Friday, March 20, 2009

Some Things Just Strike Me Funny - Except Lightning

It's Friday and it's been a very trying week. Between the AIG scandal and an incompetent Congress trying to oversee the wasteful and unchecked government bailout disbursements, things have gotten chaotic. The republicans are screaming, claiming the Obama administration and the democrats created the loophole that allowed the AIG bonuses.

Democrat Chris Dodd, Chairman of the Senate Banking Comittee virtually lied to CNN saying he didn't know how the loophole amendment was inserted. When caught lying, he admitted that he was the one that inserted the amendment and passed the blame saying it was at the behest and pressure from the Treasury Department. Dodd's home state is Connecticut where AIG headquarters is located

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geitner admitted his department did ask that the loophole clause be inserted stating they were wary of possible lawsuits. In the meantime, every useless politician in Washington is busy covering his ass using the "it wasn't me" card.

All this political scrambling and lying makes me think that a journey to AREA 51 is definitely in order. It won't solve any problems that the idiots running this country seem to make on a daily basis, but my pal, Johnnie Walker Black (no relation to Shirley Temple Black) always seems to help me cope with the problem of the day.

I've seen and heard some things that struck me funny this week and I took the time to jot them down. Some are things I heard on talk shows and some are things I read in print but in no particular order, here they are.

The lovely and talented singer Leann Rimes was on Jay Leno and was speaking about her trip to Germany. In showing the pictures she took, one in particular was the exit on a German expressway. The sign reads "Ausfarht" which when translated means "Exit." After the laughter subsided, she noted that the word on German signs meaning "Enter" was "Einfarht."

I'm quick to laugh at bathroom humor and far be it from me not to exploit that very funny scene. Both Rimes, Leno and myself were near tears from laughter.

Watching comedienne Roseanne Barr on a Rodney Dangerfield re-run on HBO, she said she was "a little cranky" because she inadvertently put on her Stay Free Maxi Pad "adhesive side up." While I can only imagine the discomfort this mistake might cause, the visual left me hysterical.

I saw this picture and it cracked me up, so I thought I'd show it to you. I've never really been desperate while browsing life's intricate arcade of beautiful females, but there have been times that my plans were somewhat stymied. However, this little contraption that was probably conjured up by a former Eagle Scout or outdoorsman certainly warrants a round of applause, if for nothing more than originality.

My condolences to the family and friends of actress Natasha Richardson who died this week after a freak skiing accident in Canada. Richardson died as the result of blunt impact, which led to internal bleeding in her head. The wife of Liam Neeson and mother of two, 45, was removed from life support at a New York hospital on Wednesday night, two days after falling on a beginners' ski slope in Canada.

This Date In History: 956; France recognizes the independence of its protectorate of Tunisia as a constitutional monarchy. The bey of Tunis is head of state and Habib Bourguiba became premier. 1602; The Dutch East India Company is chartered to establish bases and fortifications against Spain and Portugal, in return for a monopoly of trade in the Indian and Pacific oceans.

1969; John Lennon and Yoko Ono marry on the Rock of Gibraltar. 1995; Twelve people are killed and about 5,000 injured when the nerve gas sarin in released in a Tokyo underground station. Two days later police raid the offices of the Aum Shinri Kyo religious sect. 2003; The US-led War on Iraq begins with air strikes against Baghdad.

Picture Of The Day: Feel like dropping out of school? Go ahead! In the interim and as a public service, I've found some jobs you might have a chance of getting without an education. That's today's theme my little child rearers. Have your potential dropouts take a good look at some of the cool jobs they can count on. Hey, it makes the job market a little better and less competitive for the rest of us.

Birthdays: Henrik Ibse, Norwegian dramatist 1828, Michael Redgrave, British stage and film actor 1908, Sviatislav Richter, Ukrainian pianist 1915, Vera Lynn, professional name of Dame Vera Margaret Lewis, born Vera Margaret Welch, British singer 1917, Spike Lee, American film-maker 1957.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I believe that experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 2) My first lesson learned from diving from the high dive into the local pool was that the drawstrings on my bathing suit have a very useful purpose. 3) As I have grown older, one of my favorite games is "hide and go pee." 4) I believe that nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 5) I've never owned a slave, or was a slave. I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut up already.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

You Know You're Getting Old When: Your sweetheart says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!" A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. Getting "a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today. You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

An elderly man was headed home in his car one evening, swerving and weaving on the road, when he was stopped by a policeman. The cop said, "Have you been drinking tonight, sir?" The man replied, "Well, I may have had a pint or two. Why do you ask?"

The policeman said, "Sir, your wife fell out of the car about a mile back." The old man said, "Oh, thank goodness, I thought I'd gone deaf!"

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter and asks, "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers "Yes". Jacob says "Do you sell heart medication?" The Pharmacist says "Of course we do."

Jacob says "How about medicine for circulation?" The Pharmacist replies "All kinds." Jacob says, How about "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis, Viagra, memory problems, arthritis, and Jaundice?" The Pharmacist "Yes, a large variety. This is a drugstore."

Jacob says "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease, wheelchairs and walkers?" The Pharmacist becomes frustrated and says, "We have everything. Why do you ask?"

Jacob says to the pharmacist, "Well, we're getting married and we'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry!"

That's it for today my little chickadees. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


garnett109 said...

Jimmy the last joke Killed me!
Thanks for the laugh!

Rose said...

This entire entry killed me! LOL

You crack me up!

Hugs, Rose

Julie said...

Oh man, I used to try and catch critters with a box, stick and string as a youngster, brought back some memories. What can I say about politicians, yucky. Love the jokes and I am glad I went on to college but you should see some of the nasty jobs I have education or not.

Linda's World said...

The Natasha Richardson thing was so tragic. Even if she'd accepted medical help at the time, the outcome may have been different. Bob went out that evening and bought a helmet for skiing. Almost 40 years of playing in the snow & he's never worn one until now. Now to your 'Printable things I've never told you.' #5~you are a slave, remember that black & white creature that shares your home? Vickie Sue in cold, windy & rainy Washington state

madcobug said...

Cute entry. Helen

Bama said...

OMG, Jimmy! The last joke almost made fall out of my chair! Remember, my dad just got married again in December!

I have to agree with you about the dropping out of school thing. If all the students in school graduated with top honors, who would want to pick up our garbage?


Paula said...

Liked the last joke best. If you gotta be old have to keep a good sense of humor. Thanks

Ally Lifewithally said...

I always leave your blog with a smile on my face ~ thankyou for that ~ Ally x

Joann said...

LOL!!! The last joke... LOL!!! That last pic.... Ewwwwwwwww!!!! LOL!!! Great entry!!

Claudia's thoughts said...

RE: The first picture....When my daughter was 15 she got her first job at the Golden Arches......after one week at work she said..."Do you know what I laerned working at McDonalds?"

I learned I am not going to spend the rest of my life doing that. Some people get smart early and strive for more and some people never learn from experience.

Martha said...

Just popping over to say hello. Someday I'll be back to visiting on a regular basis again. Hope all is well. Enjoy the rest of the weekend :-)