Monday, December 1, 2008

"You Better Watch Out"

The Thanksgiving weekend has ended and the Christmas holidays begin with a bombardment of advertising from the television and print media and, of course, the daily barrage of junk mail from the U.S. Post Office. We will be hit with every scheme and email scam that every Nigerian can think of, not to mention our own home-grown scumbags.

One advertisement of late that drew my attention is not a scam at all, but an idea which, in fact, works rather efficiently. The thing that bothered me was the amount of money these charlatans are charging and the thought that somebody will actually purchase it. The item is called the "door guard" or something to that effect.

The idea is that both heat and cold escapes or enters a home that has doors which are not cut to fit properly (which in the construction of today is most of them). The answer is a few inches of cloth which run the length of the door that have a sewn rounded end on both sides which would allow the insertion of a closet pole on each end. Once the lengths of closet poles are inserted into the sewn pockets, the end view of the product would look like this " O__O ".

Once slipped under the bottom of the door, it would look like this "Ol__lO ". The product is efficient and would cost less than two dollars to produce. The advertisers, humanitarians that they are, are charging (you guessed it) $19.95 each, but if you call right now (and for the next two years or whenever they go out of business), they will send you two "door guards" for the same price.

Yep, the holidays are upon us, my friends, so keep your eyes and ears open for these and other types of schemes and scams of the season.

I did not go to AREA 51 on Friday, mostly due to the fact that some body parts were already begining to reject the notion of three days of partying and I had a quiet evening at home. This entire month will be one big party and it was probably best that I get into some semblance of shape for the upcoming fiestas.

It was announced today that we're in a recession and have been since December of 2007........ Duh !

This Date In History: 1135; Henry I dies, leaving Stephen of Blois able to claim the throne of England, throwing the nation into decades of civil war and anarchy. 1854; Miners on the Ballarat goldfields in Victoria rise up in the Eureka Rebellion demanding democratic rights, a key moment in the early history of Australia.

1935; Chiang Kai-shek is elected chairman of the Kuomintang Executive Council, thereby becoming virtual ruler of China. 1942; The Beveridge Report, the blueprint for Britain’s welfare state, is published. 1959; The Antarctic Treaty, designed to preserve the uninhabited continent of Antarctica for peaceful purposes, is signed by 12 nations.

Picture Of The Day There's something to say about snow angels and this is the time of year they often appear. I've emailed Santa Claus as to my Christmas wishes and he asked for an EKG printout before he considers my request.

Birthdays: Henry Williamson, novelist and nature writer 1895, Georgy Zhukov, Soviet military officer 1896, Woody Allen, American film director, actor, and writer 1935, Bette Midler, American actress and singer 1945.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

There will be no Nativity Scene in the United States Congress, this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

A son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?" The father answers, "Well, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." The boy said, "Onions?" His father replied, "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

His infuriated wife said, "And how many kinds of 'willies' are there? A man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?" asked the boy. "Yes," said the mother, "Dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

That's it for today my little candy canes. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

I love the Christmas story!

There will be no Nativity Scene in the United States Congress, this year! Hmmmmmmmmmmm! I understand why now.

Hugs, Rose

garnett109 said...

Just watch out for the Handy Dandy Dashboard Douche Bag

MISSY said...

You're right about all the scams going around. I hope people will be watchful. Have a good evening. *M*

MISSY said...

LOL! That last joke was too funny!!!

Heli gunner Tom said...

Jimmy, I just love your style of music-- like the Doobie Bros. and long train a coming! Woo Woo! Even my wife started moving in the back ground.
And yes, i know all about scams, and wish we had smarter police and judges to prosecute them... for a change, instead of the IRS trying to skin US all the time.
Here is to your health and Joy,

Tom S

Adirondackcountrygal said...

Geez, I must be in the "pear" stage!

Linda's World said...

So did you order a door guard or not? That is the question! Linda in Washington state

Paula said...

Oh that poor little elf.

Myra said...

Shams, scams...they abound especially this time of year! Gotta stay on your toes! No Area 51?? What is that? Did they send the rescue patrol looking for you? Stay safe, my friend, and healthy!

Missie said...

Have a good week!

Anne said...

Loved the picture and the jokes but I have a commercial that really drives me crazy. If you are a night owl,like I am, then you really get sick of the one for ENTENZE.........FOR male enhancement. Please for God's sake, don't fall for this guys! Anne

natalie said...

dear JImmy,
very cute!:) thanks!

Ally Lifewithally said...

I really do feel for that poor little elf :o) ~ Ally x

Julie said...

I am glad your pacing yourself, it will be a long month. loved the entries.

Coelha :B said...

Have a great week Jimmy! :) You are a funny guy.. :) Julie