Monday, August 11, 2014
Actor Robin Williams Dies In Apparent Suicide
Oscar winner and comedian Robin Williams died this morning at age 63. Williams was found dead in his home. Authorities say the apparent cause of death was suicide. Williams was best known for his starring roles in classic comedies like Mrs. Doubtfire, Good Morning Vietnam and Jumanji.
He won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Dr. Sean Maguire in Good Will Hunting. He rose to fame while playing Mork the alien in the TV show Mork and Mindy, a Happy Days spinoff.
While his publicist wouldn’t confirm that his death was a suicide, a rep did issue this statement: "Robin Williams passed away this morning. He has been battling severe depression of late. This is a tragic and sudden loss. The family respectfully asks for their privacy as they grieve during this very difficult time."
On a personal note, I met Robin Williams at Harrah's Casino while on a skiing trip to Heavenly Valley in Lake Tahoe. He was playing blackjack and was surrounded by people listening to his constant jokes and one-liners. Other than Jonathon Winters, Williams was the best improvisational humorist and comedian I ever seen.
The world has lost a comedic genius and I deeply regret that depression got the better of him. He was one of a kind! Rest in peace, Mr. Williams.
The News As I See It: Obama is planning to break up his vacation in Martha's Vineyard by returning to D.C. for two days for meetings. Funny, he criticized Congress for going on vacation just before...he went on vacation.
CNN is being sued after one of its correspondents got drunk and bit two paramedics. The good news is, CNN finally has a story worth talking about.
Timex announced that it's creating a new smart watch that can track your speed, distance, and GPS. People said, "Does it tell time?" Timex said, "I knew we forgot something!"
This Date In History: 1909; Arapahoe became the first American ship to use the S.O.S. distress signal. 1934; The first inmates arrived at the federal prison on Alcatraz Island in San Francisco Bay.
1952; King Hussein of Jordan ascended the throne after his father had been declared mentally unfit. 1954; More than seven years of fighting in Indochina formerly ended with the cessation of French control.
1956; Abstract artist Jackson Pollock died in an automobile accident. 1960; Chad gained its independence from France. 1965; Following the arrest of a young black motorist, the predominately black neighborhood of Watts in Los Angeles erupted in riots that lasted six days and left 34 dead.
2003; Charles Taylor, president of Liberia, formally relinquished his office to Moses Blah and left for Nigeria.
Picture Of The Day: A star among stars.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal women were. 2) I roasted a duck last night, but I don't think he got all the jokes. 3) My blonde lady friend thinks "innuendo" is an Italian suppository. 4) The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2012. 5) The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 11th: The computer you are using has forbidden you entry as it deems your horoscope for today is too scary. As a result, we will give you tomorrow's horoscope (which ain't much better):
Many of the people you admire are going to have incredible fortune this week. It turns out that the anti-stalking court orders they've filed against you are completed. Fear not, the remainder of the week looks promising.
Birthdays: Friedrich Ludwig Jahn, father of gymnastics 1778, Robert Ingersoll, orator 1833, Carrie Jacobs Bond, songwriter 1862, Louise Bogan, poet and critic 1897, Lloyd Nolan, actor 1902, Alex Haley, author 1921, Steve Wozniak, entrepreneur 1950.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?" Little Johnny replied, "I'm in love." Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?" Little Johnny said, "With you!"
The teacher smiled and gently said, "But Johnny, don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday, but I don't want a child." Little Johnny said reassuringly, "Don't worry, I'll use a condom!"
An older couple (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off. They share each other's values, enjoy the same joke and find pleasure in each other's company. After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage. She appears hesitant and decides to probe her soon-to-be a little.
The old woman says, "Perhaps I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but how's your health?" The old man says, "It's OK. I'm not getting any younger, but I don't have any major health problems. I can still enjoy life".
The old woman continues, "Well, I don't want to be a snoop, but I've got to protect myself. How are you fixed financially?" The old man answers, "So-so. I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable. You don't have to worry about me sponging off you. I can support myself."
The little old lady blushes, and finally asks her swain, "And how's your sex life...." The old man says, "Infrequently." The widow ponders this for a moment, then asks, "And is that one word or two?"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it.
Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
The nuns pleaded, "Mother, please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."
A farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what’s that under your arm?" The old farmer said, "That’s my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes." The ticket agent said, "We don’t allow animals in the theater."
The irritated old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
Mildred whispered, "Marge, I think this guy next to me is a pervert." Marge replied, "What makes you think that?" Mildred whispered, "He unzipped his pants and is exposing himself."
Marge said, "Well, don’t worry about it, At our age we’ve seen them all." Mildred said, "Yeah, but this one is eating my popcorn."
That's it for today, my little silversmiths. Remember, eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye. Of course, there's always that chance that you might also end up with a girlfriend that looks like Olive Oyl.
More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !