Wednesday, April 10, 2013
My Dog Beanie
Today I remember my dog Beanie, who has long since passed over the rainbow bridge to be with all my other faithful pets who filled my life with love.
Beanie was a mutt, but he was family to us. He got into all kinds of trouble in his day but, then again, so did Brother Kirt, Sister Jeanne and myself.
For those of you who have pets, there is no need to delve into how much they mean to you. For those of you who don't have pets, you may have missed some really fulfilling times in your life. So today, I'll be featuring dogs and other pets that I found surfing the web.
This will be short and sweet. I miss you Beanie.....
The News As I See It: North Korea continues to threaten to launch a missile at South Korea. North Korea backed down after South Korea threatened to launch a sequel to "Gangnam Style." In high school Kim Jong Un starred in a production of the musical "Grease." That's also where Kim met his first wife, Olivia Newton Jong.
Dealing with the North Koreans is very difficult. They have a history of making irrational decisions to divert the world's attention from the fact their system has totally collapsed. No wait, sorry, I was thinking of NBC.
Here’s something you may not know. When Vice President Biden and Obama meet for lunch at the White House, the chef goes out of his way to personalize their meals. For example, Biden’s lunch always comes with a toy.
There's a trend now of politicians cutting their salaries by 5 percent because of budget cuts — except for Vice President Joe Biden. He won't do it. Though in fairness, it’ll take Biden at least a month to figure out what 5 percent of his salary is.
The company that owns Pabst Blue Ribbon beer has been approved to buy Hostess Twinkies. A company spokesman said we want to branch out from people who don't care what they drink to people who don't care what they eat.
Tom Cruise made his first public comments about his divorce from Katie Holmes. He said, "I didn't see it coming." Apparently Katie kept her divorce papers on top of the refrigerator.
Happy birthday to Hugh Hefner, who recently turned 87 years old. He has a wife named Crystal who's 26 years old. She was born in 1986. He was born in 1926. What do they talk about? He served in World War II and she wasn't even alive when "Ghostbusters" came out.
Scientists have discovered a new type of tarantula that is eight inches wide. Even environmentalists were like, "You killed that thing, right?"
This Date In History: 1790; The U.S. patent system was formed. 1849; The safety pin was patented by Walter Hunt, in New York. 1866; The American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) was chartered.
1912; Titanic set sail on its fateful voyage. 1947; Branch Rickey of the Brooklyn Dodgers announced that Jackie Robinson had signed with the team. 1963; The atomic-powered submarine Thresher sank off Cape Cod, Mass.
1970; Paul McCartney announced the official split of the Beatles. 1974; Israeli prime minister Golda Meir announced her resignation. 1998; The Northern Ireland "Good Friday Accord" was reached.
2003; The U.S. House passed the "Amber Alert" bill. It provided a system for alerting the public about missing or abducted children.
Picture Of The Day: Playin' in the mud......
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My first wife wasn't a very good cook. She got a little better later on in life when she figured out that the smoke alarm wasn't a timer. 2) If I had known the difference between antidote and anecdote, my friend Timmy would still be alive today. He got bitten by a rattlesnake and I read him humorous stories from Reader's Digest. 3) I was once pulled over for drinking while driving. I accused them of "profiling" because, as it turned out, they were stopping every car driving down that particular sidewalk. 4) I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. 5) Hide and go pee is one of the favorite games at my Uncle's retirement home.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 10th: Destiny awaits you and is waiting with open arms to welcome you into the clubhouse of love. Everything is going perfectly and nothing is going to spoil it until later on this month when that terrible thunderstorm hits. Check your home owners insurance policy, just in case.
Birthdays: Matthew C. Perry, naval officer 1794, William Booth, religious leader 1829, Joseph Pulitzer, American newspaper publisher 1847, Frances Perkins, U.S. Secretary of Labor 1882, Dolores Huerta labor leader 1930.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, getting blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has aspirated the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?" The woman replied. "No, divorce attorney."
An older man named Harry Lipschitz went before a judge to legally change his name. The judge said, "I can see the reasoning behind your desire to change your name, sir. What would you like to change it to?" Harry said, "Murray Lipschitz."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the "R!" We missed the "R!" We missed the "R!" His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was celebrate."
A drunk goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks the drunk if he would like to play a game of darts. The bartender says three bull's-eyes wins a prize. The game costs a dollar for three darts.
The drunk agrees and throws the first dart: A bull's-eye! The drunk downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet and throws.Two bulls eyes! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go with the last dart. Three bulls eyes!
All are astounded. No one has ever won. The bartender searches for a prize. He grabs a turtle from the bar's terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.
Three weeks later, the drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again. To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.
The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself and a bit short of memory, doesn't know what to give, and he asks the drunk "Say, what did you win the last time?" The drunk responds "A roast beef sandwich on a hard roll."
A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a woman with a particularly large diamond ring. As he admired the ring, the bartender came over and said, "That's the Glopman diamond. It's beautiful, but it comes with a curse." The man asked, "What's the curse?" The bartender replied, "Mrs. Glopman."
That's it for today, my little chicklets. Remember, do not allow tequila to be your downfall. The worm does not justify the hangover. I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour.
That's it for now. More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !