Friday, March 6, 2009

It's Dumb News Week !

I'm continually amazed by how many stupid people and stupid ideas there are on the news each day and this week was everything I knew it could be. Here are a few of the recent things in the news:

Probably the dumbest idea comes from the no-frills Ryanair, who, in an economic move, stated that they are considering having pay toilets on their airplanes. Ryanair chief executive Michael O'Leary insisted Thursday he's serious about making passengers pay for the right to relieve themselves on flights. Personally, I hate to fly and when I have no choice, I choose the airline who has the longest no-crash record. The restroom is a subject that I don't want to have to think about as my plane soars at 30,000 feet and I sit white knuckled in my seat doing shots of Johnny Walker Black.

My first thought is what do you do if there's a lot of broke people on the plane? Do you pay according to time spent? Is there an extra charge for number 2? What if you just want to smoke a cigarette? If I am a member of the mile high club, do I get a discount for two people? These and other questions are answered in today's pictures.

Tattoo Barbie now that's a really great idea to introduce to a child. Yes Sir! Now your kid, who was making good grades in school and spoke the queens English can be "stylin." Who knows? Maybe this little ditty will help her fit in with the "in" crowd, learning to swear, shoplift and steal bicycles with the rest of her "peers".

But that's not all! As she grows each year, you can buy her Ho Barbie, due out next year as the Obama economy goes to hell in a hand basket. Of course, Pimping Ken doll is sold separately. As you lose your job and home, your child's new unexplained income will help her to purchase Crack Barbie thereby qualifying her for the new free federal health care for everyone and his uncle.

Dr. Seuss, created by Theodore Geisel, must be turning over in his grave as teachers are teaching their students to "rap" his famous "Green Eggs and Ham." When I was in school, we took Spanish and French as secondary languages.

The 410 billion dollar tax bill has 7.1 billion dollars in pork (earmarks) and is having problems being passed by the Senate. Uh, aren't these guys the same people (both parties) who attached these earmarks to the bill? I guess it's now down to my pork's better than your pork.

New York State has a limit of around $12,000 per year for people on welfare. When the stimulus bill is passed and takes effect, this amount will double to around $24,000 per year. A person going to work every day for minimum wage makes around $16,000 per year. What's wrong with this picture? Spread the wealth is what's wrong with it. Take money from people who play by the rules and work hard and give it to the people who sit on their asses and complain how everyone mistreats them.

On a serious note, my pal Linda in Washington was admitted to the hospital yesterday for cardiac related issues. My pal Robin, author of "The Yellow Brick Road", informed me via email yesterday that she didn't believe it was a heart attack and they are keeping her overnight for tests. Please keep Linda in your prayers. You can read more about Linda's condition by reading Robins journal at

Please stop by and leave a get well message to my pal Linda at

This Date In History: 1770; In the Boston Massacre, British troops fire on a raucous mob, killing five Americans and wounding six. 1922; Annie Oakley shoots 98 out of 100 clay pigeons, breaking the existing women's trap-shooting record. 1946; Winston Churchill declares that “from Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic an iron curtain has descended across the European Continent.” 1953; Joseph Stalin dies suddenly in Moscow.

Picture Of The Day: Toilet humor has never been beneath me, and today's no different. Yes, pay toilets on airplanes, my friends! That's today's theme. I could probably do a thirty minute stand-up routine on this subject, butt I won't. If I were with one of my lady friends on a flight with pay toilets, even Obama's stimulus bill wouldn't help me pay the bill. That's another thing....don't use the word "stimulus" on this type of flight. For parents on airplanes teaching their children the alphabet to entertain them, leave out the pee.

Birthdays: Henry II, king of England 1133. Gerardus Mercator, Flemish geographer, mapmaker, and mathematician 1512, Giovanni Tiepolo, Italian painter 1696, Lady Isabella Gregory, Irish playwright 1852, Heitor Villa-Lobos, Brazilian composer 1887, Rex Harrison (1908-1990), British actor, immortalized in the role of Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady (1956), the film adaptation of George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion 1908.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week 2) My brother Kirt and I, at ages 4 and 5, got into our family car, which was parked in our driveway on a downhill incline, to play. I pushed in the clutch and the car began to roll. My mom said she looked up and saw Kirt and I drive by the window in the family car. Fortunately, I let out the clutch and the car chugged to a halt before taking out the garage. 3) 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence? 4) I once shot my brother in the ass with a BB rifle. My father laughed and then he gave me a whipping. 5) When going to court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he catches a cold."

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. Biff was a student going to one of the finest private schools in the nation. From an upper-crust family, he was well-bred, well-connected and all that goes with it. Willie was going into the 5th grade for the 8th time.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu." Biff was first and recited the following poem: "Slowly across the desert sand trekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by two, destination, Timbuktu." The audience went wild!

The crowd wondered, could Willie could top that?! The clock started again and Willie sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited: "Tim and me, a-huntin' went. Met three girls in a pop-up tent. They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu."

That's it for today my little cherry blossums. Have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


garnett109 said...

Enjoy your weekend friend

Rose said...

Just loved the Barbie stories. I have a few Barbie dolls in my doll collection.

Cracked up over the new airplane fees. Hmmmmmmmm....I remember many moons ago becoming a member of the Mile High Club!

I will stop by to offer get well wishes to Linda and also keep her in my prayers.

Have a good weekend.

Hugs, Rose

Robin said...

I love toilet humor!!!

Missie said...

I can't believe they would really go ahead with the pay toilets. I just can't imagine!

Have a good weekend.

Coelha :B said...

Don't even start with toilets with me! At work are toilets still aren't working! We now have upscaled from porta potties to toilets in a trailer. If feels like you are in a plane. If I was a larger woman, I probably wouldn't be able to pull down my pants in those little stalls! I do close my eyes sometimes and pretend I'm on a plane on it's way to Fuji. I try to stay positive. Have a great weekend! :) Julie

Julie said...

Sterling as usual Jimmy. Another great reason not to fly. Loved the jokes.

Joann said...

Thanks for the heads up about Linda, went by to wish her well. Loved the jokes, loved the pics!! HATE that new tattoo barbie!! UGH!! Funny toilet questions!! LOL!!

Linda's World said...

Great entry...I don't like to fly either, so it would have to be a real emergency for me to undo my seat belt and walk down the isle to the lavatory. I can tell you what will happen if that guy enforces the "pay to pee" thing. They'll be changing out the seats on those planes on a regular basis. That's disgusting & stupid on their part. Thanks for spreading the word about my unplanned trip to the hospital last week. I'm very glad to be home again. Linda in Washington where it's snowing again