Monday, June 29, 2009

That Was The Week That Was (And It's Not Over) !

The Supreme Court ruled Monday that white firefighters in New Haven, Conn., were unfairly denied promotions because of their race, reversing a decision that high court nominee Sonia Sotomayor endorsed as an appeals court judge.

New Haven was wrong to scrap a promotion exam because no African-Americans and only two Hispanic firefighters were likely to be made lieutenants or captains based on the results, the court said Monday in a 5-4 decision. The city said that it had acted to avoid a lawsuit from minorities.

The ruling could alter employment practices nationwide, potentially limiting the circumstances in which employers can be held liable for decisions when there is no evidence of intentional discrimination against minorities.

Now there's a novel idea! Hire and promote individuals based on their skills, abilities and test results. Wow, what a concept! Of course, this result may be short lived assuming Sotomayor, an Obama lackey, is confirmed as a supreme court judge.

Bernie Madoff, who bilked thousands of victims of over 65 billion dollars in a Ponzi scheme, was sentenced to 150 years in prison today by U.S. District Judge Denny Chin. Federal sentencing guidelines require the 71-year-old scumbag to serve at least 80 percent of that time, which means this sentence is in essence a life sentence. His lawyer had asked for a more lenient sentence of 12 years.

Last week, Madoff and his wife were stripped of all his personal property after a judge issued a preliminary $171 billion forfeiture order. His wife, Ruth Madoff, was left with $2.5 million far less that the $80 million she claimed was hers. The terms of the agreement require the Madoffs to sell a $7 million Manhattan apartment, where Ruth is living, an $11 million estate in Palm Beach, FL, a $4 million home in Montauk and a $2.2 million boat.

How Ruth Madoff, her sons and other partners got out of being prosecuted for the scam is beyond me, but it is satisfying to know Bernie Madoff will die in jail. Many of Madoff's "investors" had to have known that the returns on their investments were incredibly high, if not illegal. To them I say, life's a bitch, then you lose your ass and die.

Just when I figured it was safe to return to life's proverbial waters, another well known figure died. Television pitchman Billy Mays, who built his fame by appearing on commercials and infomercials promoting household products and gadgets, died Sunday.

Mays, age 50, was found unresponsive by his wife inside his Tampa, Fla., home at 7:45 a.m. on Sunday, according to the Tampa Police Department. Police said there were no signs of forced entry to Mays' residence and foul play is not suspected. Authorities said an autopsy should be complete by Monday afternoon.

Although Mays' sudden passage is unfortunate, it's nice to know that there will be one less annoying commercial on television. Kaboom!

CNN's Don Lemon, on the red carpet at the BET Awards last evening asked Joe Jackson, Michael's father, about the pending funeral arrangements. Joe Jackson, in turn, answered the questions by hyping his new record company. Joe Jackson, when confronted again today by Mr. Lemon to clarify his odd remarks, struggled with a plausible answer and was quickly escorted away by Al Sharpton and others, citing, "we gotta go."

Meanwhile, on E-Bay, "mourners" have over 50,000 pieces of Michael Jackson memorabilia for sale.

This Date In History: 1613; The original Globe Theatre, in London, burns down accidentally when a cannon discharged during a performance of Shakespeare's Henry VIII sets fire to the building's thatched roof. 1905; The Automobile Association (AA) is established with its inaugural meeting at the Trocadero Restaurant, in London.

1940; Swiss painter Paul Klee dies in Muralto, Switzerland, aged 60. 1954; The US Atomic Energy Commission refuses to reinstate the security clearance of J. Robert Oppenheimer, the "father of the atomic bomb," citing his past ties to Communists.

Picture Of The Day: Today's a day where I have more pictures than space and I pretty much had to pick and cull the graphics. The number of Bernie Madoff pictures alone were close to one hundred.

Suffice to say that I carefully selected today's pictorial offerings for your dinning and dancing pleasures. Drinks are two for one for the guys and, as per my usual, ladies drink free!

