Monday, May 2, 2016

It's Time To Take Back The Streets

Hey Seattle! When protests turn violent, start with police on horseback and barricades. If it continues, sound a 30 minute warning siren allowing protesters to leave. Times up?! Snipers selectively wing a few armed or masked protesters. Problem solved!

Too harsh? Tell that to the police officers who were injured by flying rocks and Molotov cocktails. Tell that to the number of people who have been attacked by thugs. Tell that to the people who were blocked by protesters on the freeway possibly slowing an ambulance who may have been on it's way to help someone.

These people are terrorists. You can't reason with assholes or animals. The only thing they understand is what suits their purpose and to hell with anyone in their way. Many of the protesters came armed, wearing protection, gas masks and other types of masks to hide their identity.

The first rule of allowing any "peaceful" protest should come with the stipulation that no masks of any kind will be tolerated, Secondly, anyone wearing armor or protection would also not be allowed to protest. If you are going to protest peacefully, none of the aforementioned paraphernalia is necessary.

The safety of the general public outweighs any acceptance of violence by terrorists, thugs and troublemakers.

The News As I See It: Vice-president Joe Biden made a surprise trip to Iraq last week and no one was more surprised than him....."Last time I use Expedia!"

In the NFL Draft, the Los Angeles Rams used the first pick to select quarterback Jared Goff. He's a college student who just got a job worth over $20 million, or as he put it, "I no longer support Bernie Sanders!"

This Date In History: 1885; Good Housekeeping magazine went on sale for the first time. 1939; Lou Gehrig established a new major-league baseball record when he played his 2,130th consecutive game. It would take another 57 years before Cal Ripken, Jr., broke it. 1945; The Soviet Union announced the fall of Berlin.

1955; Tennessee Williams won the Pulitzer Prize in Drama for Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. 1969; The British ocean liner Queen Elizabeth II departed on her maiden voyage to New York. 1994 Nelson Mandela was victorious in South Africa’s first multiracial election.

1997; The Labour Party’s Tony Blair became Prime Minister of Britain, ending 18 years of conservative rule. At 44, he was the youngest prime minister in 185 years. 2011; U.S. troops and CIA operatives shot and killed Osama bin Laden in Abbottabad, Pakistan.

2012; A pastel version of The Scream, by painter Edvard Munch, sold for $120 million in a New York City auction. The transaction set a new world record for an auctioned piece of art.

Picture Of The Day: Now, you tell me. Does this asshole look like he's dressed for a non-violent protest? He would be my first shot.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) At the airport yesterday, a TSA worker asked a passenger, "Has anyone handled your bag?" The passenger said, "No, but she's right behind me." 2) It's now politically correct to award kids trophies for last place. On a related note, "trophy wife" has become rather ambiguous. 3) My friend had to sign a form stating she understands her mother's cremation is non-reversible. I weep for our species. 4) I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked. 5) I'm ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - May 2nd: Your message today is "cryptic", which basically means that I made it up. You will get an important phone call today, but you won't be able to find a pen to write down the message. In the interim, you work on solving the cryptic message and I'll look for a pen.....

Birthdays: Alessandro Scarlatti, composer 1660, Catherine the Great, czarina of Russia (1762–96) 1729, Elijah J. McCoy, inventor 1843, Theodor Herzl, Zionist 1860, Manfred von Richthofen, aviator 1892, Benjamin Spock, pediatrician 1903.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood, knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that." The man said, "There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

The man said, "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question." The priest asked, "And what is that, my son?" The man said, "Should I tell her the war is over?"

A mother of five decides to get plastic surgery on her privates so her husband can enjoy the snugness she had in her youth. So, she heads off to the doctor for the procedure. Once the procedure is done, she wakes up to find three roses on her bed, and asks the nurse who sent them.

The nurse says, "The doctor wanted you to know he appreciates the business, so he left you a rose. Then your husband came in with a rose, stating that he can't wait to feel the results of the surgery, so he left a rose, too."

The patient asked, "What about the third rose?" The nurse replies, "Oh, that's from Ed in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for the new ears."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Maude and Thelma, two old spinsters, are sitting on the front porch swing, watching two women across the street.

Maude leans over and says to Thelma, "These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?"

A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is.

The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead.

The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".

The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.

No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face.

She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!".

That's it for today, my little Cracker Jacks and Crackers Jills (and Cracker Sherrys). Remember, ain't no sunshine when she's gone.....or sandwiches. Ain't no sandwiches either.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Agree completely with your take on protests. Great lines in the news and printables!.

The crackers being held captive by mechanics in North Carolina.