Friday, May 29, 2009

Friday Shopping Can Sometimes Turn Into A Preliminary To Happy Hour In AREA 51

Today was my shopping and banking day. I don't usually do things like that on Friday, but bread and mayonnaise sandwiches didn't sound too good for lunch and my cat, Possum (aka Shithead), didn't have any cat food, so off I went. I was fairly well prepared and I was able to resolve all of my shopping and banking needs on time.

Late May, June and July are the rainy months and I actually brought my umbrella, which made me proud of myself. I stopped at Publix and for some reason I always have some great adventures there. As a rule, I don't pay much attention to what's written on meat and poultry, relying mostly on eyesight. This often leads to purchasing the wrong cuts of meat, so again, I even thought to bring my glasses.

Checkout was a breeze, I saved money using coupons and Publix even gave me a $10 gift card for something I usually buy anyway and spending over $50. I went to the exit quite content with myself. Lo and behold, the monsoons had arrived. Of course, my umbrella was in the car just in case the car had to go out into the rain.

Undeterred and still relatively happy, I went back inside to buy some cigarettes while I waited for the rain to stop (Yep! Left my cigarettes in the car, as well). I asked the cashier the price of cigarettes and a sweet lass smiled and said, "You shouldn't smoke, it's bad for your health!" I smiled and told her, "I do a lot of things that's bad for my health." I didn't buy the cigarettes (mostly because the price was higher that other stores).

I went outside and the manager and his associate were outside and we were discussing the rainy weather. The same sweet lass came outside and said with a smile, "Don't give him a cigarette, he's trying to quit." I looked at the manager and his associate and they looked at me with that certain look guys give other guys and grinned. I said, "Rainy days turn sunny sometimes...."

I turned to the girl and asked for her name. She told me, but I have a bad habit was analyzing the possibilities and not listening, so I have no idea what she said her name was. I did learn she was in real estate (as am I) and where she goes for happy hour........

I've been meaning to tell everyone that if any of you like singing karaoke, I have quite a few karaoke tracks. If you would like one or two, email me at and I will send them to you (free) by email. You can then download the track, burn it on a CD and voila, you're a singer!

This Date In History: 1453; Ottoman forces under Sultan Muhammad II storm Constantinople, capital of the Byzantine Empire. 1913; Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring premieres in Paris, to rioting. 1953; New Zealander Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay of Nepal are the first men to reach the summit of Mount Everest, the world's highest mountain.

Picture Of The Day: I keep finding Nancy Pelosi waterboarding and lying pictures and you'll have to forgive me, but I just love 'em. Nothing pleases me more than to watch that witch stutter and stammer about the lies she has told. Of all the capable, intelligent women who qualify in my mind as a potential speaker of the house, how they agreed on her is beyond me.

Naturally, I added some of the pictures I took at Publix for your dining and dancing pleasure .

Birthdays: Charles II, king of England, Scotland, and Ireland 1630, G. K. Chesterton, writer 1874, Bob Hope, comedian and film actor 1903, John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States (1961-1963) 1917.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I spoke to a doctor the other day and he suggested that a combination of wine, women and song often shortens a man's life. If that's true, I may start singing karaoke less often. 2) For the "My other car is....." people, your other car is just as unreliable as your wit. 3) Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies and kittens (especially kittens). 4) In the Army, I was stationed at Fort Sam Houston Texas. On my first weekend pass, I went to San Antonio and saw the Alamo. That night, I went a nightclub and met Gloria Moreno. I remember the Alamo and I remember Gloria. 5) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. I don't remember who wrote that.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

For three years, the young lawyer had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

The lawyer asked, "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant? I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" Helen said, "When my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talking and we decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

For those who are unaware, my second ex-wife is Cuban, so I though those in the know might enjoy the following story.

Three men got married to Latin women. The first man married a woman from Venezuela. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Mexico. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Cuba. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."His date replied, "Thank heavens, If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

That's it for today my little brussel sprouts. It's Friday and I'm going to that certain AREA 51 location where female real estate agents who shop in Publix go. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

You manage to snag some great graphics to express entries in your blog which I love.

Hugs, Rose

garnett109 said...

Yep Jimmy Pelosi is easy

Lin said...

Hi Jimmy, Thanks for stopping by my blog. I think you have the most hilarious jokes!

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Linda's World said...

Jimmy, I am shocked & horrified that you are a smoker. You really should quit, it's bad for your health. (Is there an echo in here?) Buy some's cheaper. Have a marvy weekend and give PSH a hug from Linda of Washington presently in smoggy southern California.

Paula said...

I worked at U.S.A.A. across from Fort Sam in '54 '55. They only hired women back then and it was a good place to work just out of high school.

Joann said...

FUNNY post as always!! LOVE the new songs on your playlist!! I hope to get around to changing or adding some to mine this weekend!!

Heli gunner Tom said...

I need to "learn" how to snag graphics. Yours are so cool and realistic.

When I was 'visiting' S.E. Asia I smoked 'EVERYTHING' but my fav. smokes were Marlboro. I smoked for 5 whole years and enjoyed it immensely, but quit forever in 1973 and never looked back. And I certainly know that it's very hard to quit-- and I do NOT judge or torment others who still smoke.

Tom Schuckman

Wisconsin has a lot of mosquitoes now!

Martha said...

Sorry I didn't make it by on my usual friday evening rounds to wish you a wonderful visit to area 51 last night - computer trouble stinks! Hope the whole weekend is wonderful! :-)

PS - send some of that rain over here to the west coast of Florida, we really need it!

Janice said...

I love your Pelosi pictures.
She is not one of my favorite people either.

Janice (Rose Sisti's friend)

Senorita said...

I don't smoke, and it doesn't bother me when others do.

If you were living here in the SF Bay Area people here would get all preachy on you and think it's their God given right to yell at you.

There are so many laws against it. It's no longer allowed in bars, restaurants and apartment buildings.

Anonymous said...

That first picture is hysterical, but the whole thing is also very sad.

The only time I said anything to someone about smoking is when I worked with a pregnant woman who was taking smoking breaks all the time. I still should not have said anything but it did really fly out of my mouth. She laughed said she knew it was wrong, but she didn't want to gain too much weight.
Okkkk. But I still should have shut up.~Mary

Tabby said...

I love how you can have an adventure while grocery shopping! What happens if that lady show's up at her area 51 what will you call her? I loved the pictures:)and the jokes!

Julie said...

Jimmy Jimmy, only you could make a trip to the grocery store worth blogging about, LOL. Don't smoke cigarettes anymore but do like a nice honey cigar once in awhile. Love your Pelosi graphics, yes, she is a easy target and you know how I feel about her.