Tomorrow is Saint Patrick's Day and the weekend will revel in St. Paddy's Day parties. While most nationalities are a bit inclusive in their ethnic celebrations, everybody is Irish on Saint Patrick's Day. One of the party goers will be Barack O'Bama, whose father was born in an Irish neighborhood of Kenya.
St. Paddy's Day ranks number two (second only to New Year's Eve) in amateur drinking. For some reason, these two days are an "automatic" for producing drunks and subsequently, fights and car crashes. Of all holiday parties, St. Paddy's Day is one of the few that I curtail my drinking and keep an eye out for amateurs, especially on the road after midnight.
That important note notwithstanding, I too will be one of the party revelers as St. Paddys parties are notably lots of fun. I find that one of the major benefits are a virtual plethora of beautiful women who seem to feel obligated to get soused. I, of course, am always at the ready comfort these poor lasses and to volunteer my services as I was trained as a combat medic in the military.
So, enjoy yourselves this weekend my Irish brethren and drink responsibly. Don't drink and drive because the life you save may be mine.....
The News As I See It: Newt Gingrich has promised to cut the price of gas to $2.50 a gallon. It's not catching on with voters. How bad a candidate are you that people are willing to pay higher gas prices just to keep you out of office?
Not a good week for Obama either. His approval rating has dropped 9 percent in the last month to an all-time low of 41 percent. In fact, if this keeps up, the White House said they may have to fish bin Laden out of the ocean and shoot him all over again.
A new CBS poll found that 80 percent of Americans say they are not better off than they were four years ago. The other 20 percent own gas stations.
A Harvard study says that one out of 10 deaths are caused by red meat. You know what that really means? Nine of those 10 people were killed by vegetables.
Drug users in San Francisco have now formed a drug user's union. So look for the union label when you're buying crack. Actually, the drug users are really different now that they've formed a union. Now one guy smokes crack and four other guys stand around watching.
Police across the country say there's been a spike in criminals stealing Tide laundry detergent. So I guess all those commercials that say it cleans blood stains are really paying off. If you steal Tide laundry detergent, would that be considered a white-collar crime?
This month, in 1781, Sir William Herschel first discovered Pluto but apparently, it wasn't good enough to remain classified as a planet. In 2006, Pluto was downgraded. It's now called a dwarf planet, which I think is insensitive. "Little People Planet" would be fine.
March Madness officially began March 13th and millions of workers will waste 90 minutes a day watching basketball. Obama was at one of the games and he brought British Prime Minister David Cameron with him. It's part of a cultural exchange program. They go to a basketball game here and get involved in a brawl and then in July, the prime minister has invited Obama to England to take part in a soccer riot.
This Date In History: 1521; Ferdinand Magellan reached the Philippines. 1850;
Nathaniel Hawthorne's novel The Scarlet Letter was published. 1926; The first liquid-fuel rocket was successfully launched by Professor Robert Goddard at Auburn, Massachusetts. The rocket traveled 184 feet in 2.5 seconds. 1935; Adolf Hitler cancelled the military clauses of the Treaty of Versailles.
1968; The My Lai massacre occurred in Vietnam. 1978 Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped, and later murdered, by the Red Brigades. 1985; U.S. journalist Terry Anderson was kidnapped in Beirut; he was not released until December 4, 1991 after 2454 days in captivity.
1988; Lieutenant Colonel Oliver L. North and Vice Admiral John M. Poindexter of the National Security Council are indicted on charges of conspiracy to defraud the United States for their role in the Iran-contra affair.
Picture Of The Day: Happy Saint Patrick's Day !
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Being Irish, I'm going celebrate St. Patrick's Day in my backyard and sit down with Paddy O'Furniture. 2) The reason leprechauns laugh when they run is because the grass tickles their balls. 3) My doctor was puzzled and told me "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble. I think it must be drinking." I told him, "Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober." 4) My pal, O'Malley told me that that his wife was driving him to drink. He's lucky, my ex-wife made me walk ! 5) The Irish Jig began when Irishmen had too many drinks and not enough restrooms.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 16th: The stars align for you and Saint Paddy's Day parties will virtually assure you of two days of throwing up pieces of green. Don't let it get you down. A plate of corned beef and cabbage will put you back on the right track. Chance of romance is 89.33 percent but it may involve one of the people you party with tonight. Wear your glasses, just in case.
Birthdays: James Madison, fourth President of the United States 1751, Georg Simon Ohm, physicist 1787, Reza Shah Pahlevi, shah of Iran 1877, Henny Youngman, comedian 1906, Jerry Lewis, comedian 1926, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, sociologist and politician 1927, Bernardo Bertolucci, filmmaker 1940.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. Father O'Rafferty said, "And how is Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry you two years ago?" She replied "Aye, that you did, Father." Father O'Rafferty said, "And be there any little ones yet?" Mrs. O'Donovan said, "No, not yet, Father." Father O'Rafferty said, "Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." Mrs. O'Donovan said. "Oh, thank you, Father," and away she went.
Some years later they met again. The Father said, "Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan, how are you?" Mrs. O'Donovan said, "Oh, very well." Father O'Rafferty said, "Tell me, have you any little ones yet?" Mrs. O'Donovan "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all." Father O'Rafferty said, "Now isn't that wonderful. And how is your husband?" Mrs. O'Donovan "Oh, he's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."
Patrick Flaherty came home drunk every evening around midnight. Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either, so one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Patrick Sean Flaherty, if ya' don't give up you're drinkin', it's to hell I'll take ye'".
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell are you?". Too that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool". Flaherty replied, "Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were discussing different pubs. The Scotsman said,"As good as this is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
The Englishman said, "Well, Angus, at my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
The Irishman said, "Ahhh, that's nothin'. Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. The asked the Irishman, "Did this actually happen to you?" The Irishman, "Not meself personally, but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, May the sunshine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields and, Until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
It's Saint Patrick's Day and an armed, hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave, Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
The robber screams, "Did anyone else see my face?!" There is a few moments of silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, "I think me wife may have caught a glimpse."
That's it for today, my little leprechauns. May you always have walls for the winds, a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you and all your heart might desire. AREA 51 beckons. Have a great weekend and more on Friday.
Stay Tuned !