Monday, January 12, 2009

Some Of These Politicians Need To Be Slapped Upside The Head !

I had to be placed on injured reserved for Friday night's regular trek to AREA 51. I really wanted to go out, but my left ankle was killing me, so I had to sit the game out. I guess I probably could have gone, but every time I do something like that, there's hell to pay the next day. At any rate, I'm nursing my injury and hopefully, I'll be ready to play by game time for Hump Day.

I'm following the adventures of potential junior senator Roland Burris and his bid to represent the politically pristine state of Illinois. One thing that amuses me is his ego. Mr. Burris has prepared a mausoleum for his final resting place and it has his complete resume etched into the walls. I'm not sure that God reads resumes, but perhaps it's Burris' version of an NFL end zone dance.

Politics 2009: The elections are over and now all the politician's real personalities and their campaign promises are beginning to take their true form. Beginning with the "Anointed One", Barack Obama is now being quoted that "not all of the promises' he made will come to pass, at least for right now. If you're guessing if the question about "middle class tax cuts" is included, you'll be pleased to know that that's the first promise that will not happen.

As for John McCain, some of his most recent interviews make me think he'll soon be ready for the home for old politicians. In his
last few appearances on some of the television shows, he seems to be doddering and a step behind. In the interim, his vice-presidential running mate, Sarah Palin, has spoken out about the biased media, anti-feminists and even the John McCain political team.

I have always disliked politicians and attorneys for the simple fact that they're liars and thieves. Every politician will promise you the world in exchange for your vote and the voters seem to believe them every election. When Barack Obama promised tax cuts for 95% of the population, I wondered how the other 5% would pay for that. According to what I learned in economics, that is a mathematical impossibility. Be that as it may, here we are in 2009 and I expect to see some shucking and jiving from all the political promises made by both parties.

Speaking of thieves, why in hell is Wall Street financier and Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff not in jail? After being arrested for bilking investors out of over 50 billion dollars and placed on bail in his 7 million dollar New York City penthouse apartment, he mailed over 1 million dollars in jewelry to friends and relatives around the world. After learning about this, the judge still let him remain "confined" to his apartment. Am I missing something here? Moreover, why hasn't someone shot the son-of-a-bitch?

This Date In History: 1895; The National Trust is founded by Octavia Hill. 1942; The Wannsee Conference determines upon the Final Solution. 1976; Dame Agatha Christie, prolific writer of mystery stories, dies in Wallingford, England, at age 85. 1997; HAL, the computer in Stanley Kubrick's movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, informs the crew that he was built on this day. 1991; The US Congress authorizes the use of military force against Iraq.

Picture Of The Day: Pride goeth before the fall? I'm not sure and resumes are a necessary part of life, but there are a few places that they just don't belong. I wonder if Roland Burris has this monument in his bedroom, as well?

My other selections for today correspond to the numerous thieves and con men who seem to be setting a trend in imagination for bilking the public. It only seems fitting that a bounty be put on the heads of these scumbags and start a new trend...steal from us and we'll simply kill you! I wonder if that would send a message?

Birthdays: Charles Perrault, poet and storyteller 1628, Edmund Burke, British statesman and orator 1729, American writer, whose work combines powerful realism and humanitarian sentiment 1876, Hermann Göring, Nazi leader 1893.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down. A monkey swings across the bar and pisses in the pint. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies, "The piano player". The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey pissed in my beer?" The pianist replies, "No, but if you hum it I'll try to play it."

A guy has problems to obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so he approves the surgery.

The doctor performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants.

His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"

That's it for today my little kid knee beans. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


garnett109 said...

Jim area 51 is going bankrupt get your ass over there and donate!

Rose said...

Oh my...I was on the floor reading about the elephant.

I don't understand why Madoff is not in jail yet myself. Don't hate attorneys too still like me right? Well, I'm retired now.....I only handled divorces....most husbands did not like me...however, some got smart and hired me before their wives did!

Hey, I noticed your photo on my girlfriend's Facebook. Cool!

What did I did you injure your foot anyway....

Hugs, Rose

Missy said...

I couldn't agree with you more about politicians! They are so full of it but people fall for their crap everytime!

Okay, the freakin' memorial for that dude has got to go. That is just ridiculous. Can we say arrogant??


Paula said...

Hope your foot is ready for dancing Wednesday night. Always look forward to your jokes.

Myra said...

Frankly, I'm shocked that you would let an injury stop you from sojourning into the wee hours of the morning! It must be a bad one...perhaps your pal, Mr. Walker (red or black, doesn't matter), can assist in nursing you back to health! That mausoleum is a joke...can you say ego? I don't know why Madoff isn't in jail, maybe someone knows!

Woody said...

Sorry to hear about the foot, take a break!!!!!

Linda's World said...

Ya, it will be interesting to see what our new President actually implements. Usually it's about
1/16th of what they promise. Sorry about your ankle. You need to take it easy, my friend. Those old muscles, ligaments & bones ain't what they used to be, don't cha know !?! Maybe you could have everybody over to your house....just a thought. Linda in Washington where it's finally drying out.

Julie said...

Madoff has been busy paying off the right people, money does talk. I agree with Rose, maybe have your perfect martini over to nurse that poor ankle. Take it easy and sit around and win in Pogo.

Julie said...

P.S. We are getting out of Obama exactly what I expected. No change, same old same old. A politician is a politician is a politician. It doesn't matter what sex or what color.

Anne said...

Awwww, the drink was delish tonight my dear. The music outstanding as usual and the jokes keep me coming back for more. Even Doc liked the one about the elephant muscle transplant.

Kelly said...

Ohhh my goodness....roflmao...I remember why I come here now...reading down the page at all I have missed. You just crack me up...I especially love the Human Bomb Class Cartoon...just hilarious! I hope you are resting and healing up. XOXO Kelly

Jude said...

Let me tell you something. As a citizen from the great State of Illinois, Roland Burris is harmless. I'm still laughing over this whole ordeal. If Rod Blagojevich could pick anyone to show up the big guys in Washington, he couldn't pick anyone less controversial than Roland Burris. I don't think we're going to see him trying to pick up male pages or reaching under washroom doors at the airport. Memorializing himself in stone might be the worst of his sins.

Love the last joke. Funny!


Pamela said...

Well said on the politicians! I couldn't agree with you more.

What did you do to your ankle? It MUST be bad to keep you home on a Friday night.
Take care Jimmy!