Super Tuesday: Odds And Ends (Mostly Odd)

Hillary and The Donald did well. The Republican elite have formed a Super PAC in an attempt to dump Trump. Cruz took his home state and Rubio did poorly as he continued his childish parroting of the phrase "con man". He will probably lose Florida.

I switched back and forth between Fox News and CNN and both covered the elections well. As the hand writing slowly but surely appeared on the wall, I looked to other channels for a bit of humor.

I dislike the winning (and losing) speeches because they each have their own spin of why they did or didn't win. Moreover, Hillary's manly voice makes me nauseous.

As for the anti-Trump Super PAC, it may well be, "too little, too late". The mere thought of this type of action by any party against any candidate, disgusts me.

Should they be successful. I would encourage Trump to run on a third party ticket. If that is not possible, I would encourage my friends to vote for Hillary Obama just for spite and they can finish screwing the county up. But, that's just me.....

The News As I See It: Lawmakers in New Hampshire are now backing a bill that would make it illegal for women to expose their breasts in public because they say it could hurt tourism. New Orleans said, "You sure about that?"

Why do Americans call yesterday's elections Super Tuesday? Do they even know what the word "super" means? Calling the primary elections "super" is like calling broccoli a "guilty pleasure."

NASA is currently recruiting people for their rest studies program in which participants will be paid $18,000 to spend 70 days in bed and smoke different types of marijuana. But so far, they've only had 10 million applicants.

This Date In History: 1836; Texas declared its independence from Mexico. 1877; Rutherford B. Hayes was declared president by a U.S. electoral commission since the original result was too close to call. He was the only president elected this way. 1917; Puerto Rico became a U.S. territory and Puerto Ricans gained American citizenship.

1923; The first issue of Henry Luce's TIME magazine appeared on newsstands. 1933; King Kong, starring Fay Wray, premiered in New York City. 1949; Captain James Gallagher completed the first non-stop around the world flight. He completed the 23,452-mile journey in 94 hours, 1 minute.

1956; Morocco gained independence from France. 1962; Philadelphia Warriors center Wilt Chamberlain scored an NBA-record 100 points in a basketball game. 2001; The Taliban began the destruction of ancient Buddha statues in Afghanistan.

2008; Dmitri A. Medvedev, a former aide to Russian president Vladimir Putin who has never held elected office, won the Russian presidential election in a landslide. Putin remained in a position of power, serving as Medvedev's prime minister.

Picture Of The Day: The media had a field day with Chris Christie's blank stare as Trump gave his winner's speech. In Christie's defense, when you have to remain on stage during another person's speech, it's not easy being the potted plant on the stage.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Some people have things called wrinkles which are similar to my character lines. 2) Sometimes I get really lonely, especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee. 3) New studies have found that people who snore have a higher risk of accidental death. In most cases, however, the spouse will smother them with the pillow long before any accidents happen. 4) Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.  5) On a traffic light, yellow means yield and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite. Yellow means go ahead, green means stop and red means this is an apple, dummy.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 2nd: Be careful today as you may find yourself in an elevator with someone who really loves beans. Chance of romance is 61 percent excluding anyone you might encounter in an elevator.

Birthdays: Samuel Houston, frontier hero and statesman 1793, Dr. Seuss, author of children's books 1904, Mikhail Gorbachev, political leader 1931, Tom Wolfe, journalist and novelist 1931, John Irving, writer 1942, Jon Bon Jovi, musician 1962.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: My friend and I went to a restaurant for lunch and I wanted to order a club sandwich, but I'm not even a member. I said to my friend, "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." He said, "Well, so do I!"

I told him, "Then, let's form a club." He answered, "OK, but we need some more stipulations. Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again. Yes, four triangles, arranged in a circle and in the middle, we will dump potato chips."

I said, "How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" He replied, "I'm for 'em!" I said, "Well, this club is formed!"

Joe Bob, Jim Bob and Billy Bob are greeted in heaven by St. Peter. "We have only one rule," he says. "Never step on a duck" But upon passing through the Pearly Gates, they're surrounded by thousands of ducks, and Joe Bob steps on one. The duck quacks and soon, all the ducks are quacking.

St. Peter admonishes, "I warned you not to step on a duck." He shackles Joe Bob to a ferocious looking 260 lbs Amazon woman for all eternity. Jim Bob steps on a duck and gets tethered forever to a Brute 6 foot 6 redheaded Viking woman.

Billy Bob thinks, poor ole Joe Bob and Jim Bob. And learns to watch his step. So St. Peter chains him to an absolutely gorgeous girl. Billy Bob exclaims, "Wow! What did I do to deserve this?"

The buxom beauty says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An old man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."

Bill replied, "But doctor, I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?" After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."

Bill asked excitedly, "And that will cure me?" The doctor replied, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden .....Poof!

In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life. Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!" Then Poof!.....she was gone.

After Dave got a hold of himself, he hollered to his friend, "Fred, where are you?" Fred yells back, "I'm over here, in the pussy willows." Dave yells back, "Don't swing Fred, don't swing!!"

That's it for today, my little rose petals. Remember, mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

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