Birthdays: Giacomo Leopardi, Italian poet and scholar 1798, George Washington Goethals, American engineer 1858, George Ellery Hale, American astronomer 1868, Robert Schuman, French statesman 1886, Frank Henry Loesser, American composer 1910.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) "My Bonnie lies over the ocean. My Bonnie lies over the sea." I guess that pretty much confirms that your Bonnie's a damned liar. 2) I thought I saw an eye doctor that I knew on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3) I was always getting a sharp pain in my eye when I drink coffee. My lady friend suggested that I try taking out the spoon. 4) Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. 5) The results of my weekend jaunt to AREA 51 ended in a tie score, with no hits, no runs, no errors and no one left on base.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Leo came home with a birdhouse one day. His wife kidded him, asking how many birds could afford deluxe accommodations in their suburban neighborhood. Leo said, "Leave that to me." Soon that birdhouse was dangling from a tree with a neat sign that read: "Room for wren.....cheep!"

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?" Nancy replied tearfully, "My goldfish died and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

In my travels around Miami, I'm always searching for the perfect AREA 51 location. I came across this biker bar on Miami Beach, but the characters were a little seedy and too tough to handle.

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't think my pet python weally gives a thit."

A teacher, explaining biology to her 4th grade students says, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter." A little girl raises her hand and says "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered." The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

The little girl said, "Well, I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!" The teacher said, "That must've been scary."The Litlle girl said, "It sure was! My kitty raised his back, went Fffff, Fffff, Fffff', and before he could say 'F**k', the Rottweiler ate him!"

That's it for today my little whipper snappers. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, June 26, 2009

I'll Be Glad When This Week Is Over !

I'm not real sure of the intelligence level of any politician based on their actions and votes in Congress, but there are some politicians whose actions cause me to question the intelligence of the people who elected them, as well.

The newest idiot on the block is South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, who in a Wednesday news conference, admitted that he's been cheating on his wife with a woman from Argentina. He will step down as head of the Republican Governors Association, but doesn't say whether he will resign as governor.

Governor Sanford had been missing in action for five days causing speculation that he was either hiking the Appalachian Trail or had been injured. My first reaction was that he was either dead or was "doing" someone, the latter thought prevailing.

The likes of Senator John Edwards (affair), Governor Rod Blagojevich (bribery), Sen. Roland Burris (bribery), Sen John Ensign (affair) and the parade of other lying, thieving politicians only reinforces my thoughts that the majority of politicians are egotistical, con men who prey upon the American voter under the guise of creating a better government.

Most politicians hone their predatory skills in lower political arenas and by the time they rise to national prominence, have their skills down pat. Yet one by one, in an almost comedic pattern, they fall from grace. Evidently unaware of the old adage "people who live in glass houses should not throw stones," they inevitably condemn those who fall in front of them, only to fall themselves at a future date.

I don't profess to be Einstein, but I am wise enough to keep my mouth closed in discussions where my past actions could easily be the subject of the debate.

I've been experimenting with foods lately and although I'm not a chef, I'm a pretty good cook. I often purchase canned guava shells which I serve chilled with cream cheese or as a topping for Haagen-Dazs French Vanilla ice cream. The other day, I purchased some bananas and it dawned on me that they would go well with the guava shells.

I sliced the bananas thinly on a bias and put them in with the chilled guava shells. Then, I ground some fresh cinnamon over the mix and chilled it. The next morning, I tried it and it was exquisite. Try it, you'll like it!

As an afterthought regarding Haagen-Dazs French Vanilla ice cream, you might like to try topping it with Disaronno Amaretto liqueur.

Yesterday was a rough day in L.A.:

Farrah Fawcett passed away yesterday after a long battle with cancer. The 62 years old "Charlie's Angels" star was diagnosed with anal cancer in 2006 and had recently been hospitalized again before succumbing to the illness. Fawcett is survived by long time partner Ryan O'Neal and their son, Redmond.

Michael Jackson died suddenly yesterday afternoon of cardiac arrest. According to reports, Jackson suffered a cardiac arrest and medics were unable to revive him. A TMZ source said Jackson was dead when paramedics arrived, while the Times says he was in a deep coma upon arrival. An autopsy will be performed today to determine the cause of death.

