D-Day - The Invasion Of Normandy

On this date in 1944, the Normandy landings, codenamed Operation Neptune, the Allied invasion of Normandy in Operation Overlord, commenced during World War II. The landings were conducted in two phases: an airborne assault landing of 24,000 British, American, Canadian and Free French airborne troops shortly after midnight and an amphibious landing of Allied infantry and armored divisions on the coast of France starting at 6:30 am.

There were also decoy operations under the codenames Operation Glimmer and Operation Taxable to distract the German forces from the real landing areas. Supreme Commander of the Allied Expeditionary Forces was General Dwight Eisenhower while overall command of ground forces (21st Army Group) was given to General Bernard Montgomery.

The operation, planned by a team under Lieutenant-General Frederick Morgan, was the largest amphibious invasion in world history and was executed by land, sea, and air elements under direct British command with over 160,000 troops landing on 6 June 1944, 73,000 American troops, 61,715 British and 21,400 Canadian. 195,700 Allied naval and merchant navy personnel in over 5,000 ships were involved.

The invasion required the transport of soldiers and material from the United Kingdom by troop-laden aircraft and ships, the assault landings, air support, naval interdiction of the English Channel and naval fire-support. The landings took place along a 50-mile stretch of the Normandy coast divided into five sectors: Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno, and Sword.

Although the actual figures are still uncertain it is estimated that more than 9000 Allied soldiers were killed or wounded on June 6th alone. Take a minute today to give thanks and remember the men and women of the allied forces that gallantly fought in this tremedous battle.

The News As I See It: According to People magazine, Rielle Hunter, the mother of John Edwards' love child, is releasing a new tell-all book this month. It's a memoir about their relationship. She didn't write it herself, she used a ghost skank.

Congratulations to our new national spelling bee champion. Her name is Snigdha Nandipati. Over the weekend the 14-year-old from San Diego won the award after she correctly spelled her own name.

Unemployment has risen to 8.2 percent and is looking pretty bad. In fact, Obama has a new slogan on jobs creation, "Hope and Change the Subject."

According to a new book coming out by a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Obama apparently smoked large amounts of marijuana in high school. Now, the unemployment numbers are getting as high as Obama was back in his school days.

Hugh Hefner is back together with his fiancée, Crystal Harris, one year after she called off their wedding. It’s like they say: "If you love something, let it go and if it comes back to you, it probably ran out of money and remembered you were a billionaire."

Last weekend seven monkeys were stolen from a zoo in Poland, so I guess they're beginning to shoot season 6 of "Jersey Shore."

Last Friday, Obama spent the night at his home in Chicago for the first time in over a year. He even went down to the basement and dusted off some old campaign promises. It got a bit awkward when he left and his housekeeper said, "See you after the election."

According to DC comics, the Green Lantern is gay. It's funny that the Green Lantern is gay and yet Spider-Man has the Broadway musical. Talk about irony!

This Date In History: 1844; The Young Men's Christian Association (YMCA) was founded in London. 1933; The first drive-in movie theater opened in Camden, New Jersey. 1934; The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) was established to protect investors and maintain the integrity of the securities markets.

1944; Thousands of Allied troops invaded the beaches of Normandy, France, on D-Day. 1982; Israel invaded Lebanon to drive out the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO). 2001; Vermont Republican Senator James Jeffords left the party to become an independent, handing control of the Senate back to the Democrats.

2002; President Bush proposed a new Cabinet department: The Department of Homeland Security.

Picture Of The Day: Many soldiers are buried in France, a continuing reminder of the horrors of war.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Be safety conscious. Eighty percent of all people were caused by accidents. 2) My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight?" I said, "At the first sight of what?" 3) Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend. 4) The British have different ways of saying things. They say "lift", we say "elevator". They say, "president", we say "asshole".... 5) Some men are like wine. They start out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 6th: Whoo Hoo! It's hump day and a great reason to head over to your particular AREA 51 for a drink or two. If you do go out, let a smile be your umbrella, but keep in mind that if you do, your ass will probably get soaking wet. Chance of romance 64.56 percent dropping to 48.09 percent after your fourth beer. 

Birthdays: My friends Marty and Ralfy - Happy Birthday guys! 19XX, Diego Velázquez, painter 1599, Pierre Corneille, dramatist 1606, Nathan Hale, officer 1755, John Trumbull, painter 1756, Aleksandr Pushkin, poet, dramatist 1799, Alexandra Feodorovna, Czarina 1872, Sukarno, statesman 1901, Björn Borg, professional tennis player 1956.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man with tickets to the Super Bowl finds his seat and relaxes. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. He says, "No, the seat is empty." The stranger says, "That's incredible. Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Suoer Bowl and not use it?"

The man says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Supr Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1980."

The stranger replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. Couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

An old Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family." No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde, with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. Jack noticed that the guy was moaning and shaking. Jack asked. "What's wrong?" The guy answered,  "I've been transferred to New Orleans, Louisiana. There's crazy people in New Orleans. They have shootings, rapes, robberies, gangs, race riots, drugs . . . . the highest crime rate."

Jack said, "Hold on, I've lived there all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's ok, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?" Jack replied, "Me? I'm the tail gunner on a Bud Lite truck."

A 19 year old lad has been dating a 17 year old girl for a few months. They went to the movies and return to her home where her father, a widower, is waiting for them. After greeting the worried father, they settle down on the sofa in the living room, while the old man goes to watch TV in the family room.

The girl is a good example and looks after her Dad. She, in turn, is the apple of his eye. Naturally, he's worried about her well being and eventually just has to break off from watching TV go into the living room door and check up on her. He says to his daughter, "Could you make me a cup of coffee my love?" The girls says, "Of course I can, Dad", and trots off into the kitchen to put the coffee on.

