Wednesday, September 25, 2013
The Only Thing Worse Than A Cheap Suit Is A Cheap Politician
I know that this is not news for most of you, but I abhor and loathe politicians. With the numerous cable news shows, along with the major networks, there are many platforms from which stupid politicians can parrot their particular views of how things should be.
Bear in mind that news is a 24/7/365 industry and there are just so many ways you can report a story. That is, unless it benefits your cause or way of thinking. Politically left leaning or right leaning news shows often describe the same incident differently. For the most part, this occurs because of who happens to butter their bread.
Parroting phrases normally indicates to me that that the politician is a band wagon rider and not a leader. Probably the most annoying catch-phrase I've heard over the past few years was "Kick the can down the road." This thought can be made in many ways, yet, the typical politician often falls back on a sure thing rather than show his ignorance or inability to speak.
Another source of irritation for me, especially in the House of Representatives, is Gerrymandering. This is when an area is cut up to form a precinct or district that is conducive to certain sects or followers. Inevitably, the representatives from some of these areas are borderline illiterate. While unfortunate, ofttimes this is the only representation an area can get.
Sometimes, especially when someone makes a stupid statement, I find myself yelling at the TV in anger. I do, however, make a mental note to control my outbursts over things I cannot change......at least until they put me in a home.
The News As I See It: Tonight AMC will begin airing a "Breaking Bad" marathon that will show every episode of the show leading up to Sunday's series finale. It ends with Walter White dying in a hospital waiting room while filling out all the paperwork for Obamacare.
Breaking Bad won the Emmy for best drama. When they won, they thanked their agents, families and of course, the makers of Sudafed. The ratings for Breaking Bad have skyrocketed and so has the number of high school kids now taking chemistry.
Sunday is the last episode of "Breaking Bad." So from now on, if you want to see psychotic murderers attack each other on Sunday, you will have to watch the NFL.
At the U.N. this week, Obama gave a big speech on the Middle East. The leaders from the Middle East said, "You have touched our hearts, and from now on we shall have peace." Obama said, "Really?" and they said, "No, but the look on your face was priceless."
Obama also met with the president of Nigeria, who advised Obama to eliminate America's debt by sending out fraudulent emails.
Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober.
White House officials insist that Obama knew nothing about the IRS scandal. They said because there was an investigation underway it would have been inappropriate to tell him. Besides, he was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi to not know anything about this.
So, Obama didn't know about Benghazi, didn't know about the IRS scandal and didn't know about the AP scandal. Do you know what this means? They took "don't ask, don't tell" out of the Pentagon and moved it into the White House.
The NBA is considering introducing jerseys with players' nicknames rather than their last names. Players like the nickname jersey because it's easier for fans to relate to them and harder for women looking for child support to find them.
Britney Spears has signed a two-year deal to perform at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas. If you go to Vegas you don’t want to miss that show. They say seeing Britney in concert is the closest thing to seeing her sing live.
Home Depot announced that that it will cut health insurance for its part-time workers because of Obamacare. Home Depot's CEO said he had a hard time breaking the news to employees. That's because it took him three hours to find one.
This Date In History: 1775; Ethan Allen was captured by the British. 1789; The first Congress adopted 12 amendments to the Constitution and sent them to the states for ratification. The first ten became the Bill of Rights.
1890; Wilford Woodruff, president of the Mormon church, renounced the practice of polygamy. This paved the way for Utah's acceptance as a state in 1896. 1981; Sandra Day O'Connor was sworn in as the first female justice on the Supreme Court.
2003; It was reported that more than 14,000 had lost their lives in France in a summer heat wave. 2011; King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia grants women the right to vote and run for office in future elections.
Picture Of The Day: This woman is the epitome of ignorance
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I used to call my ex-wife "Hun." She thought it was short for "honey." It was short for short for "Attila." 2) My girlfriend and I are re-enacting "Titanic". We're at the part where Rose is naked on the couch. I can't draw well. I think my pencil may be out of lead. 3) The worst thing about wearing a turtleneck is not being able to get up off of your back if you fall over. 4) I think God created marriage so death wouldn't come as such a disappointment. 5) When I was little and bad, my father used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Libra - September 25th: Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're willing to look for it.
Birthdays: My Mom - Happy Birthday in Heaven! 19XX, My pal Wally - Happy Birthday! 19XX, Claude Perrault, architect, scientist and physician 1613, William Faulkner, American novelist 1897, Mark Rothko, painter 1903, Dmitri Shostakovich, composer 1906, Sir Colin Davis, conductor 1927, Barbara Walters, TV commentator 1931, Glenn Gould, pianist and composer 1932, Michael Douglas, actor 1944, Christopher Reeve, actor, director 1952, Heather Locklear, actress 1961, Catherine Zeta-Jones, actress 1969.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her U.S. government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" The husband replied, "Yep, In-laws."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Mike for his contribution to today's stories.
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely."
The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs." The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Syria either."
A young couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet to pee and neglected to notice that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going!
She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in front of her. She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried desperately to free her.
In this process, they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently visible between her splayed legs.
Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber, despite the embarrassing nature of their problem. When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.
Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber, grabbed a stuffed bunny from the bedroom and placed it over his wife's exposed privates. The plumber walked into the bathroom, took a long look and said, "Well I think I can save your wife, Buddy, but the rabbit's a goner."
That's it for today, my little lotus blossoms. Remember, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're obligated to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo. I'm going to mosey over to AREA 51 for happy hour. It's been a while since I've moseyed.
More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !