Monday, December 22, 2008

Jimmy's Handy Dandy Recession Proof Ideas And Liquor Store

Ok, we're in a recession and the world economy is going down the porcelain receptacle. The question is, how do we survive? Well, fear not my little penny pincher's, Jimmy has answers. For the entrepreneurs, try adding a new line to your business. You can also diversify your inventory and don't be afraid to experiment. New businesses can open up overnight.

In New York City, there would be brisk sales at "Rabbi Murray's Circumcision and Bagel Shop." In Harlem, you could patronize "Willie's Fried Chicken and Pawnshop." In the South, businesses like "Bubba's Wedding Dresses and Shotgun Sales" would do very well. In Miami, business would be booming at "Havana Joe's Used Cars and Inflatable Rafts."

For business minded people in East Los Angeles, "Paco's Tacos, Ladders and Barbed Wire Cutters" would have a phenomenal income. Nightclub owners in San Francisco could add pharmaceuticals to their menu for the wise drinker who knows a hangover when he sees it coming. Intelligent business people in Las Vegas would rake in the moolah by opening "O.J.'s Sports Memorabilia And Prison Tours."

One of the easiest ways to bring home the bacon is to sign up for Blogspot AdSense, where you can make over $.01 per day by putting advertising on your journal. As your money grows, you can probably earn nearly $49.00 by next Christmas.

There are other ways to earn money, as well. You can sell your blood and if you're really good with a syringe, you can sell your mate's blood as well. Just be careful not to wake them. For the gentlemen, you can always sell your sperm and watch free movies at the same time.

Sharing is always an entertaining way to save money. Take a shower with a friend or your pet's food with your spouse. Coupons clippers can save money buy buying in bulk. Major grocery chains always offer 24 rolls of paper towels and 36 rolls of toilet paper at reduced prices. The only drawback is the rental truck you need to take the goods to the warehouse you need to rent to store it. Five gallon jars of mayonnaise, catchup and mustard are always a good buy and they fit so easily into your refrigerator.

How about you, my sexy little readers? Do you have any suggestions? Remember, as my parents often told me..... eat your food, there are people starving in China. Now I know why! China sends all their food to Walmart because even the Chinese wouldn't eat that crap.

This Date In History: 1715; James Francis Edward Stuart, known as the Old Pretender, lands at Peterhead, Scotland, to lead a doomed Jacobite rebellion to seize the British throne. 1894; French officer Alfred Dreyfus is convicted of treason and sent to Devil's Island.

1895; German physicist Wilhelm Roentgen takes the world’s first X-ray, a photograph of his wife’s hand. 1938; Although believed to have become extinct about 70 million years ago, a living coelacanth is captured by a trawler fishing off the eastern coast of South Africa. 1956; Anglo-French forces complete their withdrawal from Egypt, thus ending the Suez Crisis.

Photo Of The Day: Plumbing and Prostate Exams are a prime example of how inter-related job skills can be successfully incorporated together. Retailers all over the nation are diversifying and today's pictures are just one example of how to survive a recession by being flexible.

Birthdays: My pal, Carmen. Happy Birthday, my love 19XX, John Crome, painter and etcher 1768, Frank Kellogg, American lawyer and politician 1856, Giacomo Puccini, Italian composer 1858, Edwin Robinson, American poet 1869, Alan Bush, composer, pianist, and conductor 1900.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

The old gentleman asked, "How do you feel about sex?" The elderly lady, responding very carefully, said, "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently." The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking over his glasses, he looked her in the eye casually asking, "Was that one word or two?"

A man takes his wife to the cattle show. They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!"

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!! You could really learn from this one."

The annoyed man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."

That's it for today my busy little elves. Shop 'til ya drop and more on Christmas Eve.

Stay Tuned !


Linda's World said...

I'll have to show the "Dr. Bob's" picture to Bob. He's a retired commercial plumber-pipefitter. I don't think he'd like the prostate exam part though. I do actually buy TP & paper towels in those big packages at Costco. It's a little cheaper that way. I just store them over in the corner of the extra bedroom. And I have a upright freezer so buy meat & other items in bulk. Great entry....I knew you'd love that Rudolph cartoon I sent you. Linda in Washington where it's still snowing & cold. (And I'm sick of it!)

Paula said...

Some good advice here in your journal. How about turn your paper towel over and use it a second time. lol

garnett109 said...

Johnny G's Guns & Whiskey everything here leaves loaded!
Johnny G's Chainsaws and prosthetics for the guy who needs a hand cutting down that tree!

Julie said...

I am going to sell to peoples vices. Buy bulk tobacco and start making beer and wine again. Trade them for food or maybe just get drunk and ride out the depression that way.

Rose said...

All your entries keep me on the floor laughing.......this was a great one........."infrequently" Too funny!

Hugs, Rose

Claudia's thoughts said...

Better you turn the paper towel over than the TP !!!!!!

MISSY said...

I love your money saving tips!! LMAO!

Here's one: You could always flush every other bathroom use lol.


Pamela said...

This entry had me laughing! I'll have to keep my eyes open for new business signs around town now LOL!!

Ally Lifewithally said...

Thanks for this entry it gave me a real good laugh ~ Ally x:o)

MISSY said...

Hey Jimmy. I'm just coming back around to wish you the best Christmas ever! (((HUGS)))