Friday, May 1, 2015

Looking Forward To A Great Sports Weekend

This weekend will have live coverage of the Kentucky Derby and the NASCAR Infinity Series at Talladega Super Speedway, Saturday night is the pay-per-view broadcast of the Mayweather- Pacquiao fight in Las Vegas and Sunday's finale is the Talladega 500 Sprint Cup Series.

It is a welcome break from non-stop media coverage of crime and lawlessness across the nation stemming from the death of a drug dealer at the hands of police.

While I condemn acts of police brutality, I also condemn the ignorant thugs who use someone's death as an excuse to destroy property and loot businesses.

I question the inrelligence of those who commit these acts of violence as they destroy their own neighborhoods and the few businesses who had the courage to establish themselves there. These acts only further widen the racial gap.

The News As I See It: The Baltimore riots caused the Baltimore Orioles and the Chicago White Sox to play a game in a completely empty stadium. It was the first major sporting event to be played in an empty stadium, unless you count every professional soccer game in America.

The NFL draft is under way. It will be simulcast on ESPN and Court TV.

Bruce Jenner will reportedly make a return to motivational speaking. And it's going to be a little tougher, because now he's only going to make 77 cents on the dollar.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six democrats under 30 who actually vote.

Ford has recalled almost 600,000 vehicles for steering problems. Owners are being told to bring their cars in as close to the dealership as they can get it.

The city of Chicago is building a new high school named after Obama. The school will be very first. Their student government won't be very good, but the golf team is expected to be amazing.

The undefeated Dortmund (Big Brown) heads the field in Saturday's run for the roses in the Kentucky Derby.

This Date In History: 1707; The Act of Union joined England and Scotland to form Great Britain. 1931; The Empire State Building opened in New York City. At 102 stories, it would be the world's tallest building for the next 41 years. Click to see the current tallest.

1941; Orson Welles's Citizen Kane, considered by many the greatest film ever made, premiered in New York. 1948; The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) was established with Kim Il Sung as president.

1960; The Soviet Union shot down an American U-2 reconnaissance plane over Soviet territory. 1967; Elvis Presley married Priscilla Beaulieu. (They divorced in 1973.)

1991; 44-year-old Texas fireballer Nolan Ryan hurled his seventh and final no-hitter in a 3-0 victory over the Toronto Blue Jays. That same day, Oakland's Rickey Henderson broke Lou Brock’s stolen base record.

2003; President Bush made a speech aboard an aircraft carrier proclaiming "major combat operations in Iraq have ended." 2009; For the first time in 341 years, a woman is appointed as poet laureate of the United Kingdom. Carol Ann Duffy, 53, will take over the post from current poet laureate Andrew Motion.

Picture Of The Day: Which way is Baltimore? I heard they have varmint problems.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Women seem to be unaware that it's perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get into their car. 2) I find it strange how, after they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together, the King's men thought, "Let's give the horses a shot at it." 3) My girlfriend said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her change her religion and gave her smallpox. 4) Then, the spiral staircase said, "Oh, look! Jimmy's drinking Grey Goose vodka on the rocks. Let's kill him!"  5) My girlfriend just opened a bottle of wine so my chances of getting laid tonight just went from 0 to 750ml.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeTaurus - May 1st: The morning hours will be just so-so today and tomorrow your gas tank will go from zero to $50 in under a minute. A liter of Johnnie Walker Black scotch will take you blissfully into the weekend and a rousing Saturday night. Sunday morning, you will probably wake up underneath your neighbor's swing-set.

Birthdays: Joseph Addison, writer 1672, Mary Harris Jones, labor agitator 1830, Calamity Jane, frontier character 1852, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, philosopher 1881, Joseph Heller, writer 1923, Wes Anderson, filmmaker 1969.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joseph said, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out."

Joseph continued, "Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no f*cking bike."

A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning. The clerk says. "Congratulations!"

Looking at the cowboy, the clerk asks, "Would you like the bridal then?" The cowboy replies, "Naw, thanks. I reckon I'll just hold her by the ears 'til she gets the hang of it."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

Three ladies are playing the fourth hole at a members-only golf club when a naked man with a bag over his head jumps out from behind the trees and runs across the green. The three ladies are in total shock at the size of his manhood!

The first lady says, "Well, he definitely isn't my husband." The second lady looks at his manhood and says, "He sure isn't my husband." The third lady takes a good look and says, "He's not even a member of this club!"

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

That's it for today, my little rug rats. Remember, when someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. That should tell you everything you need to know about marriage. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

There were especially two lines that hit me:
77 cents and hour and drive the car as close to the dealership as you can get it. (Made me smile)

Had my son been looking over myt shoulder and read the head lines about a sports weekend, he would have said, "Ask Jimmy what her name is?"
But he's not here for me to hear him say that, he headed back to Florida...
Have a great weekend, I enjoyed the read.