Friday, May 22, 2015
Remember Why It's Called "Memorial Day"
It's important to remember and teach your children that Memorial Day is not just a three day weekend where everyone has back yard barbecues. It is a day to remember the people who died while serving in America's armed forces.
The federal holiday, which is observed every year on the last Monday of May, was formerly known as Decoration Day and originated after the American Civil War to commemorate the Union and Confederate soldiers who died in the war. By the 20th century, Memorial Day had been extended to honor all Americans who died while in the military service.
So, please enjoy your Memorial Day activities but bear in mind that it comes to you courtesy of the valiant men and women of our armed forces who gave their lives protecting and serving America.
The News As I See It: I was surprised to hear that Hillary Clinton’s Super PAC has reportedly been struggling to raise money. It’s gotten so bad, they may have to start reaching out to Americans instead of foreign countries.
The government released hundreds of documents seized from Osama bin Laden's compound. Among the items is a job application for al-Qaida. It's like a regular job application except it asks questions like, "Where do you see yourself exploding in the next five years?"
Former "Baywatch" star Pamela Anderson posed naked in the shower for a campaign aimed at saving water in drought-stricken California. And as a bonus, it also reminded people to recycle plastic.
We are now 11 weeks away from the first Republican presidential debate. The debate will be held in a 300-seat theater, so there’ll be almost enough seats for all the candidates.
According to a new poll, one third of Americans believe animals deserve the same rights as people. The other two thirds have cats.
This Date In History: 1455; The first battle in the 30-year War of Roses took place at St. Albans. 1761; The first life insurance policy in the United States was issued in Philadelphia. 1849; Abraham Lincoln received patent number 6469 for his floating dry dock.
1927; An earthquake near Xining, China, measuring 8.3 claimed approximately 200,000 victims. 1947; Harry S. Truman's Doctrine brought aid to Greece and Turkey to combat the spread of Communism. 1972; Ceylon became Sri Lanka.
1972; Richard Nixon arrived in Moscow, becoming the first U.S. president to visit the Soviet Union. 1990; North Yemen and South Yemen merged to form the Republic of Yemen. 1992; Johnny Carson hosted the last episode of his Tonight Show.
2003; The UN Security Council approved a resolution lifting the economic sanctions against Iraq and supporting the U.S.-led administration in Iraq.
2011; At least 140 people are killed and hundreds more injured as a three-quarter-mile-wide tornado hits Joplin, Missouri. The tornado is among the deadliest in the nation's history, destroying nearly a third of the city and damaging about 2,000 buildings, including water treatment and sewage plants.
Picture Of The Day: This is the reality of War. Men and women die serving America.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Brother Kirt had a lot of emotional problems as a child. I remember he used to think he was a chicken. We never said anything about it because we needed the eggs. 2) It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the fourth or the fifth. 3) Instead of neutering my dog, I just make him wear Crocs.
4) I have a doctor friend who worked for 40 years trying to find the cure for Alzheimer's Disease. In the end, he found the cure, but then he forgot it. 5) My friend got some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said, "remove cap and push up bottom." He says he can barely walk, but whenever he passes gas, the room smells freakin' awesome.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Gemini - May 22nd: Today, you will learn that the average male has had 15 sex partners, the average female has had 7 and the average penguin has had one. You will also learn that you're a penguin. The urban term "chillax" is a combination of the slang "chill" and the more traditional word "laxative."
Birthdays: Richard Wagner, composer 1813, Mary Cassatt, painter Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, British author and creator of Sherlock Holmes 1859, Sir Laurence Olivier, actor 1907, Betty Williams, peace activist 1943.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A woman was picking up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane 12 - Tampax supersize!"
Somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks."
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom asking, "Do you want the kind that you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house and walked home. His truck was there all night. You gotta love George.....
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my friend Mike for his contribution to today's stories.
A black guy and Murphy go into a pastry shop. The black guy whisks two cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't even notice. The black guy says to Murphy, "You see how clever we are? You Paddies can never beat that!"
Murphy says to the black guy, "Watch this, any Paddy is smarter than you and I'll prove it to you.
Paddy says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I'll show you a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie, which he promptly eats. Then he says to the baker, "Give another cookie for me magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him. Paddy eats this one too.
The baker is getting angry now. He yells, "Okay, where is your famous magic trick?!" Murphy says, "Look in the black guy's pocket!"
A man took his wife to the doctor and was sitting in the waiting room when the doctor came out to see him. He said, "Mr. Goldblatz, I have good news. Your wife is in good health and the only think she needs for her to be better is to have sex on Wednesdays and Saturdays."
Mr. Goldblatz said, "Ok, Doc, if you think that will help. I can bring her here on Wednesdays but Saturdays I go fishing, so she'll have to take the bus."
That's it for today, my little petunias. Remember, there's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some Johnnie Walker Black scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour and some flavored water.
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Have a great Memorial Day weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !