Friday, March 23, 2012

There Should Be A Season On Politicians !

One of the biggest things that gripes my ass is seeing politicians on the road in full campaign mode, typically a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, while their hands rifle through the pockets of followers for contributions. The only people that fall for this American Idol "workin' hard for you" get-up are the sheep who are easily swayed by things they see.

Years ago, I read the phrase, "Believe nothing of what you hear and half of what you see." A truism, the quote attributed to Edgar Allen Poe, is typical of the spin both parties use to describe their version of facts.

Yesterday, in Cushing, Oklahoma, Obama appeared in his "work mode" garb in front of same oil pipe lines to address a group of his fans, announcing that he was ordering federal agencies to speed up their review of the southern portion of the pipeline (Right! Sure you be). Republicans say it is the northern section that crosses the Canadian border that Obama must act on.

Speaker of the House John Boehner, in a press conference, said, "Today Obama's out in Oklahoma trying to take credit for a part of the pipeline that doesn't even require his approval."

All politicians are liars and thieves. That's one thing you can take to the bank. As long as you have professional politicians funded both over and under the table by special interest groups, nothing of significance will ever be done in our lifetime.

It would be refreshing to see someone from either party come up with a plan or idea and have members of both parties say, "Hey, that's a great plan! Let's do it!" It will never happen, but it would be nice.....

The News As I See It: The candidates are choosing their Secret Service code names. Mitt Romney picked "Javelin" as his Secret Service code name. Rick Santorum chose "Petris" because that's his grandfather's name. Barack Obama chose "Gas prices are not my fault."

The man who created Red Bull energy drink has died at the age of 89. Actually, he died five years ago. He was just so wired, nobody could tell. Red Bull's creator is survived by a very jumpy wife and a bunch of really jittery kids.

Peyton Manning has signed a $96 million deal to play for the Denver Broncos. How ironic is that? Tim Tebow's prayers to help the Broncos win are finally being answered.

Tim Tebow has been traded to the New York Jets. Can you imagine Tim Tebow in New York City? Talk about throwing a Christian to the lions.

March 20th was the first day of spring. I guess it's time for everyone to take down their Christmas lights. Spring is the time of year when the Kardashians lose their winter coats.

Pope Benedict will visit Mexico this weekend. He'll be the first Pope ever to attend spring break. Meanwhile, the State Department is warning spring breakers about the dangers of violence from Mexican drug gangs. So, to avoid the threat, stay out of Los Angeles as well.

According to a new book, President Obama blames Fox News for his political problems and losing voters. How could Fox News lose voters for Odumbo? People watching Fox News are not voting for him in the first place.

The Republicans were in President Obama's home state. I didn't know they were holding a primary in Kenya.

Disney will lose $200 million on its new movie, "John Carter," about a Civil War soldier on Mars. Disney could tell they were going to lose lots of money when they realized they made a movie about a Civil War soldier on Mars.

This Date In History: 1775; Patrick Henry declared "Give me liberty, or give me death." 1806; Lewis and Clark began their return journey east. 1919; Benito Mussolini founded his own party in Italy, the Fasci di Combattimento.

1983; U.S. President Ronald Reagan proposed a space-based missile defense system called the Strategic Defense Initiative or "Star Wars." 1998; The motion picture epic "Titanic" won 11 Oscars at the 70th Academy Awards, tying it with "Ben-Hur" for the most ever.

2001; Russia's Mir space station ended its 15-year orbit of the Earth, splashing down in the South Pacific. 2003; A U.S. Army convoy was ambushed in Iraq with 11 killed and seven captured, including Pfc. Jessica Lynch.

Picture Of The Day: The Mexican southern border fence.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans. Maybe they're just as good and we're wasting time refrying them. 2) I went to a restaurant and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger and drinking a glass of milk. The metamorphosis is complete. I just waited until he fell asleep and tipped him over! 3) They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that. 4) My lucky number is four million. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four million! Darn! Seven. Not even close. I need more dice." 5) I was peeling an onion and my lady friend noticed a tear in my eye. I told her, "I've never told you this before but onions make me sad!.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - March 23rd: This day can be very good for you if you play your cards right. Of course, if you play your cards the same way you played them in your last poker game, your results may vary. Chance of romance is 36.41 percent and partly cloudy. Never trust a naked bus driver.

Birthdays: My pal Vegita and the sweet Larissa. Happy Birthday my friends! 19XX, John Bartram, botanist 1699, Pierre Simon Laplace, astronomer and mathematician 1749, William Smith, geologist 1769, Juan Gris, artist 1887, Erich Fromm, psychoanalyst and author 1900, Joan Crawford, actress 1908, Wernher von Braun, scientist 1912, Donald Malcolm Campbell, automobile and boat racer 1921, Roger Bannister, physician, athlete 1929.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: There were two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day away talking. One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?" The second old man replied, "I think she's dead!"

The first old man said, "What do you mean you think she is dead?" The second old man replied, "Well, the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up."

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. He asked, "Are you trying to steal it?" One old lady said, "Heavens no, we bought it."

The cop said, "Then why don't you drive it away." The old lady said, "We can't drive." The cop asked, "Then why did you buy it?" The other old lady replied, "We were told that if we bought a car here we'd get screwed, so we're just waiting."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt for his contribution to today's stories.

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll drive his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided."

The social worker continued, "You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also as part of your job description have to satisfy her sexual urges. The daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy in wide-eyed amazement said, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker said, "Yeah, well, you started it."

One day, an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he starts reminiscing...."

He thought, "I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that. But people won't call you 'the bridge builder' if you do that here. No, no, they don't!"

He continued to think, "I remember building that house over there when I was 30. But people won't call you 'the house builder' if you do that. No, no they don't!"

His mind continued to wander, "I remember building that tavern that I still lounge at when I was 35. If you do that people won't call you 'the tavern builder' either. They sure won't! But you f*ck one goat......."

An eight-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the kid. He said, "Aren't you a little young to be drinking, son?" The kid, after taking a swig of beer, said, "That's nothing! I got laid when I was seven. The Preacher exclaimed, "What? How did that happen?" The kid replied, "I don't know, I was drunk."

That's it for today, my little fur balls. Remember, the early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. AREA 51 and happy hour is mt destination. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Yeah, they offered me that job at the welfare office too, I got the same response.

But the Political stuff was righ on Mr. Jimmy. You done good.

Been busy with childhood friends this week, knowed 'em65 yrs. I just can't remember their names.

Thanks for the good read and take care. I gotta go check to see If I am still here.