Meanwhile, the old man sits down on the sofa with the lad to have a word. He says, "Look, son, I remember when I was your age and trying my luck. The thing is, I'm worried about our Susie." The lad says, "Why, what's wrong with her?" The father fibs a bit and says, "Well, I shouldn't really tell you, but she's got acute angina." The boy replies, "Oh, I know and a great pair of tits, too!"

That's it for today, my little puppies. Remember, if you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a steep, winding, two-lane mountain road. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

June 6th, 1944 - Allied Forces Land At Normandy

On June 6th, 1944, American, Brtitish and Canadian forces stormed the shores of Normandy, France. Over 160,000 soldiers landed in the operation known as D-Day, marking the beginning of the end of World War II and Germany. It was the largest amphibious invasion in world history. The Allied casualties figures for D-Day were estimated at 10,000, including 2500 dead.

As we begin our day this June 6th, 2011, let us remember all the men and women of the D-Day armed forces who stood up for freedom and those who were wounded or gave their lives for America.

Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) finally admitted that he lied about texting a lewd picture of himself in his underwear to a 21 year-old coed. Furthermore, he admitted to having "online relationships" with six different women over the past three years. Watching the antics of Mr. Weiner over the years, his admission of guilt was no surprise to me.

Under normal circumstances, I'm not prone to kick a man while he's down. In Mr. Weiner's case, I make exception. His years of arrogant, rude antics and constant interruptions during televised political interviews make him the exception to the rule. He has made his bed and now he will lie in it (no pun intended). I'm sure that his new wife of less than one year is thrilled with his sick escapades.

The News As I See It: Mitt Romney wanted to get the maximum exposure for his (presidential) announcement so he made it in Anthony Weiner's underwear.

Despite the news this week that our cell phones are giving us cancer, users are not giving up. They're like, okay, my cell phone could give me cancer, but actually interacting with people in person is what leads to Chlamydia.

Congress has rejected raising the debt ceiling, so if China calls, let it go to voicemail.

This Date In History: 1844; The Young Men's Christian Association (YMCA) was founded in London. 1933; The first drive-in movie theater opened in Camden, New Jersey. 1934; The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) was established to protect investors and maintain the integrity of the securities markets.

1944; Thousands of Allied troops invaded the beaches of Normandy, France, on D-Day. 1982; Israel invaded Lebanon to drive out the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO).

2001; Vermont Republican Senator James Jeffords left the party to become an independent, handing control of the Senate back to the Democrats. 2002; President Bush proposed a new Cabinet department: The Department of Homeland Security.

Picture Of The Day: Remembering the soldiers of June 6th, 1944, who bravely landed on the shores of Normandy on D-Day. As a sidenote, I waited for days for the photoshop gang to come up with a good picture of Anthony Weiner's sideshow, but his admittance to guilt kinda screwed up my timing. Aah, what the hell, I'm running it anyway!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself. 2) Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso. 3) If you are not committing any sins, chances are you're probably not having much fun. 4) If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 5) I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you".....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Gemini - June 6th: Inhospitable service station toilets may turn out to be your best friend today. Your footsteps will seem louder today as you break in new shoes. Every reason you have for doing what you did while in the service station restroom is sound and legal . Be grateful that you have a good network of friends and family. Time and time again you are asked to wait outside the room while the "adults" discuss your situation. Buy a dozen roses just in case.

Birthdays: Diego Velázquez, painter 1599, Pierre Corneille, dramatist 1606, Nathan Hale, officer 1755, John Trumbull, painter 1756, Aleksandr Pushkin, poet, dramatist 1799, Alexandra Feodorovna, Czarina 1872, Sukarno, statesman 1901, Björn Borg, tennis player 1956.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A guy is sitting alone in a bar nursing his drink. The bartender is at the other end of the bar cleaning a glass. The guy suddenly hears a little whisper of a voice that says, "Nice hat. He looks around but he’s the only one nearby. He thinks nothing of it and keeps drinking. A few minutes later he hears this same voice, "Nice shirt."

Now he’s getting a little paranoid because there’s still no one else in the bar. He calls the bartender over and orders another drink. Several minutes later he hears the voice, "Nice tie." He just about loses it. He calls the bartender over and says, "Man, am I going crazy? I keep hearing voices!" The bartender asks, "What are they saying? The man says, "Nice hat, nice shirt, nice tie." The bartender says, "Ah, it’s the peanuts, they’re complimentary."

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks, "Do you do custom work?" The artist replies, " Yes Ma'am." The woman says, "Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh." The artist says, ?No problem. Strip from the waist down and get up on the table."

After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up, examines the tattoos and complains, "That doesn't look like them!" The artist says indignantly, Yes it does and I can prove it."

With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find who happens to be the town drunk. 'The woman spreads her legs and Asks, "Do you know who these men are?" The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says, "I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Pat in the U.K. for her contribution to today's stories.

Two ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the Los angels airport. The first lady was a California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz. Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart." The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet. Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" The Southern lady said, "My husband sent me to charm school." The first woman cried, "Charm school? Oh, my God! What on earth for?" The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying 'Who gives a shit?', I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart."

President Obama was being entertained by an African leader. They’d spent the day discussing what the African leader had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. He said, "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."

President Obama frowned saying, "Russian roulette’s not a friendly game.
The African leader smiled. "That’s why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you’ll have to play. I’ll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. The African leader said, "You can choose any one of these women to give you oral sex. This gained Obma’s immediate attention and he was ready to make his choice when a thought occurred to him. Obama asked, "How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?" The African leader said "One of them is a cannibal."

That's it for today my apple tarts. Remember, when you think you have someone eating out of your hand, count your fingers. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !