Friday, November 4, 2016

Hello Neuman !

Many people may not remember Alfred E. Neuman, but back in the day, he was quite the fad. A Mad magazine creation, Alfred surely is more qualified for president than Crooked Hillary or Trump.

Of course there's always Newman (aptly portrayed by Wayne Knight), the lovingly obnoxious neighbor of Jerry Seinefeld, who would also be an effective candidate for the presidency, as well.

Nevertheless, the 2016 presidential circus will be over by Tuesday and we can either celebrate or bemoan the results.

Congratulations to the Chicgo Cubs, who, after 108 years, are the 2016 World Series champions. That’s so long ago, the 2016 presidential election hadn’t even started yet.

The win didn't come easy though, as the game went into extra innings with the Cubbies edging out a fine Cleveland Indians team 8-7 in ten innings.

The News As I See It: Disgraced Former Congressman Anthony Weiner has reportedly checked into rehab for sex addiction after his numerous sexting scandals. Weiner has asked for privacy and the Wi-Fi password.

A tech blogger in California used a weather balloon to drop an iPhone from the edge of space, at 100,000 feet in the air, to see what would happen — and still, somehow the phone landed in the guy’s toilet.

According to a survey of over 40,000 Americans, candy corn was the most popular Halloween candy state by state. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups got the most votes overall. So basically, Reese's got the popular vote and candy corn won the Electoral College.

Hillary Clinton got quite a scare Halloween night. I guess a trick-or-treater came to the door dressed as a lie detector.

This Date In History: 1842; Abraham Lincoln married Mary Todd in Springfield, Illinois 1880; James and John Ritty of Dayton, Ohio, patented the first cash register. 1922; Howard Carter discovered the tomb of Tutankhamen in Egypt.

1924; Nellie T. Ross of Wyoming was elected the nation's first woman governor, to serve out the term of her husband who died in office. 1956; Russian troops attacked Budapest and crushed the Hungarian revolt under Premier Imre Nagy.

1979; The American embassy in Tehran, Iran, was seized by militants and 90 Americans were taken hostage. 1995; Israeli Prime Minister, and Nobel Laureate, Yitzhak Rabin, was assassinated by a right-wing Israeli.

2008; Democratic senator Barack Obama wins the presidential election against Sen. John McCain, taking 338 electoral votes to McCain's 161. Obama makes history as the first Mulatto U.S. president.

Picture Of The Day: Yep....!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) It's called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken. 2) I'll bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace. 3) If you look in the mirror and say "pumpkin spice latte" three times, a suburban college girl, majoring in the arts, will appear and tell you everything she loves about the fall. 4) (Girlfriend): "I finally caught you. I could hear it from the other room. You were watching porn." (Me): "No, it's women's tennis."  5) My friend's mother-in-law is coming to stay with him for a week. He spent the day clearing out half of his closet so she would have a place to hang upside down and sleep.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - : Your brother is heavy, no matter what you hear on the radio. The end is growing nearer but, according to the stars, there's still plenty of time. If you never liked asparagus before, try it again. It still tastes like shit, but your tastes may have changed.

Birthdays: Will Rogers, actor, humorist 1879, Harry George Ferguson, inventor 1884, Walter Cronkite, news broadcaster 1916, Art Carney, actor 1918, Loretta Swit, actor 1937, Laura Bush, First Lady 1946, Matthew McConaughey, actor 1969.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate.

The girl was running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest.

Looking at them, the husband said to his wife, "I don't know whether to watch them or the game." His wife said, "Better watch them! You already know how to play volleyball."

An old couple is on a walk when a pigeon flies by and takes a dump on the woman’s head. The old woman says, "Yuck! Get some toilet paper."

The old man replies, "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

An aging grandmother tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, the farmhouse and $24,548,750 in cash."

The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are so generous! I didn’t even know you had a farm. Where is it?" Grandma whispered, "Facebook....."

That's it for today, my little moon pies. Remember, they say that intelligence is the new cleavage. This may or not be true but I believe that intelligence is barely head and shoulders above cleavage. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More next week......

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Neuman is fine with me, at present I am an 'anyone but Hillary' type of voter.