Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me

Today is considered a bad luck day by most people. As far as the White House is concerned, International politics has been unlucky for almost a month. Lets take a look at the latest missteps, gaffes and errors made by Obama and his inept administration, shall we?

Currently, we are in negotiations with Russia over how Syria will theoretically put its chemical weapons under International control.

In the past ten days, John Kerry, speaking off the cuff, knowing it wouldn't happen and saying as much, suggested that if Syria turned its chemical weapons over to the United States, it would solve the Syrian crisis. Vladimir Putin, took advantage of Kerry's gaffe and called Kerry's bluff, offering to broker a deal whereby Syria would turn over and put its chemical weapons under International control.

Although first reports from the white house said that Kerry misspoke, Kerry has subsequently stated that this was his plan from day one, an obvious lie. Kerry, a Vietnam war protester in his youth, has already been called out on his controversial position on the Vietnam war.

In the interim, Obama, by way of setting red lines about the use of chemical weapons by Syria and then blatantly and straight faced denying he ever said it, is in a jam. Obama wants to attack Syria and congress and the majority of Americans do not. In an effort to delay any action, Obama asked congress to vote on a "limited Syrian" strike, then on national tv, asked them to delay their vote pending American-Russian negotiations for a peaceful settlement.

Meanwhile, the mood in congress suggested that Obama's Syrian strike initiative would have been be voted down and failed miserably, leaving Obama with his proverbial "johnson" in his hand.

Enter Kerry and his stupidly considered remark and Putin runs with it. So, what happens now?

Kerry's unfortunate remark allows Obama to go on national tv for 15 minutes and infers that by the United States threatening Syria with a strike, Syria was forced to reconsider their position.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. Putin was the wizard in this crisis. He helped Obama save what little face he has in the world, Russia keeps its military base port in Syria and Syrian president Bashar al-Assad remains in power.

Obama and Kerry look like an Oliver and Hardy movie. Harry Reed and Nancy Pelosi continue to be leftist assholes who agree with and spin anything and everything the "chosen one" says into gospel.

Any questions?

The News As I See It: Breaking News: According to the tabloids, it looks like Chloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are done and are breaking up. If this turns out to be true, then Chloe will get the 12th pick in the NBA draft.

Chris Humphreys has gotten the engagement ring back from Kim Kardashian and he's selling it at auction for $2 million. So if a guy wants to get engaged, try to get that ring. It's the perfect way to tell your fiancee, "I want to spend the next 72 days with you."

Californians have more unplanned pregnancies than any other state. Of course, keep in mind that California has many more NBA teams than any other state.

The White House has a new slogan: "Hope and let the Russians fix it." Things are so bad that plans are being discussed for a reality show based on the White House. It’s called "Lame Duck Dynasty."

Obama spoke to the nation about Syria. Hopefully, Americans who were confused about the president's plan feel better now, knowing that he's confused too. Well, it was confusing, wasn't it? First, Obama laid out his reasoning for a strike against Syria and then he gave the rebuttal.

John Kerry has insisted that any military strike on Syria will be "unbelievably small." But not as small as the support for a strike on Syria.

The new secretary of the Vatican said that celibacy for priests is open to discussion. In a related story, nuns are now allowed to twerk.

McDonald's is now serving steak. Nothing says fine dining like rolling down your car window and screaming out, "medium rare!"
 

This Date In History: 1943; Chiang Kai-Shek became president of China. 1948; Republican Margaret Chase Smith of Maine was elected to the U.S. Senate, becoming the first woman to have served in both houses of Congress.

1971; The four-day revolt at the maximum security prison in Attica, New York, ended when state police and National Guardsmen stormed the facility. Forty-two people died.

1993; Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO Chairman Yasir Arafat shook hands after signing an historic peace agreement.

Picture Of The Day: The beautiful Peacock Spider.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I kidded my girlfriend about the 19 inch TV in her bedroom. She suggested we not laugh about how many inches things are. 2) Until they add extra fries and a martini, they have no business calling it a Happy Meal. 3) Sober me will always have your back. Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back. 4) My friend's dog loves him, but the dog also eats his own poop. I don't think my friend should trust the pooch's judgment. 5) I got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 13th: All of your aims are achievable, although some of them would involve bionic implants and a bit of embezzlement. On another subject, If you are cornered by raccoons in the wild, place your thumb and index finger tips together and make a bandit mask. They will accept you.

Birthdays: Walter Reed, American army surgeon 1851, Milton Hershey, chocolatier, philanthropist 1857, John J. Pershing, army officer 1860, Arnold Schoenberg, composer 1874, Sherwood Anderson, novelist 1876, J. B. Priestley, author 1894, Claudette Colbert, movie actress 1903, Bill Monroe, bluegrass musician 1911, Roald Dahl, writer 1916.

Today is just not a black cat day

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man married a good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you."

He continued, "I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks surprised and says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

She said, "Look, I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. My birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. Services are pending.

A business woman, in town for an important meeting, checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her bags. Noticing that her best suit had been badly wrinkled during her flight, she telephoned the desk and asked the hotel's valet service to pick it up for pressing.

Almost immediately after she hung up the phone, a knock sounded at the door, and there stood an elderly Chinaman, waiting. Impressed by the fast service, the career woman exclaimed, "My, you come lickety-split!" The elderly Chinaman replied, "No ma'am, come to get laundry."

Me: "You know what cures a headache?" Girfriend: "Tylenol" Me: "You know what else cures a headache?"  Girlfriend: "Advil" Me: "You know what else ......"

That's it for today, my little rascals. Remember, smart cars are a good idea until you die in a 5 mph parking lot collision. You can find me in AREA 51 around happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !