Monday, January 5, 2009

We'll Return To Our Story Right After These Crumby Commercials

The New Year has settled in and hopefully we're on our way towards better times. The economy is still pinching everyone's wallet and things will be tight for some time to come, but I think we're close to the bottom of the market. As I watch the advertisements on TV lately, there seems to be more scam ads being run. While the old P.T. Barnum quote "There's a sucker born every minute", is relatively true, some of these ads are downright insulting....even to a sucker!

The "Yours for only $19.95" adds are permeating the market with some of the sleaziest products and sales pitch persons I've seen in a while. Of course, if you "act now", they will double your order for the same price. This means you'll receive twice the amount of garbage that has a total value of about $4.00. They make even more money because you have to pay "shipping and handling" twice.

These "only $19.95" ads often employ the annoying monotonous voice of Billy Mays. This jerk is on the tube more than ever, hawking any and every piece of crap imaginable. Anything I see being hawked by Billy Mays goes right into the "do not purchase" category. Someone should force him to listen to his own commercials for about an hour and perhaps his tone would change occasionally

Then, there's the ugly wife of the man that owns and touts the "Cash 4 gold" company that wants to buy your "old, unwanted jew-ler-y." They don't say she's his wife in the ad but if she isn't his wife, she's his sister. The commercial is so cheaply made, you can be sure that the old, ugly broad is his wife and the younger, whining princess is his daughter.

Attorneys are coming back with newer ads and newer things to sue you for so, they must be hurting as well. It couldn't happen to a better bunch of people. The only thing in the world lower than attorneys and politicians is whale shit, which is at the bottom of the ocean.

In Miami, the scam artists are having a field day with greedy victims who they approach with a supposed winning lottery ticket. The tell the "victim" that they cannot cash the ticket because they are illegal aliens and promise to give the "victim" a large amount of "under the table" cash in exchange for cashing the ticket for them. Of course, they need a small amount of "good faith" money from the "victim". In the end, the greedy "victim" gets taken for his money and deservedly so.

Probably the saddest and most annoying advertisements are for Extenze, a theoretical pill that promises men growth of "that certain part of the male body." If you're stupid enough to buy it, then you deserve it. Aside from the fact that the company is being prosecuted in several states, greedy media types still permit this kind of advertisements. It would be funnier if the pill actually worked, but the growth in the assumed "certain part of the male body", was that the buyer had to wheel his testicles around in a wheelbarrow.

This Date In History: 1895; Richard Dreyfus is publicly cashiered (a term associated with the dismissal of military officers of high rank) in Paris. 1933; Construction begins on the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California. 1971; England and Australia play cricket's first one-day international. 1972; U.S. President Richard Nixon launches the space shuttle program.

Picture Of The Day: I had to search around for some corresponding graphics for today's entry and I stumbled across some of these animals whose poses sort of represented today's thoughts. They're a bit eclectic, but as my pal, Nancy says, so am I.

Birthdays: Special Happy Birthday wishes to AREA 51 members
Rose Jan 3rd 19XX, and Linda Jan 4th 19XX, Stephen Decatur, American naval officer 1779, Konrad Adenauer, first Chancellor of West Germany 1876, Alvin Ailey, American dancer and choreographer 1931, Umberto Eco, Italian literary scholar noted for his novel Il Nome Della Rosa (The Name of the Rose) 1932.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Urgent Bulletin:

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States and Canada that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America and Canada's supply of convenience store managers.

If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by AOL and Verizon customer service reps.

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride. A ways down the road the Truck Driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck on a direct course with the lawyer.

Then he thought "Oh no, I have a priest in the truck I can't run down this lawyer" and at the last second the Truck Driver swerved to miss the lawyer. But, the Truck Driver heard a thump outside of the truck, he looked in his rear-view mirror but didn't see anything.

He turned to the priest and said "Sorry Father, I just missed that Lawyer at the side of the road" And the priest said "Don't worry son, I got him with my door."

That's it for today my little Tiger Lillies, more on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

10 comments:

Missy said...

I make fun of that Gold Jewelry commercial everytime I see it lol.
I've never went for any of that crap and never will.. *M*

garnett109 said...

Hello Jimmy this is Vince and all I can say is SHAMWOW for $19.95 you get 4 SHAMWOWS for the house And 4 SHAMWOWS for the Garage and if you order now we will double your order and Throw in The SLAP CHOP!
Well Jimmy This is alot better than Johnny G's ads for the Handy Dandy Dashboard Douche Bag which he claims id good for colds, mold ,sore assholes ,rabbies, scabbies and crying babies and is used as a table lamp!

Rose said...

Love this entry!

Thank you for the birthday wishes. I never got to celebrate....I'm still home sick with this sinus/cold thing. Antibiotics better start kicking in soon. I need a a drink!

Hugs,Rose

Possum S. Hemmingway said...

Wow Dad, Garnett's right! You forgot about that dimwit who hawks the shamwow crappola. That freak looks like he was the receipent of cosmetic surgery!

Possum

Heli gunner Tom said...

Well, Jimmy, at least I got a few chuckles out of your post today. I am starting to see the value of your humor, finally. You certainly have your unique, witty personality and I love your choice of music.

I am glad that I found your Journal!

Warm Regards,
Tom, from Wisconsin... Brrrrrr
tschuckman@aol.com

Woody said...

Great entry, good laugh, but you didn't mention the "Slice and Dice"!!

take care

Woody

Julie said...

Oh my god Jimmy, your post just reflects my thoughts today. One other reason I gave up TV....infomercials, what a scam they are, and people pay them to slather them all over TV when they pay their cable bills, if more people would give up TV for the reasons I did, and told the right people why they gave up TV, maybe it would change. Sigh. Take care, your reflecting my mood and thoughts these days.

Linda's World said...

It seems those crappy TV commercials are getting more frequent. Don't they know the ecomony is supposed to be in the toilet? But there are people who will always scrape together twenty bucks for the crap they are hawking. Thanks for the birthday wishes...another year older~sort of scary but better than the alternative. Linda

natalie said...

happy new year Jimmy! How is Possum?
Give her a hug for me!
natalie

Jude said...

I have no problem with good 'ole Smiling Bob. He's amusing. The only one in that relationship worried about the size of his penis is him. You know how he is. He's one of those types who checks out the mirrors above the urinals in male restrooms just to compare himself to his fellow pee-ers. My problem is with AOL. When my daughter first got on the internet, she was 14. I put restrictions on her account. She wasn't allowed to enter certain web sites because of her age. It didn't stop her from getting spam advertising for Extenz and like products.

Jude