Friday, June 23, 2017
A man stumbles to a bar and asks for a drink. Noticing the only other man at the bar, he tells the bartender to buy him a drink. The first man then asks, "Where are you from?" The second man replies, "I'm from Miami, but my Dad was born in Alabama."
The first man says, "What a coincidence my Dad's from Alabama too! Let's have another round to Alabama." The second man says, "Good idea!"
Curious, the first man then asks, "Where in Alabama is your Dad from?" The second man replies, "Tuscaloosa." The first man says, "I can't believe it. My Dad's from Tuscaloosa too! Let's have another drink to Tuscaloosa."
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?" The second man, "Hialeah High school. I graduated in '64." The first man says, "This is unbelievable! I went to Hialeah High too and graduated in '63!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. The regular says the bartender, "Hey Tom, what's going on?" The bartender says, "Nothing much, same old thing. Mondays are slow and the Sullivan brothers are drunk again."
The News As I See It: Following losses in two special elections, one Democratic staffer reportedly said, "We have 80-year-old leaders and 90-year-old ranking members. This isn’t a party, it’s a giant assisted living center." Even worse, the reporter then asked about the upcoming G7 summit and several democrats yelled. "Bingo!"
A Muslim model has become the first woman to appear in a hijab on the cover of Allure magazine. She also appears in a fashion spread entitled, "Ten Hot Looks for When You’re Detained at the Airport."
Ikea recently announced that it will be launching a candle collection, because what goes together better than Ikea furniture and an open flame?
It's amazing that that Dennis Rodman is visiting North Korean leader Kim Jong Un again. It's even more amazing that they are friends, especially considering Kim Jong Un doesn’t speak English and Dennis Rodman doesn’t speak English.
This Date In History: 1868; Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an invention he called a ''Type-Writer.'' 1947; The Senate overrode President Truman's veto of the Taft-Hartley Act. 1969; Warren Burger was sworn in as Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court.
1972; Richard Nixon and H. R. Haldeman discussed ways to obstruct the FBI's Watergate investigation. Revelation of this conversation spurred on Nixon's 1974 resignation. 1992; Mobster John Gotti was sentenced to life in prison.
1995; Dr. Jonas Salk, the medical pioneer who developed the first polio vaccine, died. 2003; The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the University of Michigan's School of Law affirmative action policy.
Picture Of The Day: Many mango seasons ago.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) One of the few joys in life is seeing a barefooted kid step on his own Lego. 2) When someone's telling you a horrible story and they're crying, how long should I wait before take a bite of my corn dog? 3) If there isn't a Chinese millionaire that has changed their name to Cha Ching, then I don't see the point of money. 4) My friend's teenage kid said he wanted to go to JFK for some fried chicken. He won't be majoring in history, but it's nice to know he is scouting out his career options. 5) Starbucks should have a separate line for people who don't know what they want or how the world works..... and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Cancer - June 23rd: Don't trust little birdies, they're renown liars. The story of the tortoise and the hare will make you rethink things the coming week. Don't worry, the tortoise still wins because the hare doesn't read fairy tales.
Birthdays: Edward VIII king of Great Britain and Ireland 1894, Alan Turing computer scientist 1912, Wilma Rudolph Track and Field 1940, James Levine music director 1943, Clarence Thomas associate justice 1948, Frances McDormand actress 1957.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. The doctor says, "Impossible! Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? The young woman replied, "Well, no, I'm actually a blonde." The doctor said, "I thought so. Your finger is broken."
The married and had 6 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 4 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 2 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows. His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.
The following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks delighted and remarks, "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows!"
His friend says, "Wow! What did the vet do to that bull?" The farmer replied, "He just gave him some pills'" His friend asks, "What kind of pills?" The farmer said, "I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."
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That's it for today, my little doodle bugs. Remember, regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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More next week.
Stay Tuned !