillian Wald, social worker 1867, Clare Boothe Luce, playwright and diplomat 1903, Sharon Stone, actress 1958, Shannon Miller, gymnast 1977.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven. The woman said she would try her best.
God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on. The woman said, "Not bad. I've given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, pulled up my skirt and made love to me right then and there."
God said, "They don't like that in heaven." The woman replied. "They weren't too happy about it in Sears, either!"
In a recent survey, people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower! The survey, carried out for leading toiletries firm Brut, show that a huge 86% of Chicago residents say they have enjoyed sex in the shower. The other 14% say they hadn't been to prison.
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An old man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the man and asks how old he is. The old man responds, "I'm 85 years old."
The madam says, "85 years old? Don't you realize you've had it?" The old man says, "Oh, sorry. How much do I owe you?"
Murray and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Murray paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably. The other three gathered around him and asked, "What's wrong?"
Murray looked down at his feet, then apologized for his emotional outburst, "I'm sorry, I always get emotional at this hole. It holds very difficult memories for me." One of his buddies asked, "What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?"
Murray stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, "This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack right at this very hole." His buddy said, "Oh my God! That must have been very difficult for you!"
Murray replied, "Difficult? It was worse than that! Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was hit the ball, drag Edna, hit the ball, drag Edna....."
That's it for today, my little tinker toys. Remember, statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.
More next week.
Stay Tuned !