Wednesday, March 9, 2016

I'm Absent Minded. Also, I'm Absent Minded

My newest trick is to put things in juxtaposed places. Today I put Samantha's empty food can on the floor and her food into the garbage, plate and all. Fortunately, it was peanut butter side up, so I was able to salvage it.

Frankly, most of the time, things like this amuse me. But putting things in the wrong places can also result in major problems. I have a secret hiding place where I have stored a $100 dollar bill. The only problem is that I have no idea where my secret hiding place is.

Years ago, I found myself standing in front of the dirty clothes hamper preparing to urinate. Fortunately, I caught myself in time. As I stood there trying to figure out why I was there, I noticed the toilet lid was down.

I lifted the lid and saw my socks floating in the water. Of course, that was back in the day of barhopping until the wee hours, so I know what caused the confusion.

Over the years, I have resorted to writing things down in different places. All the information is the same, but it also serves as a map to find other forgotten locations.

I have decided that my mind is just a computer using Windows 7 and I'm trying to continually store more information that the computer is willing and able to store.

Bobby and father "Shorty" back in the day.

On a sad note: Auto Racing legend Bobby Johns passed away last night at the age of 83. Bobby successfully raced in both Nascar and Indycar races but his racing roots were developed in the greater Miami area.

I had the pleasure of knowing Bobby and his father, Shorty, and enjoyed watching Bobby in the early days racing at all the local speedways. Rest in peace, Bobby,

The News As I See It: In Sunday night's Democratic debate, Hillary Clinton said that several times a day, she speaks to God. but never for under $100,000.

There were more caucuses and primaries last weekend. Donald Trump and Ted Cruz each won two states. Rubio won Puerto Rico. Bernie Sanders won a few states. Hillary Clinton won big in Louisiana. Everyone went home with a win letter just like soccer camp. Even John Kasich got one for participation.

This Date In History: 1796; Napoleon Bonaparte married Josephine de Beauharnais, widow of a former French officer executed during the revolution. 1841; The Supreme Court ruled that the Amistad slaves were free.

1862; The first battle between two ironclad ships, the Monitor (Union) and Merrimack (Confederate) occurred, revolutionizing naval warfare. 1933; The special session of Congress known as the "100 days" opened, launching FDR's New Deal.

1964; U.S. Supreme Court issued N.Y. Times v. Sullivan ruling. 1990; Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as both the first Hispanic and woman to be U.S. surgeon general.

Picture Of The Day: Bobby Johns and famed mechanic Smokey Yunnick at Indianapolis Motor Speedway

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. 2) Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can muffle the sound. 3) Couples who have been married a long time start finishing each others sentences. The most popular ending being, "Shut the f*ck up!" 4) There is no "we" in "bacon. 5) Last weekend, during a routine cleanup, park crews discovered a cannon from the Revolutionary War that was still loaded. Old, loaded and ready to go — just like me before a karaoke show......and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 8th: Chew the cud with some friends today. Their inane chatter may amuse you. The randomness of the universe may affect you today as you search for meaning in a cornflake that looks a lot like your ex-mother-in-law.

Birthdays: Leland Stanford, American railroad builder 1824, Victoria Mary Sackville-West, writer 1892, Yuri Gagarin, cosmonaut 1934, Raul Julia, actor 1940, Bobby Fischer, chess grandmaster 1943.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: There's a new study about women and how they feel about their asses. The results are very interesting.

Thirty percent of the women feel that their ass is too fat. Ten percent of the women feel that their ass is too skinny.

The remaining sixty percent say they don't care. They love him, he is a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

A man in South Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."

The passerby asked, "But what’s with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down, they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

The coroner says to the inspector, "The first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

The Coroner says, "The second body is a twenty-five-year-old Scotsman who won a thousand pounds on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. He died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" The coroner says, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob is a thirty-year-old-man from Kentucky and was struck by lightning."

The inspector asks, "Why is he smiling then?" The coroner replied, "He thought he was having his picture taken."

A Republican was campaigning across the South and his travels took him to a rural area in the Smokey Mountains which was not known to be Republican.

He stopped by a farm to do some campaigning and when the farmer learned that he was a Republican, his jaw dropped and he said, "Wait right here 'til I go get Ma. She's never seen a Republican before."

While waiting on the farmer to return, the candidate looked around to find a podium to make his speech. The only thing he could find was a large pile of manure. The farmer returned with his wife and the candidate climbed up on the mound and made his speech.

When he finished, the farmer said, "You know, that's the first time I ever heard a Republican make a speech." The candidate replied, "Well, that's the first time I ever made a Republican speech from a Democratic platform."

That's it for today, my little sweet potatoes. Remember, a good discussion is like a miniskirt. Short enough to maintain interest and long enough to cover the subject. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Don't worry about that mind thing. It won't last over 40-50 years@! ;-)

How neat to have known Bobby Johns. I know that must have given you a good feeling of comraderie. Sorry to hear of his death. I have heard the name many time.

I like Billy Bob, always prepared!

shadowfire said...

Re: Windows 7 - Ha!! Be careful with the upgrades... They can cause viruses...

Im particular to Windows XP. Mainly because it calls for easy to remember acronyms...

~ shadowfire ~