I follow the news virtually all day long, mostly following FOX News and CNN. For the most part, they do a good job, each giving their own political slant and spin. I realize and understand that there's only so much news to report. Since their news programs runs in increments of 30 minutes, there's bound to be repetition. Thus, "Breaking News" only breaks once for me and then it's "Repeated Breaking News".
Some stories, however, continue to break for two and three days in a row and at some point in time it should be reported as "Breaking News For The Hard Of Understanding" or "We've Got Nothing Else So We're Just Gonna Beat This Story To Death".
Then, in almost every city, we have the hometown sensationalist channel, whose motto seems to be "Everything We Report, Whether Shitty Or Not, Is Breaking News" There's always a reporter on the weather scene, usually standing in knee deep water when, if he were to walk a mere 15 feet to his left or right, he'd be on dry ground.
Of course, there's the poor reporter, usually young, who's sent to the scene of an accident or crime seven hours after the fact, so that he can report "from the scene" at 5:00 in the morning with nothing but darkness as his backdrop.
One of the most frustrating "Breaking News" routines comes with the dreaded words, "We interrupt your regular programing........." Usually it's some insipid, inane speech from Obama about something which is usually untrue, or slanted and spun, to prop up his lame record and broken 2008 campaign promises.
I miss the old days when news about President Bush interrupted my favorite program. It still pissed me off when my program was interrupted, but I could always count on Bush to entertain me by butchering the English language, usually throwing in a few "Newk-kew-lar" references for entertainment.
Maybe this weekend, we'll get lucky and be able to watch our favorite television programs without any "breaking news."
The News As I See It: Down in Louisiana, Republican Governor Bobby Jindal said he's just going to refuse to implement Obamacare, "That's it, screw it. I'm just not doing it." So if you need an operation in Louisiana, you're going to have to pay for it the old-fashioned way.....stand on a balcony, flash your tits, and hope someone throws you money.
Obama has revealed his new re-election slogan....."Forward." That's a good message for Obama. He's telling voters, "Whatever you do, don't look back at all those campaign promises I made."
Many Republicans want New Jersey Governor Chris Christie as Mitt's second in command. I'm not too sure about that but, then again, It's hard to look at Christie and not think.......number two.
Conservatives are criticizing Obama because in Indonesia, he sometimes ate dog meat. On the plus side, Obama is now polling very well among cats.
Mitt Romney also unveiled his new election slogan, "My money might be offshore, but my heart's right here in America."
This Date In History: 1535;
Sir Thomas More was beheaded after refusing to join Henry VIII's Church of England.
1885;
Louis Pasteur successfully treated a patient with a rabies vaccine.
1942;
Anne Frank and her family sought refuge from the Nazis in Amsterdam.
1944;
A fire caused by inept fire-eaters in the main tent of the Ringling Brothers Circus in Hartford, Conn., killed over 160 people.
1957;
Althea Gibson won the Wimbledon women's singles tennis title. She was the first black person to win the event.
1997;
The Mars rover Sojourner rolled onto the Martian surface.
1998;
Roy Rogers, the King of the Cowboys, died.
Picture Of The Day: That's just the tip of the iceberg.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about? 2) They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. It may be true. The night before that last earthquake hit in California, my cousin's dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
3) George Washington’s brother was the Uncle of Our Country.
4) Political correctness is a useless theorem that allows the few to endanger the many. It is only applicable when being polite to ugly babies, men and women. 5) She said that she had been married three times. I could tell it was more than that by the rice marks on her face.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Cancer - July 6th: It's Friday and time to return to the party you left behind on Wednesday. Of course, if your still at the party, you might want to think about going home for a shower.
Birthdays: My pals Bobby and Richard - Happy Birthday guys 19XX, John Paul Jones, American naval hero 1747, Frida Kahlo,
painter 1907,
George Walker Bush,
43rd American president 1946,
Sylvester Stallone,
actor(?) 1946,
Valerie Brisco-Hooks,
track and field 1960.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" Mabel pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Now I know where to find my hearing aid."
A farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what’s that under your arm?" The old farmer said, "That’s my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes." The ticket agent said, "We don’t allow animals in the theater."
The irritated old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
Mildred whispered, "Marge, I think this guy next to me is a pervert." Marge replied, "What makes you think that?" Mildred whispered, "He unzipped his pants and is exposing himself."
Marge said, "Well, don’t worry about it, At our age we’ve seen them all." Mildred said, "Yeah, but this one is eating my popcorn."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really pissed. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds and it better be there".
The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral services for Eddie have been scheduled for Friday.
A blonde was tired of hearing all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. She asked, "Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd looked puzzled but agreed.
Out of the blue, she blurts out “57!” He was stunned but kept his word and allowed her to pick out a sheep. She picked out the cutest one. He looked at her and said, “If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"
Once upon a time a man asked a woman to marry him. She said, "No!", and the man drank beer and caroused with women and stayed out late and used the guest towels and farted at will and didn't put the toilet seat down and lived happily ever after.
That's it for today, my little beanie babies. Remember, the problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour. Have a great weekend and more on Friday.
Stay Tuned !
Breaking News? Words you hear daily in the news. Evidently, "breaking news" can continue to be "breaking" for hours, even days. Yeah, it was breaking news about two days ago but now It should be classified as "Broken News But We Aren't Bright Enough To Find Anything Better."The word "great" is to sports what "Breaking News" is to news organizations these days. There's a difference between "great" and "good". There are truly great or remarkable accomplishments and there are good accomplishments. One of the few times I've heard "breaking news" and "great" used correctly in the news was when Tiger Woods texted his mistress with, "Have you heard the breaking news? Great.....that's just great!"Speaking of great, An elderly couple were discussing plans to get married and wanted to iron out any potential problems with their particular properties. The woman said, "I want to keep my condominium in my name" The man said, "That's fine with me." The woman said, "I also want to keep my Cadillac in my name only." The man said, "that's fine with me."Then, the lady said, "I want to have sex six days a week." The man said, "That's great - put me down for Fridays." 
The News As I See It: About 210,000 gallons of oil per day are leaking into the gulf. That’s equivalent to 10 buckets of fried chicken. The oil companies are promising to clean this whole mess up and, if you’ve ever been to a gas station restroom, you know how good they are at cleaning up. There are fears that the oil spill in the gulf will merge with a massive slick of self-tanner from the cast of "Jersey Shore" in Miami.Arizona has passed the strictest immigration bill in American history. A hundred people have been stopped already — and that was just in one van. There are over 12 million illegal immigrants in this country, but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.Colombian singer Shakira was in Phoenix to join the fight against Arizona’s tough new immigration law. If every illegal immigrant looked like Shakira, there would be no immigration laws except the ones that would keep immigrants in the country. 
This Date In History: 1803; France sold Louisiana and adjoining lands to the United States as part of the Louisiana Purchase. 1812; Louisiana became the 18th state in the United States. 1939; U.S. commercial television made its official debut at the New York World’s Fair. The signal was transmitted from the Empire State Building.1945; Adolf Hitler and his newly married mistress Eva Braun committed suicide. 1948; The Organization of American States held its first meeting in Bogotá, Colombia. 1975; The Vietnam War ended with South Vietnam's surrender to North Vietnam.1991; Over 131,000 were killed and as many as 9 million left homeless when a cyclone struck Bangladesh. 2003; Libya accepted responsibility for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland. 
Picture Of The Day: I'd liked the featured picture the moment I saw it. I don't know if it's because I started fishing very early in life or just the depth of the picture, but I like it.Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. 2) Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the f*ck happened. 3) Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway. 4) Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. 5) Be an optimist--at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral.....and that's five !Birthdays: Saint John Baptist de la Salle, educator 1651, John Crowe Ransom, poet and critic 1888 Eve Arden, actress 1912, Cloris Leachman, actress 1926, Willie Nelson, country singer, songwriter 1933, Isiah Thomas, basketball player 1961. 
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: After an examination, the doctor said to the old man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?" The old man replied, "In fact, I do. After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly. Then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."When the doctor examined the old man's wife a short time later he said, "Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.The doctor then said to her, "Your husband mentioned an unusual problem. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea about why?" The old woman said, "That crazy old bastard. That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is some time in August."An old man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample. The old man was slightly deaf and said, ''What?'' Again, the doctor said, ''I need a blood, urine and feces sample." The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear, ''Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!'' 
The Hits Just Keep On Coming (( anchovies or jalapenos added to jokes upon request; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed )): My thanks to Brother Kirt for his contribution to today's stories.A man went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, his wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.The husband picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife said, ''What are we going to do?'' The husband said, ''Nothing, the lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.''Little Johnny was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for awhile when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is it called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."Little Johnny just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called bunk beds and Tommy's mom wants to talk to you right now." 
Little Mary asked her mother, "How did the humans come about?" Her mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve, then they had children and, so all mankind was made." A few days later, the little Mary asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?" Her mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."That's it for today my little Gypsies. Remember, a friend hears the song in your heart and sings it to you when your memory fails. I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour and little recreation. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.Stay Tuned !
