June 6th, 1944 - Allied Forces Land At Normandy

On June 6th, 1944, American, Brtitish and Canadian forces stormed the shores of Normandy, France. Over 160,000 soldiers landed in the operation known as D-Day, marking the beginning of the end of World War II and Germany. It was the largest amphibious invasion in world history. The Allied casualties figures for D-Day were estimated at 10,000, including 2500 dead.

As we begin our day this June 6th, 2011, let us remember all the men and women of the D-Day armed forces who stood up for freedom and those who were wounded or gave their lives for America.

Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) finally admitted that he lied about texting a lewd picture of himself in his underwear to a 21 year-old coed. Furthermore, he admitted to having "online relationships" with six different women over the past three years. Watching the antics of Mr. Weiner over the years, his admission of guilt was no surprise to me.

Under normal circumstances, I'm not prone to kick a man while he's down. In Mr. Weiner's case, I make exception. His years of arrogant, rude antics and constant interruptions during televised political interviews make him the exception to the rule. He has made his bed and now he will lie in it (no pun intended). I'm sure that his new wife of less than one year is thrilled with his sick escapades.

The News As I See It: Mitt Romney wanted to get the maximum exposure for his (presidential) announcement so he made it in Anthony Weiner's underwear.

Despite the news this week that our cell phones are giving us cancer, users are not giving up. They're like, okay, my cell phone could give me cancer, but actually interacting with people in person is what leads to Chlamydia.

Congress has rejected raising the debt ceiling, so if China calls, let it go to voicemail.

This Date In History: 1844; The Young Men's Christian Association (YMCA) was founded in London. 1933; The first drive-in movie theater opened in Camden, New Jersey. 1934; The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) was established to protect investors and maintain the integrity of the securities markets.

1944; Thousands of Allied troops invaded the beaches of Normandy, France, on D-Day. 1982; Israel invaded Lebanon to drive out the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO).

2001; Vermont Republican Senator James Jeffords left the party to become an independent, handing control of the Senate back to the Democrats. 2002; President Bush proposed a new Cabinet department: The Department of Homeland Security.

Picture Of The Day: Remembering the soldiers of June 6th, 1944, who bravely landed on the shores of Normandy on D-Day. As a sidenote, I waited for days for the photoshop gang to come up with a good picture of Anthony Weiner's sideshow, but his admittance to guilt kinda screwed up my timing. Aah, what the hell, I'm running it anyway!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself. 2) Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso. 3) If you are not committing any sins, chances are you're probably not having much fun. 4) If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 5) I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you".....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Gemini - June 6th: Inhospitable service station toilets may turn out to be your best friend today. Your footsteps will seem louder today as you break in new shoes. Every reason you have for doing what you did while in the service station restroom is sound and legal . Be grateful that you have a good network of friends and family. Time and time again you are asked to wait outside the room while the "adults" discuss your situation. Buy a dozen roses just in case.

Birthdays: Diego Velázquez, painter 1599, Pierre Corneille, dramatist 1606, Nathan Hale, officer 1755, John Trumbull, painter 1756, Aleksandr Pushkin, poet, dramatist 1799, Alexandra Feodorovna, Czarina 1872, Sukarno, statesman 1901, Björn Borg, tennis player 1956.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A guy is sitting alone in a bar nursing his drink. The bartender is at the other end of the bar cleaning a glass. The guy suddenly hears a little whisper of a voice that says, "Nice hat. He looks around but he’s the only one nearby. He thinks nothing of it and keeps drinking. A few minutes later he hears this same voice, "Nice shirt."

Now he’s getting a little paranoid because there’s still no one else in the bar. He calls the bartender over and orders another drink. Several minutes later he hears the voice, "Nice tie." He just about loses it. He calls the bartender over and says, "Man, am I going crazy? I keep hearing voices!" The bartender asks, "What are they saying? The man says, "Nice hat, nice shirt, nice tie." The bartender says, "Ah, it’s the peanuts, they’re complimentary."

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks, "Do you do custom work?" The artist replies, " Yes Ma'am." The woman says, "Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh." The artist says, ?No problem. Strip from the waist down and get up on the table."

After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up, examines the tattoos and complains, "That doesn't look like them!" The artist says indignantly, Yes it does and I can prove it."

With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find who happens to be the town drunk. 'The woman spreads her legs and Asks, "Do you know who these men are?" The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says, "I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Pat in the U.K. for her contribution to today's stories.

Two ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the Los angels airport. The first lady was a California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz. Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart." The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet. Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" The Southern lady said, "My husband sent me to charm school." The first woman cried, "Charm school? Oh, my God! What on earth for?" The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying 'Who gives a shit?', I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart."

President Obama was being entertained by an African leader. They’d spent the day discussing what the African leader had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. He said, "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."

President Obama frowned saying, "Russian roulette’s not a friendly game.
The African leader smiled. "That’s why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you’ll have to play. I’ll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. The African leader said, "You can choose any one of these women to give you oral sex. This gained Obma’s immediate attention and he was ready to make his choice when a thought occurred to him. Obama asked, "How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?" The African leader said "One of them is a cannibal."

That's it for today my apple tarts. Remember, when you think you have someone eating out of your hand, count your fingers. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

Weinergate

It seems that arrogant, loudmouth Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) may be in deep trouble for allegedly sending a lewd picture of himself to 21 year-old coed Gennette Cordova of Seattle, Washington. For those of you who have seen this rude asshole in television interviews, you know it couldn't have happened to a more deserving guy.

