Friday, July 8, 2016
You Gotta Be Kitten Me
My cats, Samantha and Scooter, are now friends and play together, although when Sam tires of Scooter's shenanigans, she seeks higher ground for a break. Their new game is chasing each other all over the house and across my chest at 3 am.
I have attempted to take pictures of the "chase" but as cat lovers know, cats don't pose. If you take ten shots, you're lucky if one comes out decent. Nevertheless, I continue to try, hoping I get lucky.
Scooter is growing like a weed and slowly becoming a brat. That is until he oversteps his boundaries and Sam gives him a good swat or two. Still, he's a growing boy and he just shakes it off, lays low for a few seconds and returns to play again.
I must admit that they are entertaining to watch and I'm trying to get a good video of the two, but that's easier said than done.
The News As I See It: Hillary Clinton was cleared of charges in the investigation of her deleted emails, but her actions were described by the FBI as "extremely reckless." However in her defense, the report pointed out that she was Hillary reckless, not Bill reckless.
Bernie Sanders is reportedly going to endorse Hillary Clinton next week. Bernie said, "I was going to do it sooner but I thought I’d wait 'til everyone hated me."
Marvel announced that the next Iron Man will be an African-American woman. However, in keeping with Hollywood tradition, she will still be played by Robert Downey Jr.
This Date In History: 1776; The first public reading of the Declaration of Independence was given in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. 1777; Vermont became the first colony to abolish slavery. 1889; The Wall Street Journal began publication.
1950; General Douglas MacArthur was named commander-in-chief of the United Nations forces in Korea. 1958; The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) awarded the first official gold album. It was for the Oklahoma soundtrack. 1986; Kurt Waldheim was inaugurated as president of Austria.
2011; The space shuttle Atlantis launches into space for the last time from the Kennedy Space Center. It is the 135th and final flight of the space shuttle program, which started in 1981. For its final mission, the Atlantis is carrying 8,000 lbs of spare parts and supplies to the International Space Station. The space shuttle program officially ends when the Atlantis returns two weeks later.
Picture Of The Day: Sorry Obie, no illegal aliens allowed in AREA 51.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes, I don't think this relationship is going to work. 2) Hockey is more tolerable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo. 3) They should make a reality show called, "So You've Been Drinking and You Think You Can Dance?" 4) The Lego Movie should have been about parents walking in the dark and screaming obscenities after stepping on Legos. 5) Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Cancer - July 8th: Your task today is to keep these words in mind: Give a liberal a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a liberal to fish, he'll add to the global over-depletion of the oceans, then complain about global warming while he cashes his government check at the liquor store, so just give him the damned fish.
Birthdays: Jean de La Fontaine. poet 1621, Joseph Chamberlain, statesman 1836, Ferdinand Zeppelin, airship inventor and builder 1838, John D. Rockefeller, American industrialist and philanthropist 1839, Nelson A. Rockefeller, public official 1908, Julia Carson, politician 1938, Anjelica Huston, actress 1951, Kevin Bacon, actor 1958.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost 70 years.
While the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names." His buddy replied, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
Two cows were grazing on the side of a hill and one turned to the other and said, "Mooo." The other cow replied, "Damn, I was just going to say that."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man picked up his lovely date at her parent's home. He had saved enough money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered shrimp cocktail, foie gras, lobster and Dom Perignon champagne, the most expensive items on the menu.
He asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?" She replied, "No, but my mother's not expecting sex tonight." He asked, "What would you like for dessert?"
A blonde female motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. He walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" She replied, "Yes, do you need a lift?"
The truck driver said, "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already, so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them over to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble.” The blonde said, "Sure, I'd be happy to."
The two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's SUV. They were carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went. Five hours later the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street holding hands with the two chimps much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. He said, "What are you doing here? I gave you $100 to take these monkeys to the zoo!" The blonde replied, "Yes, I know you did, but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
That's it for today, my little dandy lions. Remember, sometimes auto-correct can be your worst enema. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !