Memories Of My Father

My father did not have a formal education, but he was one of the smartest men I've ever known. Wise enough to step into the background and let mother teach us things he could not grasp, yet teach us to say, "Yes sir, no ma'am, please and thank you."

Dad took us everywhere. He taught me to fish and respect the outdoors. More importantly, he taught me to respect my elders, a virtue that has rewarded me repeatedly throughout my life.

Dad served in the U.S. Coast Guard during World War II and was an excellent cook, having learned so in the service. The fact of the matter is that my Dad taught my Mom how to cook.

Although Mom was the day-to-day disciplinarian of the family, Dad had the final say. Woe be unto the child that had to face Dad once Mom had given up and called in the reinforcements.

As we all know, no Father or Mother is perfect, but my parents raised three children on limited income. The funny thing is that we never did without and I never felt poor, although I was aware that some had more than others.

All things considered, my Father was an important part of my life and I miss him daily. He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. Happy Father's Day to my Dad in heaven.....

The News As I See It: "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." ~ Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi" Atlantic Monthly, 1874

It is being reported that the Democratic National Committee was hacked by the Russians. Hey, maybe they know where Hillary's emails are.

According to the Social Security Administration, the most popular baby names in 2016 are Noah and Emma. Least popular baby names? Donald and Hillary.

Bernie Sanders is upset because he says his fundraising dinners didn't raise as much money as Hillary Clinton's. Well, of course they didn't. Nobody wants to eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.

In Virginia, a computer crash wiped out a decade's worth of U.S. military data. However, this morning, the Chinese government called and said no problem, we backed it up.

The FDA has approved a device for weight loss that sucks the food out of your stomach through an abdominal incision. As an alternative, you could try a salad every now and then.

This Date In History: 1775; The Battle of Bunker Hill took place during the American Revolution. 1885; The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the French ship Isere. 1928; Amelia Earhart embarked on the first trans-Atlantic flight by a woman.

1944; The Republic of Iceland was established. 1963;  U.S. Supreme Court ruled that no locality may require recitation of Lord's Prayer or Bible verses in public schools. 1972; Burglary of Democratic Party headquarters in Washington, DC, started the Watergate political scandal.

1994; O. J. Simpson's slow-speed chase by the police, watched by millions on TV, ended in his arrest. 2002; Australian scientists announced that they had "teleported" a laser beam—breaking it up and reconstructing it in another location.

Picture Of The Day: The most valuable gift a child can receive is spending time with his father.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The "eye roll" was created by Eve in the Garden of Eden within 15 min of her first conversation with Adam. 2) I call Realtors advertising on bus stop benches and ask them the bus schedule. 3) My friend told the Starbucks waiter that his name is Stephen with a "ph". The cup came back reading "PHEVEN". 4) People who go to the store and buy a single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy. 5) When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 17th: I'm no attorney, but admitting to shooting the sheriff is not a good alibi when being accused of shooting the deputy.

Birthdays: John Wesley, English evangelical preacher, founder of Methodism 1703, James Weldon Johnson, author, educator 1871, Igor Stravinsky, composer 1882, M. C. Escher, artist 1898, Dan Jansen, skater 1965, Venus Williams, tennis player 1980.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Murray spotted his pal Hiram in the park and they sat down on the park bench to talk. Murray was elated and he said to Hiram, "I've got a new hearing aid and I can finally hear the birds sing and the rustle of the leaves in tha Autumn breeze." Hiram smiled and nodded his approval.

Murray raved on, "Hiram, in the bedroom, I can hear every "sweet nothing" that comes out my bride, Rose's mouth. Yes Murray, this new hearing aid cost me a bundle, but it was worth every penney!" Hiram said, "That's great Murray, what kind is it?" Murray said, "4:15".

A guy goes into a bar and complains of a headache. The bartender tells him says, "Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom and the headache goes away."

The next day at the bar, the bartender says, "Did you do what I told you to?" The guy says, "Yes, I sure did and my headache went away. By the way, you have a nice house!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne."

The farmer said, "What a coincidence, it is a special day for me. I'm celebrating." The woman said, "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!"

While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?" The woman replied, "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."

The farmer said, "What a coincidence. I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."

The woman said, "This is awesome! What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?" The farmer said, "I used a different rooster." The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The Black curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of Blacks in a predominately White, patriarchal society.

He pointed out, "In fact, some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about." The couple asked, "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?"

The Scottish man said, "Because I'm the guy who painted it. In fact, there are no Blacks or homosexuals depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The only difference is that the guy in the middle went home for lunch."

That's it for today, my little black eyed pesa. Remember, give a liberal a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a liberal to fish, he'll add to the global over-depletion of the oceans, then complain about global warming while he cashes his government check at the liquor store, so just give him the damned fish. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Happy Father's Day !

First and foremost, I would like to wish all the fathers a very happy Father's Day. Those of you that will again be receiving the usual ties, underwear, T-shirts or power tools, please be understanding as it is the thought that counts.

As boring as World Cup soccer is, in and of itself, I've been trying to follow the United States team. Additionally, I've tried to watch the more highly regarded matches of other countries in a vain attempted to develop some desire to follow the sport. The U.S. team tied Slovenia today (2-2) in a dramatic comeback that many thought the U.S. team should have won if not for bad calls by the referee or judge or whatever the hell they call him.

The U.S. team is now 0-0-2 and it's my understanding that they still have a chance to go into the next round. I watched most of the game with the television sound very low as the droning sounds of the vuvuzela (a long trumpet-looking thing that the idiots play non-stop throughout the game). The sound is reminiscent of a gigantic swarm of maniacal bees on steroids.

Politcal whore Rep. Joe Barton (R-Texas), the ranking member on the House Energy Committee, had the audacity to apologize to BP CEO Tony Hayward for the "shakedown" the Obama White House pulled on the company. Barton has received more than $1.5 million in campaign donations from the oil industry. After major criticism from both parties, House Republican leadership threatened to immediately strip Barton's seniority on the committee if the Texas Republican didn't retract the apology at once. He retracted his apology.

Barton is the epitome of the types of political assholes that should be removed from office in the coming elections. I sent Rep. Barton the following email this morning:

I cannot believe your act of political prostitution in your apology to BP CEO Tony Hayward. Didn't it enter into your feeble mind that everyone is aware of the monies you have received from big oil? My lord, have you no morals whatsoever?

The News As I See It: President Obama finally met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, but the meeting was only scheduled for 20 minutes. Call me crazy but I think it should take more time to discuss an oil spill than it does to get your oil checked. Obama demanded that BP clean up the Gulf, but BP can’t even clean up their gas station bathrooms.

Obama said he's going to use the gulf disaster to immediately push a new energy bill through Congress. He's made a lot of promises that he can’t possibly keep. It’s like he’s campaigning again.

China now holds more than $900 billion in U.S. debt and a lot of Americans are worried about this. Who cares? We’re not going to pay them back anyway.

This Date In History: 1812; The War of 1812 began. 1815; Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Waterloo by British, German, and Dutch forces. 1873; Suffragist Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote in the 1872 presidential election. 1928; Aviator Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean. She completed the flight from Newfoundland to Wales in about 21 hours.

1948; The United Nations Commission on Human Rights adopted its International Declaration of Human Rights. The General Assembly would give it final approval on Dec. 10, 1948. 1983; Sally Ride became the first American woman in space.

Picture Of The Day: I had a hell of a time trying to find pictures for today's post. I think all the photoshop people are taking the weekend off. Nevertheless, I was able to dig up a few presentable pictures for your dining and dancing pleasure.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My grandfather is hard of hearing and he needs to read lips. I don’t mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters. 2) They say animal behavior can warm you when an earthquake is coming. I think that's true because the night before that last earthquake hit, a dog took his owner's car keys and drove to Arizona. 3) A friend of mine went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time, so he ordered French toast during the Renaissance. 4) My girlfriend wants to celebrate next Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I told to invite everyone in the neighborhood to our house, we'll have an enormous feast, and then we'll kill them and take their land. 5) I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Edward Scripps, newspaper publisher 1854, Philip Barry, playwright 1896, Anastasia, grand duchess 1901, Paul McCartney, Singer, composer, pianist and musician 1942.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?" The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen." The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names." His buddy turned and whispered, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, she farted. Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped no one heard her. But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman.

With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madam. How may I help you today?" Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madam, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted simply from touching it, you're going to shit when you hear the price."

One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds,"I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St.Andrew."The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."

Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Murray, come up here and I'll give you the $2."As the teacher was giving Murray his money, she said, "You know Murray, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Murray replied, "Yeah, in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business..."

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the girl next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something." Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt karate expert. The woman sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and she's a rugby player. The girl to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and she's a wrestler. All of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

That's it for today my little tadpoles. Remember, a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. I'm off to AREA 51 for a little rest and recreation. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !