You Don't Send Me Flowers Any More (Yes I Do !)

Women like receiving flowers and for the most part, men enjoy sending them. It's just that the male species doesn't quite understand the attraction. Yes, we send flowers, but it's probably more likened to the same type of conditioned response that you get from a mouse when it pushes a pellet into a cup and receives a reward. Imagine, if you will, Pavlov's dog's mouth watering when Pavlov turned on the light. He knew what what was coming next and so do men.

Men can't even imagine receiving flowers. We'd rather receive $100 worth of anything except flowers. It's not that men don't think flowers are beautiful. It's just the idea of purchasing and sending something for $100 that can be found next door in your neighbor's yard.

Chocolates, on the other hand serve a two fold purpose. Most women like receiving chocolate and, for men, that serves purpose "A". The reasoning behind purpose "B" is obviously the fact that men can join in the consumption of the chocolates. The only minor drawback to purpose "B" is that the chocolates are usually offered to you after the premium pieces have been eaten by the lady. That, of course, is combined with the fact that some of the pieces may already have been bitten into, were undesirable and placed back in the box.

Nevertheless, men are normally happy to get what they're offered and for the price of a dozen roses and a box of chocolates, you can certainly make your lady very happy. Moreover, the tedium of daily life takes a toll and puts a strain on everyone. I think that it's especially important to stop every once in a while to smell the roses.

President Clinton flew all the way to North Korea under the cover of night to rescue two beautiful women from the clutches of an evil dictator. What’s amazing is, that’s the exact same alibi he used on Hillary last week.

This Date In History: 1858; Queen Victoria proclaims Ottawa as Canada’s capital. 1941; Rabindranath Tagore, the Indian poet, novelist, and visionary, dies at the age of 80. 1942; US Marines land on Guadalcanal, in the Solomon Islands, in the first of the amphibious assaults against Japanese-held positions in the Pacific Ocean.

1947; Hoping to prove that Native South Americans could have migrated to Pacific islands, Thor Heyerdahl lands the Kon-Tiki, on Polynesia after a 4,300 mile journey from Peru. 1961; Soviet cosmonaut Gherman Titov completes 17 orbits of the Earth in 25.5 hours in Vostok 2, becoming the first person to spend more than a day in space.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill is officially being introduced to Jimmy's Journal today. Tired of hearing threats and innuendo about your senior future? We'll have a place to go and rock 'til we drop or are at least catheterized. Hopefully, an amusing little section of my journal for future senior citizens.

Picture Of The Day: Flowers, more specifically roses, are one of nature's greatest gifts. While scouring the Internet for photographs, I became aware of the fact that there were a plethora of flower pictures, especially roses, to choose from. The serenity and beauty of these flowers certainly make writing today's entry very easy.

Birthdays: Emil Nolde, German Expressionist painter 1867, Sir Granville Bantock, composer, conductor, and educationalist 1868, Mata Hari, professional name of Margaretha Geertruida Zelle, Dutch courtesan and spy during World War I 1876, Ralph Bunche, American diplomat 1904, Nicholas Ray, American film director 1911, Garrison Keillor, American writer and broadcaster 1942.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My Tuesday night dinner and subsequent trip to AREA51 with my pals Joe and Linda was great fun and reminds me of how much one can miss seeing good friends. 2) I think it's important to practice safe eating. Always use condiments. 3) There's a good chance that this weekend will be very busy. I'm going to AREA 51 on Friday with my pal Hector and possibly sitting in this weekend with The Mercy Silva Band in Calle Ocho. 4) The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. 5) Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The way I calculate it, this means that Gary Coleman is going to drown.......and that's five!

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

While going through potty training, young Tommy managed to hit everything but the toilet. After two weeks, his mother had enough and took Tommy to the doctor. After the examination, the doctor said, "His unit is too small. An old wives' tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight."

The next morning Tommy jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast. Tommy said, "Mom, the doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast." His mother said, "I know, the other ten slices are for your father."

The new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. Still nervous after a few words he took another drink. He then proceeded with his sermon. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note from the monsignor on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
8) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
9) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.
10) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

That's it for today my little pickle packers. Remember the original point and click interface was a .38 caliber Smith & Wesson. It's Friday and I'm going to AREA 51 and see how much trouble I can stay out of. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !