Happy Saint Patrick's Day !

I had the pleasure of going to AREA 51 for dinner and drinks last night with my childhood pal, Victor and his lovely wife Karen. We went to "The Alibi" restaurant which was formerly "Krystel's Restaurant and Lounge." Aside from the pleasure of the company, we went to see a mutual friend who has a jazz band that plays there on Tuesday nights. Unfortunately, they moved the jazz band to Thursday nights and they now have karaoke on Tuesday nights.

Still, they had a decent crowd for a Tuesday and the karaoke singers were enjoyable. We had appetizers of tostones (fried green bananas) topped with baby shrimp in a cream sauce. I had the Mahi Mahi for dinner and Victor and Karen had spinach wraps. It was an excellent evening as we caught up with news about old friends and relived some memorable times in the past.

May St. Patrick guard you wherever you go and guide you in whatever you do and may his loving protection be a blessing to you always.

The News As I See It: The Chicago River was dyed green in honor of St. Patrick’s Day. Also in honor of St. Patrick’s Day, New York’s East River will remain green. Government officials are warning spring breakers about violence from Mexican drug gangs. They say to stay out of L.A. Facebook is going to open its first offices in India. Indian Facebook is a little different. Under "Help," it just says "Seriously? You live in India. You fix it yourself."

President O'Bama (he's Black Irish today), in his weekly radio and Internet address, called for an overhaul of the "No Child Left Behind" law. It will now be called, "The World Needs Janitors Too." Obama also talked about health care reform at a senior center in Strongsville, Ohio. The most common question he got was "When’s bingo?" Obama announced that he will establish two brain trusts to double U.S. exports over the next five years. You know what our leading export is right now? Jobs.

The Journal of Neurology reports that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop Parkinson's disease. Remember, a couple of months ago, doctors said drinking a glass of alcohol every day was good for your heart. Smoking prevents Parkinson's disease. Marijuana is good for glaucoma. Sex is good for your prostate. Screw health care. Let's party !

This Date In History: 1762; The first St. Patrick's Day parade was held in New York City. 1776; British forces evacuated Boston during the Revolutionary War. 1870; Wellesley Female Seminary (later Wellesley College) received its charter from the Massachusetts legislature.

1942; Gen. Douglas MacArthur became supreme commander of Allied forces in the southwest Pacific theater during World War II. 1963; Mount Agung on Bali erupted, killing 1,184 people. 1969; Golda Meir was sworn in as prime minister of Israel. 2003; President Bush delivered an ultimatum to Saddam Hussein: leave Iraq within 48 hours or face an attack.

Picture Of The Day: You wouldn't expect anything less than a Saint Valentine's Day theme, would you? It was tough to choose between a plethora of excellent pictures on the Internet, but I settled on the one's which amused me the most. I hope you enjoy them.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The reason leprechauns laugh when they run is because the grass tickles their balls. 2) Being Irish, I'm going celebrate in my backyard this afternoon and sit down with Paddy O'Furniture. 3) My doctor was puzzled and told me "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Jimmy. I think it must be drinking." I told him, "Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober." 4) My pal, O'Malley told me that that his wife was driving him to drink. He's lucky, my ex-wife made me walk ! 5) The Irish Jig began when Irishmen had too many drinks and not enough restrooms.....and that's five !

May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, May the sunshine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields and, Until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Birthdays: Roger Taney, American jurist, fifth Chief Justice of the United States (1836–64) 1711, James Bridger, mountain man 1804, Kate Greenaway, illustrator and watercolorist 1846, Gloria Swanson, actress 1899, Bayard Rustin, civil rights activist 1912, Nat "King" Cole, singer 1919, Rudolf Nureyev, ballet dancer 1938.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears. He says, "So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. Me dear wayward husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put that damn gun down.'"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt and my pal Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. Father O'Rafferty said, "And how is Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry you two years ago?" She replied "Aye, that you did, Father." Father O'Rafferty said, "And be there any little ones yet?" Mrs. O'Donovan said, "No, not yet, Father." Father O'Rafferty said, "Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." Mrs. O'Donovan said. "Oh, thank you, Father," and away she went.

Some years later they met again. The Father said, "Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan, how are you?" Mrs. O'Donovan said, "Oh, very well." Father O'Rafferty said, "Tell me, have you any little ones yet?" Mrs. O'Donovan "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all." Father O'Rafferty said, "Now isn't that wonderful. And how is your husband?" Mrs. O'Donovan "Oh, he's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."

It's Saint Patrick's Day and an armed, hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave, Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy without hesitation!

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor. The robber screams, "Did anyone else see my face?!" There is a few moments of silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, "I think me wife may have caught a glimpse."

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were discussing different pubs. The Scotsman said,"As good as this is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." The Englishman said, "Well, Angus, at my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

The Irishman said, "Ahhh, that's nothin'. Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. The asked the Irishman, "Did this actually happen to you?" The Irishman, "Not meself personally, but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

May you always have walls for the winds, a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you and all your heart might desire.

That's it for today my little leprechauns. Remember, As you climb the ladder of success, check occasionally to make sure it is leaning against the right wall. It's St. Paddy's day and time for Happy hour. What better reason to head to AREA 51 and see my friend Erin-go-bragh-less. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Saint Patrick Banished Snakes From Ireland - We Should Harness That Ability With Our Government !

Well, tomorrow's Saint Patrick's Day and I'd like to start things off by wishing a Happy Saint Patrick's Day to your pal and mine, Irish Barry O'Bama. Barry's been busting his ass trying to spend our money as fast as he can and that's not an easy task. It seems Barry thinks he's found the pot o'gold and since he's been running the show, all his Irish friends and family are, or soon will be, reaping the rewards.

To the Irish, it's a good reason to party, assuming you've got a any money left. Actually, it's a good reason to party no matter where your forefathers came from and a reasonable excuse for getting home later than usual. Personally, I drink when I pick up my dry cleaning and to Potato Week, so for me, it's just another reason to head to AREA 51 and hang out with my pals.

AIG just announced they are going to give out over 165 million dollars in bonuses this year. This is after the government just gave them another shitload of bailout money. AIG says they are legally bound to give the bonuses. My question is why didn't our new government for "change" bother to ask them if they were legally bound to give out bonuses before the funded them with bailout money?

I would have asked that question first and if they said they were legally bound to give out the bonuses, I'd have told them to forget about they bailout. If they have enough money to pay bonuses for half-ass work, they don't need a bailout! But, that's just me.

Though my surname is Irish, I'm actually Irish-French and my maternal forefather came to America from Paris, France, in 1683. God only knows what happened after that, but from that side of the family alone, there are Irish, Scottish, British, Welsh and French surnames. On my Irish side, we were unable to trace our roots past my great-grandfather as most of the bars and taverns have since been sold or folded.

This Date In History: 1850; Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter is published. 1872; The first English FA cup is won by Wanderers, beating the Royal Engineers. 1926; American scientist Robert H. Goddard launches the first successful liquid-fuelled rocket. 1968; United States soldiers massacre hundreds of men, women, and children at the village of My Lai, in South Vietnam. 1976; Harold Wilson resigns as prime minister.

Picture Of The Day: Irish green is the obvious theme for today's pictures and I even talked the Eagle into getting in on the act. This is not an easy task as the Eagle does as he likes and when he likes. I was able to blackmail him though because of a picture I have of him in one of his amorous moments.

It seems that eagles can only procreate while soaring high. The eagle couple pair up, then fall toward the ground at an unbelievable speed as they make love. As Miss Eagle and Mister Eagle were in the act of making love, she looked down and realized that she was dangerously close to dying, so she faked it. Mister Eagle no longer boasts about his love making abilities.

Birthdays: James Madison, fourth president of the United States 1751, George Simon Ohm, German physicist 1787, Rosa Bonheur, French painter 1822, Sully Prudhomme, French poet and Nobel laureate 1839, Émile Cammaerts, Belgian poet 1878, Bernardo Bertolucci, Italian film director 1940.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have. 2) I abhor discussions or debates where one side makes their point of view, then constantly (and loudly) interrupts the other side's point of view. As a moderator, I would stand up and slap the offending party upside his head. 3) I am sympathetic to one's plight until I hear it for the tenth time. After that, I simply tell them I to go tell someone who actually gives a shit. 4) I'm really tired of people trying to be politically correct instead of telling the truth about how they actually feel. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a hypocrite. 5) When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Paddy O'Malley had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that would sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!" Paddy asked innocently, "What makes you say that?" His wife replied, "The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, "Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martuni." The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp. "Barbender, I would like another Martuni." Again, the bartender brought her a Martini.

By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, "Barbender, your Martuni is giving me heartburn." Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, "Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martuni, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your tits are hanging in the ashtray.

That's it for today my little leprechauns. Have a Happy Saint Patrick's Day and more on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !