Friday, November 7, 2008

Everyone Has A Photographic Memory, But Some Don't Have Film !


Friday has arrived and by my calculations, a trip to AREA 51 is in order. This week is finally over and I'm sure that all of you welcome a return to normalcy. It's karaoke night at Lakes Cafe and the recent change in ownership is working out quite well. Friday nights has seen a substantial increase in patronage and has also brought more talented performers to the karaoke show. With the weather becoming cooler by the day, I look forward to enjoying tonight's activities.

I'm a little taken aback at the multitude of houses and stores that already have their Christmas decorations up. We just gotten over Halloween and the presidi..., we've just gotten over two Halloweens, and the Christmas commercials are hitting the media, both print and television. I love Christmas, but there's this cute little holiday called Thanksgiving that I think the stores that are already hawking Christmas sales might want to consider. Call me silly, but let's just take one thing at a time.

I want to thank everyone for their comments and reactions to my Wednesday entry. I evidently ruffled a few feathers with my thoughts, but if you don't know me by now, you never will. Whether you agree me or you don't, I say what's on my mind and I welcome contrasting views. My long time readers who did disagree with my views, said so, with no hard feelings, and tomorrow's another day.

There were a couple of newer readers who just picked up their ball and went home. I have no problem with that either. I believe that the term "politically correct" is just a way to say one thing to a person's face and say another thing behind his back. That's not politically correct, that's hypocracy. If one wants to become angry at that, then one must have been truly outraged at the barbs, insults and innuendos exchanged by all parties in this past election.

This Brings Me to Murphy's Lesser Known Laws:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people "appear"bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable-- except from a vending machine.

3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability that you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, on a hill, in the fog.

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When going to court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award nominations are open and this week my have spawned one or two thoughts for nominees. Anyone can make a nomination so if you feel there are any deserving nominees from this week's news, please feel free to nominate them. Nominations are open until Monday at noon.

This Date In History 1307 The legendary Swiss patriot William Tell is said to have shot Gessler, the despotic Austrian governor of his canton, Uri, on this day. 1885 The Canadian Pacific Railway, linking the east and west coasts of Canada, is completed with the last spike being driven at Craigellachie, British Columbia.

1917 The Bolsheviks seize power in Russia, creating the world's first communist state. 1944 Franklin D. Roosevelt is re-elected to a record fourth term as president of the United States. 1944 Franklin D. Roosevelt is re-elected to a record fourth term as president of the United States

Picture Of The Day Johnny Walker Black, my long trusted consultant and spiritual advisor in one of his rarer forms. Although I am sometimes the one in rare form, he usually doesn't let me wade too deep into unknown waters.

Birthdays Marie Curie, née Maria Sklodowska, French physicist and twice Nobel laureate, best known for her work on radioactivity, with her husband Pierre 1867, Leon Trotsky, Russian Marxist theorist and revolutionary 1879, Albert Camus, French novelist, essayist, and dramatist 1913, Billy Graham, American evangelist 1918, Joan Sutherland, Australian soprano 1926.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription!"

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa ! You need to go out and fix the outhouse seat!" Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse seat." Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

So......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the seat! " Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!" Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!" Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse seat!" Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it ?!"

That's it for today, my little billy goats. Have a great and safe weekend and more on Monday.

Stay tuned !

14 comments:

Rose said...

I love the photo of Johnny Walker.

I especially love your list of Murphy's Lesser Known Laws!

Enjoy your weekend!

Hugs, Rose

Me said...

I have a nominee or tow I would like to vote in but I'll be a good little blogger for now. Loved both jokes.

Anne said...

All I can concentrate on is the music. I LOVE it Jim. It sooths my soul. I need that. Thanks, Anne

Linda's World said...

Ya, it's been a long week. The new Prez elect gave his first news conference today...it was interesting. He's going to have his hands full for sure~I hope he can handle it. At least the members of Congress are the same party as him, so he won't have to fight them on everything. Don't forget the bread crumbs. Linda in rainy & warm Washington state

garnett109 said...

What you talking about willis?

Paula said...

Number 2 and number 6 in Lesser Laws are right on.

Dirk said...

Love your lesser known Murphy's Laws! I was really amazed, but probably shouldn't have been, about a commenter in your last post that said she would no longer follow your journal because you didn't share her political views! Amazing! Differing viewpoints & debate helps everyone expand their horizons. I have a number of readers of my journal that are liberals, they comment differing points of view, but we remain friends. I agree with your summary of "political correctness."

Dirk
THE FIRST AMENDMENT,NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT
http://tsalagiman2.blogspot.com/

Joann said...

I LOVE that 'two halloweens' thing... LOL!!! Great music on your playlist!! Funny Murphy's Lesser Known Laws!! LOL!! I'll be on the lookout for a CAT nominee!!

Martha said...

Hope your visit to Area 51 was a fun one as always :-)

Nancy said...

Hope you're having a safe, fun weekend!

Nance

Solitary Dancer said...

I have to say I enjoyed your post. I didn't have time to comment on blogs due to a visit from Mom. Sorry, but she's just a bit more important. LOl

I am a relatively new reader and I truly enjoy your posts and love today's subject line. LOl

Deb

Pamela said...

So...someone got offended by you?? LOL! If they packed up their toys and went home I hope the door didn't hit their backside as they left.
Loved your jokes...as always. Have a good Sunday.
Love, Pam

MISSY said...

I don't agree with everything I here but I don't stop talking to someone just because a difference of a opinion.

You're right about Christmas it comes to soon! I was seeing stuff in September! *M*
http://learningtoadapt.blogspot.com

Kelly said...

I am not going to buy into this time of years commercialism. I refuse to be assimilated! One holiday at a time. Walmart has had Halloween, Fall, Thanksgiving, and Christmas decorations all out at one time since before Halloween this year. ITS CRAZINESS! Hugs, Kelly