The online drama began Friday when a lewd photo appeared in Weiner's Twitter stream addressed to Cordova but visible to all 40,000 of his Twitter followers. The photo was a crotch shot of a man in form-fitting briefs that left little to the imagination. The tweet was noticed by some of his followers and the link was forwarded.

Weiner has been on the defensive ever since. He states his account was hacked. Cordova denies any relationship with the congressman. So, why is this incident turning in to a scandal?

Among the original 91 people the congressman followed, many were young women, including Cordova. The picture link was sent to Cordova, who lives in the Seattle area and just before the picture link was sent, the congressman tweeted a comment that referred to Seattle. A timeline prepared by one blogger illustrates the Twitter behavior as was visible publicly. The congressman's current Twitter stream clearly shows he was using Twitter just before the picture link was sent and right after.

CNN’s Dana Bash tracked Weiner down for an improvised Q&A and seemed to be the central reporter at Weiner's press briefing on Capitol Hill. If you haven’t seen this train wreck of a media event, please check it out, because the defensive and irritable Weiner (call your doctor if condition persists) only added fuel to the fire with his petulant behavior, rather than fulfilling his wish that this "distraction" would just go away.

In an MSNBC interview today, Weiner said that he did not send the photo. When asked whether the photo was of him, he said he could not confirm or deny with certainty. Furthermore, he has not yet asked the Capitol Police or the FBI to investigate the alleged hacking, a federal offense. Hmmm....

Weiner, who is Jewish, is married to Huma Abedin, a Muslim. Oy Vey! Build a wall fast, Weinermouth. To paraphrase Ricky Ricardo, "Wienie, you got a lot of 'splaining to do!"

The News As I See It: Donald Trump had dinner with Sarah Palin had dinner in New York. The first thing Palin did when she walked into the restaurant was shoot the rodent off his head.

The Supreme Court has upheld Arizona's law which penalizes employers for hiring workers who are in the country illegally. In a related story, in Phoenix, a head of lettuce now costs 137 dollars.

Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with his maid. She kept the child secret for 14 years. John Edwards is going, "Why can't I meet a chick like that?"

President Obozo visited a bar in Ireland last week and drank Guinness. I know it's not great for kids to see the president drinking alcohol, but in his defense, beer goes great with a cigarette.

Sarah Palin may run for President. Doesn’t that thought make you nostalgic for last week when you only thought the world was going to end? Palin has begun a nationwide bus tour, which is a good way for her to learn the names of all the states.

This Date In History: 1792; Kentucky became the 15th state in the United States. 1796; Tennessee became the 16th state in the United States. 1938; The first issue of Action Comics, featuring Superman, was published. 1958; General Charles De Gaulle became the premier of France.

1968; Helen Keller, blind and deaf author-lecturer, died. 1980; Cable News Network (CNN) debuted. 2001; Crown Prince Dipendra of Nepal wiped out most of the royal family before shooting himself.

Picture Of The Day: The pics in order: Top - Weiner is interviewed. Second: Gennette Cordova. Third: Mr. and Mrs. Weiner. Fourth: Budweiser.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) A democrat is just a republican that hasn't been mugged yet. 2) There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot". 3) I saw a big breasted woman wearing a sexy tee shirt with the word "Guess" on it, so I said, "Implants?" 4) A man that stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him is still wrong. 5) Teach a child to be polite and courteous and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto the expressway.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Gemini - June 1st: Just as small peppers are supposed to be the hottest, there may be a small person who's ready to heat up your life. Watch out for the seeds though - they can cause problems. A singles bar may be a surprising place for love to strike today. Of course, you'll leave without getting each others phone numbers or having any chance of meeting again because they just arrived on a cruise ship and don't live anywhere near. Love is like that sometimes.

Birthdays: Jacques Marquette, French missionary and explorer in North America, a Jesuit priest 1637, Brigham Young, religious leader 1801, Francis Edgar Stanley, inventor, manufacturer 1849, William Sloane Coffin, Jr., social activist 1924, Marilyn Monroe, actress 1926, Morgan Freeman, actor 1937.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself. He says, "May I buy you a cocktail?" Maxine replies, "No, thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs." The man says, "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?" Maxine says, "No, they spread."

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I can fart the star spangled banner in any key you want....for a drink." The bartender says, "You can fart the national anthem in any key? Hell, I will give you three drinks for that!" The drunk says, "Ok, what key?" The bartender says, "Do it in A flat."

The drunk makes two people move from their stools and gets up on the bar, drops his pants around his ankles and bends over. He gets red faced and then shits all over the bar. The bartender is pissed! He says, "What the hell are you doing?" The drunk says, "Hey, gimme a break, even Frank Sinatra had to clear his throat before he performed!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words "complete" and "finished" in a way that's so easy to understand. Some people say there is no difference between complete and finished, but there is. When you marry the right one, you are complete. When you marry the wrong one, you are finished. When the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are completely finished!

Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running, reaches the edge and into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, his Ma and Pa were sittin' on the porch swing talkin' bout the good ol' days when Ma spots the biggest bird she ever seen!

Ma says, "Pa, look at the size of that bird! Pa gets up and grabs his 12 gauge shotgun. He takes careful aim and.....Boom! Boom! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops. Ma says, "Pa, I think ya missed him. Pa replies, "Yeah, but at least he let go of Bubba!"

A cowboy and his new bride check into a motel. The cowboy explains to the desk clerk that they were just married that morning. The clerk asks, "Would you like the bridal?" The cowboy answers, "No, thanks, I’ll just hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it."

That's it for today my little sugar plums. Remember, follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work. I hear the faint call of happy hour in the distance. Think I'll head over to AREA 51. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !