Friday, June 17, 2016
Memories Of My Father
My father did not have a formal education, but he was one of the smartest men I've ever known. Wise enough to step into the background and let mother teach us things he could not grasp, yet teach us to say, "Yes sir, no ma'am, please and thank you."
Dad took us everywhere. He taught me to fish and respect the outdoors. More importantly, he taught me to respect my elders, a virtue that has rewarded me repeatedly throughout my life.
Dad served in the U.S. Coast Guard during World War II and was an excellent cook, having learned so in the service. The fact of the matter is that my Dad taught my Mom how to cook.
Although Mom was the day-to-day disciplinarian of the family, Dad had the final say. Woe be unto the child that had to face Dad once Mom had given up and called in the reinforcements.
As we all know, no Father or Mother is perfect, but my parents raised three children on limited income. The funny thing is that we never did without and I never felt poor, although I was aware that some had more than others.
All things considered, my Father was an important part of my life and I miss him daily. He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. Happy Father's Day to my Dad in heaven.....
The News As I See It: "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." ~ Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi" Atlantic Monthly, 1874
It is being reported that the Democratic National Committee was hacked by the Russians. Hey, maybe they know where Hillary's emails are.
According to the Social Security Administration, the most popular baby names in 2016 are Noah and Emma. Least popular baby names? Donald and Hillary.
Bernie Sanders is upset because he says his fundraising dinners didn't raise as much money as Hillary Clinton's. Well, of course they didn't. Nobody wants to eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.
In Virginia, a computer crash wiped out a decade's worth of U.S. military data. However, this morning, the Chinese government called and said no problem, we backed it up.
The FDA has approved a device for weight loss that sucks the food out of your stomach through an abdominal incision. As an alternative, you could try a salad every now and then.
This Date In History: 1775; The Battle of Bunker Hill took place during the American Revolution. 1885; The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the French ship Isere. 1928; Amelia Earhart embarked on the first trans-Atlantic flight by a woman.
1944; The Republic of Iceland was established. 1963; U.S. Supreme Court ruled that no locality may require recitation of Lord's Prayer or Bible verses in public schools. 1972; Burglary of Democratic Party headquarters in Washington, DC, started the Watergate political scandal.
1994; O. J. Simpson's slow-speed chase by the police, watched by millions on TV, ended in his arrest. 2002; Australian scientists announced that they had "teleported" a laser beam—breaking it up and reconstructing it in another location.
Picture Of The Day: The most valuable gift a child can receive is spending time with his father.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The "eye roll" was created by Eve in the Garden of Eden within 15 min of her first conversation with Adam. 2) I call Realtors advertising on bus stop benches and ask them the bus schedule. 3) My friend told the Starbucks waiter that his name is Stephen with a "ph". The cup came back reading "PHEVEN". 4) People who go to the store and buy a single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy. 5) When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?".....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 17th: I'm no attorney, but admitting to shooting the sheriff is not a good alibi when being accused of shooting the deputy.
Birthdays: John Wesley, English evangelical preacher, founder of Methodism 1703, James Weldon Johnson, author, educator 1871, Igor Stravinsky, composer 1882, M. C. Escher, artist 1898, Dan Jansen, skater 1965, Venus Williams, tennis player 1980.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Murray spotted his pal Hiram in the park and they sat down on the park bench to talk. Murray was elated and he said to Hiram, "I've got a new hearing aid and I can finally hear the birds sing and the rustle of the leaves in tha Autumn breeze." Hiram smiled and nodded his approval.
Murray raved on, "Hiram, in the bedroom, I can hear every "sweet nothing" that comes out my bride, Rose's mouth. Yes Murray, this new hearing aid cost me a bundle, but it was worth every penney!" Hiram said, "That's great Murray, what kind is it?" Murray said, "4:15".
A guy goes into a bar and complains of a headache. The bartender tells him says, "Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom and the headache goes away."
The next day at the bar, the bartender says, "Did you do what I told you to?" The guy says, "Yes, I sure did and my headache went away. By the way, you have a nice house!"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne."
The farmer said, "What a coincidence, it is a special day for me. I'm celebrating." The woman said, "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!"
While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?" The woman replied, "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."
The farmer said, "What a coincidence. I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."
The woman said, "This is awesome! What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?" The farmer said, "I used a different rooster." The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The Black curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of Blacks in a predominately White, patriarchal society.
He pointed out, "In fact, some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about." The couple asked, "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?"
The Scottish man said, "Because I'm the guy who painted it. In fact, there are no Blacks or homosexuals depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The only difference is that the guy in the middle went home for lunch."
That's it for today, my little black eyed pesa. Remember, give a liberal a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a liberal to fish, he'll add to the global over-depletion of the oceans, then complain about global warming while he cashes his government check at the liquor store, so just give him the damned fish. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !