Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Debbie Does Philadelphia

I skip watching the conventions live and listen to the television summations, mostly because it's like watching a bad infomercial. Moreover, I can avoid the morons and listen to the better speakers. One can be sure that it's all smoke and mirrors.

Since all politicians are liars, the entire production has no real substance. That said, I was able to avoid listening to the likes of Nancy Pelosi and other morons. Additionally, WikiLeaks spared me the torture of seeing and listening to Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

There are some democrats and republicans that I avoid, but last night's "Love Story" speech by Bill Clinton amused me as he gushed over how he met Hillary and professed his love for her. Of course, he neglected to mention his numerous affairs with other women

Tonight's speeches should be fun, with Obama giving the final speech. I have no desire to listen to his speech but again, I was amused today, when he said that Donald Trump had no foreign policy knowledge or experience. I assume that Obie forgot that he was an unknown community organizer who went on to the presidency, where he, too, had no foreign policy knowledge or experience.

Two final thoughts today. First, the IRS announced today that they are investigating the Clinton Foundation for fraud and other charges, Secondly (and the most fun), Joe Biden will also speak tonight and I'll be waiting for one of his usual foot-in-mouth gaffes. Joe is becoming charming in his own peculiar way.

The News As I See It: Obama appeared on Face the Nation last Sunday and said of Hillary Clinton, "She's not always flashy and there are better speech makers, but she knows her stuff." Man, I’d hate to see Obama set somebody up on a blind date... "She’s got one wonky eye and she talks too much, but you don’t wanna die alone, do you?"

Bernie Sanders spoke at the Democratic National Convention. Sanders' speech was interrupted by dozens of applause breaks and three pee breaks.

Hillary Clinton’s main task this week was to divert attention from leaked DNC emails and other negative press. Hillary’s going to begin her speech with the rousing first line, "Hey, Look, There’s a Pok√©mon!"

This Date In History: 1861; Union general George B. McClellan was put in command of the Army of the Potomac during the Civil War. 1940; Billboard magazine published its first singles record chart (for the week of July 20). 1953; An armistice was signed ending the Korean War.

1974; The House Judiciary Committee voted to impeach Richard Nixon for obstructing justice in the Watergate case. 1995; The Korean War Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC.

1996; A pipe bomb exploded in an Atlanta park during the Olympic Games. 2003; Lance Armstrong won his fifth straight Tour de France, tying Miguel Indurain's record. 2012; The 2012 Summer Olympics began in London.

Picture Of The Day: Scooter is growing.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) As an ultimate act of selflessness, someday I will travel to a 3rd world country and adopt a small, less fortunate highway. 2) You can tell by a woman's feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you. 3) Thanks, spell check, that's exactly what I meant: Edgar Allen Pie. 4) The lady at the massage parlor asked if I wanted a happy ending, I said yes and then she proceeded to tell me the plot of Homeward Bound.  5) Sorry about the auto-correct typos lately. I just got a Facebook invitation to my brother's non-alcoholic Mormon wedding. I don't know which part of that sentence makes me want to cry more.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - July 27th: Loving care is something that people write on shampoo bottles. What you need is a good hard drink. A beautiful woman will turn your head today and make you wonder whether you're as committed as you ought to be.

Birthdays: Alexandre Dumas, French dramatist and novelist 1824, Leo Durocher, baseball player 1905, Norman Lear, television producer 1922, Bharati Mukherjee, writer 1940, Peggy Fleming, ice skater 1948.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science and Nature.

Her question was: "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

A man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking account." To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"

The man says, "Listen up, dammit, I said I want to open a freakin' checking account right now." The teller said, "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"

The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"

The man says, "There's no damn problem. I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a freakin' checking account in this damn bank!"The manager says, "I see, sir, and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Earl and Bubba, two good old boys from Dixie are quietly sitting in a boat fishing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoke to me in over 2 months."

Earl smiles, sips his beer and says, "You better think it over, Bubba. Women like that are hard to find."

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa you need to fix the outhouse!" Pa replies, "There ain't nothing wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is now get out there and fix it."

So, Pa goes out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "There ain't nothing wrong with the outhouse!" Ma replies "Stick your head in the hole!" Pa yells back "I ain't sticking my head in that hole!" Ma says, "You have to stick your head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma there ain't nothing wrong with this outhouse!" Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, " Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!" To which Ma replies "Hurts, don't it?!"

That's it for today, my little pork chops. Remember, women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Very good opening. Again another good read thanks for the entertainment. My red wine is on my keyboard after reading "Hurts don't it?"