This Date In History: 1483; Richard, Duke of Gloucester, becomes king of England as Richard III after declaring his nephews Edward and Richard illegitimate. 1541; Francisco Pizarro, the Spanish explorer and conqueror of Peru, is assassinated by members of a group loyal to his executed, former rival, Diego de Almargo.

1858; China and Britain sign the Treaty of Tientsin, bringing a temporary end to the Second Opium War. 1945; The charter of the United Nations is signed by delegates from 50 nations in San Francisco, California. 1963; President John F. Kennedy is received enthusiastically by the residents of West Berlin, divided from the eastern half of the city by the Berlin Wall, when he tells them, "Ich bin ein Berliner.

Has any journalist noticed that after clicking "Publish Post," the next page which reads "Your blog post published successfully" now has advertising on it? It's getting to the point that I believe that the next marketing ploy will be to put advertising on toilet paper. It's an excellent idea in that you're forced to look at it anyway.

Picture Of The Day: It has been very difficult watching three very talented people pass away this week. The deaths of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson have deeply saddened the world. Today's pictures reflect the almost expected weekly screw-up by a politician with South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford taking the starring role.

I would be remiss, however, not to include pictures of Farrah Fawcett, whose long and agonizing battle with cancer finally ended yesterday and the sudden and unexplained death of singer Michael Jackson.

Birthdays: Diego Portales, Chilean statesman 1793, Bernard Berenson, American art critic 1865, Pearl Buck, American novelist 1892, Peter Lorre, Hungarian actor 1904, Laurie Lee, writer and poet 1914.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I once went to a restaurant called Bulimia's. The food wasn't bad, but the lines to the bathroom were very long. 2) My friend says he's got a "trophy wife." He may be right, but I don't think the trophy was for first place. 3) When flying, it scares me when the plane begins its approach for landing and, over the loudspeaker, you hear the pilot saying "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!" 4) The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee 5) A day without sunshine is like.....well, night.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

My pal, Garnett, became confused when he heard the word "service" used with these agencies - The Internal Revenue "Service", the U.S. Postal "Service" and the Cable TV "Service." This is not what he thought the word "service" meant, but today, he overheard two farmers talking. One of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now he understands what all those agencies are doing to us.

Thanks to Brother Kirt for the following story:

On his 74th birthday, A man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby Indian reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The medicine man replied, "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and as she began throwing off her clothes she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?" !

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition or one could end up with a dangling participle!

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer,"So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake! He should never have gotten down there. Send him up here, immediately!" Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right! And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

That's it for today my little moon pies. Friday signals a trip to AREA 51 for a bit of rest and procr....recreation. Count me in! Have a great weekend and more on Monday!

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Goodbye Ed McMahon - It Was The Best Of Times !

Ed McMahon, legendary announcer and side-kick to Johnny Carson for more than 30 years, died yesterday at the age of 86. McMahon died shortly after midnight at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center surrounded by his wife, Pam, and other family members.

Ed McMahon was well known as a spokesman for Budweiser Beer and Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. Ed was also the emcee for Star Search, an earlier version and foundation for the current television hit, "American Idol."

I watched the Tonight Show religiously over the years and the banter and quips between Johnny and Ed are etched into my memory forever. Much like the classic comedy of The Honeymooners' Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton, the likes of Oliver and Hardy, and other comic teams, the antics of Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon will live on forever. Rest in peace, my friend.

As a tribute to Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon, here is an old clip from 1974 of "Carnak the Magnificent" with Johnny and Ed at their finest (Please remember to turn off the audio from my music playlist).

The list of mispronounced words continues to grow and I'm continuing to collect them for a future fictional story. I am prone to refer to this list as "Dimwiticisms" and if anyone has another idea on what to call this collection, please let me know in your comments.

For those of you who have asked about Possum's Journal, I want to let you know that Shithead is alive and well and living part time in Argentina (I made that last part up). I have been behind on my own projects and the problem with Shi.., Possum is that he dictates the entry and I have to type it. Evidently, he doesn't understand the fact that one of us has to work. We'll have an entry for Possum's Journal soon.

This Date In History: 1314; At the Battle of Bannockburn, Robert Bruce, king of Scotland, defeats Edward II, king of England. 1497; An English expedition led by John Cabot makes the first recorded sighting of North America by a European, landing at what may have been Cape Breton Island.

1701; The Act of Settlement gets royal assent to ensure a Protestant monarchy in England. 1901; Pablo Picasso exhibits in Paris for the first time, at the age of 19. 1922; German nationalists assassinate foreign minister Walther Rathenau in response to his policy of paying war reparations for Germany's role in World War I.

1947; An American pilot reports seeing objects he describes as "saucers" flying near Mount Rainier in Washington, leading to the popular term "flying saucers". 1948; Soviet forces impose a total land blockade of West Berlin to drive the Western Allies from the city.

Picture Of The Day: In honor of Ed McMahon who was the spokesman for Budweiser Beer, the fact that I drink Budweiser beer as well and, of course, today is Hump Day, today's theme is Budweiser.

It also doesn't hurt to mention that I am a bit fond of naked women holding Budweiser bottles.

Birthdays: Eleuthère Irénée Du Pont de Nemours, French-born American industrialist 1771, Ambrose Bierce, American satirist 1842, Horatio Herbert Kitchener, soldier and imperialist 1850, Harry Partch, American composer and instrument maker 1901, Claude Chabrol, French film director and screenwriter 1930.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My patience for the noise of late night partying is growing thinner, yet I do not call the police. I think it's probably due to being guilty of the same offense myself. 2) I had a lady friend ask me if I thought she should have a baby after 35 and I told her 35 children was enough. 3) Childbirth is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex. 4) The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese 5) I've heard that giving up wine, women and song will add ten years to your life. All things considered, I'll give up the ten years. What am I going to miss, drooling?

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound.

Miss Annabell said, "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City. They have men there who kiss other men on the lips." Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my!" Miss Annabell said, "They call them homosexuals." The young girls fan themselves and say "Oh my! Oh my!"

Miss Annabell continued, "They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!" The girls asked, "What do they call them?" Miss Annabell said, "They call them lesbians."

Miss Annabell said, "They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City." The young girls squealed, "Oh My! Oh My!," as they sat on the edge of their chairs and fanned themselves even faster. "What do they call them?" they asked in unison.

Miss Annabell leans forward and said in a hush, "Why, when I caught my breath, I called him Precious."

While a Texan was busily preparing for the first day of deer hunting season, his wife started nagging that he never asked her to go along. After several hours of argument the wife won.

The next morning they drove out to the country, and the wife climbed up in a tree for a better hidden view, about 100 yards from his blind. Just as the hunter reached the blind, he heard a loud bang coming from the wife's position.

As the Texan ran up to her, he saw that she was holding her gun on a man nearby and shouting, "It's my deer! Get away from It!!

The sheepish-looking stranger just nodded slowly and said, "OK, lady..... It's your deer.... Just let me get my saddle off of it!"

That's it for today my little chickadees. It's Hump Day which is a damned good excuse to mosey over to AREA 51 and check things out. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Monday, June 22, 2009

It's Been Just One Of Those Days !

I should have suspected something when today's plan for two eggs, sunny side up, was amended to become a cheese omelette, when, upon breaking the eggs, the yellow in each, broke. Since my heart really wasn't set on how to make the morning breakfast, I wrote it off to my not paying attention and proceeded to cook breakfast. Even sloshing a bit of my coffee onto the kitchen floor did not even suggest the makings of a bad day.

Undeterred, I walked over to the corner bakery and ordered some Cuban coffee and two ham and two chicken croquettes. The woman who normally takes care of me was busy and I got the new girl instead. A rather matronly woman, she asked me (in Spanish) for my order and since I speak Spanish her, I answered in kind. She asked if I wanted the croquettes separated and I said no. When she brought the order, she forgot the Cuban coffee. When I reminded her, she said that my hurried (?) order made her forget the coffee.

I escaped the bakery intact and when I returned home, both the cable and the Internet were out. Shrugging it off, I went to eat my croquettes and have some Cuban coffee. Alas, Senora Pms had only put two croquettes (and charged me for four). At this point in time, I'm beginning to realize this might be a bad day. This also thwarts my idea about going to the bathroom to take Ralph for a walk, because everything I've touched so far has turned into caca.

Since I have a few appointments this afternoon (and the weatherman is predicting a monsoon) we'll see what the rest of the day has to offer. I'm hoping the worst that can happen is that my appointments are all near AREA51 where I might end up taking refuge. To Be Continued.....

Friday's post on misused and mispronounced words was fun and you, my faithful little readers, came up with some real good ones. I'm compiling a list of these words (a new addition being "duck" tape in lieu of duct tape) and I think I'm going to make a future entry using all of them. If you have any more suggestions, please leave them in you comments because I think we can have some fun with this idea.

This Date In History: 1377; Upon the death of his grandfather, Edward III, Richard II becomes king of England, aged 10. 1535; Cardinal John Fisher is executed for refusing to accept Henry VIII as head of the Church. 1679; A revolt by Scottish Covenanters is crushed by an army commanded by the Duke of Monmouth at Battle of Bothwell Bridge, in Lanarkshire.

1941; Breaking the non-aggression pact signed by the two countries in 1939, Nazi Germany invades the Soviet Union.

1977; Former US attorney-general John Mitchell begins serving his sentence for his role in the Watergate Scandal, becoming the first US attorney-general to go to prison. 1978; American astronomer James W. Christy discovers that the dwarf planet Pluto has a moon, which he names Charon.

Picture Of The Day: I found a few pictures that Iiked and none have much to do with the other, I just liked 'em. Since one of my part-time projects is finding any picture that makes Nancy Pelosi look like a bigger fool than she actually is, I found one of her and a great use of duct (aka duck tape for the hard of understanding and speaking). The picture of Iran's president Imadinnerjacket also amused me. I hope you like today's choices.

Birthdays: Julian Huxley, biologist and author 1887, Erich Maria Remarque, German-American novelist 1898, Billy Wilder, Austrian-born American film director, writer, and producer 1906, Katherine Dunham, American dancer and choreographer 1909.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. 2) I never raised my hands to my kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. 3) I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. 4) My mother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and I have no idea where she is! 5) An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Garnett, for the following story.

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name and in a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "Yes, I have your name right here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation, but I don't want the same doctor that did yours."

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of horse manure. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" The farmer replied. "Horse manure." The little boy said, What are you going to do with it?" The farmer replied, "Put it on strawberries," The little boy said, "You ought to live here, we put sugar and cream on ours."

The divorce court judge said, "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very fair, your honor." The husband said "That's very fair, your honor and every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself !"

That's it for today my little pop tarts. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, June 19, 2009

Say What?

I don't profess to being an English scholar, but I did pay attention in school. Since expression of ideas usually requires an idiom, I thought this was time well invested. Apparently, some people do not see it that way and the result is usually a person who sounds like a complete idiot when he or she speaks or writes.

That point notwithstanding, people have gone on in life and have been successful without a complete grasp of the English language. Remarkably, a perfect case would be former president George "Dubya" Bush, who never quite understood that the word nuclear is pronounced "nu-kle-ar" and not "nu-cu-lar." I would assume that people who cared about Bush would have taken him to the side an explained the correct pronunciation just in case he didn't want to appear as a complete ass while speaking in front of the world.

Of course, mangled English is not just a presidential option. Check out U.S. representative Corrine Brown (D-Fla) speaking to the house of representatives about the Florida Gator football team.

The misuse and mispronunciation of other words by some people also cause me to want to stick a pencil in their ear. Another favorite is the word "jewelry." The word is pronounced "jew-el-ry", not jew-ler-ry." My disgust for greedy, opportunist sites such as owned by Jeff Aronson is further irritated by his apparent use of his wife and daughter to hawk his business. If anyone should be able to pronounce jewelry correctly, you'd think it would be the Aronsons. Perish the thought!

The commercials portray the mother-daughter team as clients who cry, "I didn't know that I could get cash for my "unwanted jew-ler-ry." I don't know about other people, but I have no "unwanted gold." I have gold that I don't wear or use often, but I want it anyway.

As for their "own refinery", which is ostensibly why they pay "top dollar", I called the 800 number at 4:00 am this morning to ask where the refinery was located. The operator said she did not know, but all the information would be in the "free packet" that she would be happy to send me (how kind of them to sent the packet free of charge). My assumption is that their "refinery" is in the basement of their home in New York City.

Finally, the word "realtor", which designates a licensed member of National Association of Realtors is pronounced "real-tor", not "real-a-tor." As a licensed real estate broker, it embarrasses me when this word is mispronounced by a licensed real estate professional. The piece de resistance came the other day while during the airing of a real estate commercial by the National Association of Realtors, the spokesperson pronounced the word as "real-a-tor." No wonder the real estate market went to hell in a hand basket!

Finally, if one took away the Blackberries, Blueberries, Strawberries, iphones, urphones, he-she-or-itphones which are used to blog on facebook, Myspace or Twitter, they would not be able to communicate their order for the number five meal at McDonalds. This, of course would completely confuse all the employees, whose only job skills require the abilty to match an order to a numbered picture on the wall. And the world falls into chaos......

Do you have a word that is often mispronounced that completely drives you up the wall? Let me know in your comments and maybe we'll write an English book for dummies with electronical gadgets.

Speaking of gadgets, Apple has a new iphone which went on sale today. I could have practically guaranteed this would happen as I recently got a new cell phone one month ago. I don't feel too bad though. The iphone is more complicated that my LG Vu and so far, I can only make calls, answer calls and take a picture. Maybe I should have listened more in electronics class and not worried so much about a real-a-tor who sold all his unwanted jew-ler-ry because of an impending nu-cul-ar conflict.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

This Date In History: 1155; Frederick I, after consolidating his power in Germany and Italy, is crowned Holy Roman emperor by Pope Adrian IV in Rome. 1812; The United States of America declares war on Great Britain in what would become known as the War of 1812.

1815; British, Prussian, and Dutch troops led by the Duke of Wellington and Gebhard Leberecht von Blücher defeat Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo. 1928; Amelia Earhart becomes the first woman to cross the Atlantic by air when she is a passenger on a transatlantic flight.

1940; Prime Minister Winston Churchill makes his “finest hour” speech to the House of Commons ahead of the imminent Battle of Britain. 1983; Sally Ride becomes the first American woman in space, aboard the space shuttle Challenger.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

Picture Of The Day: Themeless would best describe today's pictures from my ecletic mind. These pictures just struck me due either to their color, effect or subject matter and I thought I show them to you. The color selection was "blue," and the subject matter was "revenge." The effect was how funny I thought of the idea of portraying Captain Kirk and Spock as pimps.

Birthdays: Bartolommeo Ammanati, Italian sculptor and architect 1511, Viscount Castlereagh, British statesman 1769, Édouard Daladier, French statesman 1884, Sammy Cahn, American songwriter 1913, Paul McCartney, British singer and songwriter, the most commercially successful composer in history 1942.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've watched so many re-runs of "Seinfeld", I'm beginning to know the dialogue by heart. 2) I wonder where the phrase, "by heart" came from? 3) Since I enjoy making chicken soup, I wanted to make other varieties of soup using fowl, but I nixed the idea when I realized that I don't like cream of asparakeet.... 4) My high school pal, Larry Schitz, was always embarrassed with his name and when he reached the age of 21, he legally changed his name to Robert Schitz. 5) If one of the swimmers in a synchronized swimming group drowns, do the rest drown too?

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal, Garnett for the following ditty...

A little old lady from Newfoundland had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan.

The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all....." She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms; I can do this! She sent in her entry and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house. A man got out and said, "Carnation loved your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it..."

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him over. The policeman walked up to the man and asked, "Have you been drinking, sir?" The man replied, "Why? Was I weaving all over the road?" The policeman, "No, you were driving splendidly. It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away."

A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be held against you." The drunk replied, "Boobs".

That's it for today my little lamb chops. It's Friday and I hear a faint call to happy hour at AREA 51 in the distance. Happy Father's Day to all the Dads! Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !