Friday, January 2, 2009

Just As Sweet As Chocolate And You Never Know What You'll Get !

The ladies all looked exceptionally beautiful this holiday season and I'm well aware of the time it takes for them to get prepare themselves and go out. I'm not just referring to the time it takes them to shower, put on make up and get dressed. There's a lot more preparation than meets the eye and most single men probably aren't aware of it.

You've never lived until the time that you encounter a member of the female species in their natural state. The young single male that stumbles upon this shy creature without make-up and the other preparational rituals that women go through would probably not recognize the same woman dressed in all her finery.

Hair is the most important thing to women and most women tint their hair. Some do it themselves and some go to a beauty salon, but most all of them do it. Then there's that "unwanted hair", or at least that's what the TV commercials say. The single men think that women just remove the hair on their legs and the "bikini area" and that's it. If they only knew!

Beginning with the feet, women remove hair all the way to the eyebrows. They use razors, tweezers, creams, bleach and the always amusing hot wax. If you think hot wax is funny, have someone apply hot wax to your chest hair or pubic hair and let them rip it out. One time will suffice! After you finish wiping the tears from your eyes and scraping the dog or cat off the ceiling, it will give you a whole new outlook on life and the added fun of explaining the missing patches of hair to your locker-room buddies.

One of my fondest memories of early encounters with a bevy of primping women was how they looked with hair in various stages of tinting, including tin foil and layers of dye on their hair. This was complimented by the seeing their toes in a little contraption that separated each toe for painting. Each Cinderella in waiting also had the obligatory "blue moustache" and painted blue arms (for bleaching) while they did each others nails.

The highlight of these get-togethers that allows the time to pass quickly is gossip (or chisme). I doubt seriously that they could spend that much time primping without gossip. The one thing that I did notice in my first encounter with the bevy of primpers was that they paid me no mind, with the exception of their conversations which changed noticeably from raucous speaking and laughter to low whispering.

This isn't new information for most older or married men, but for the young single man, there's a new reckoning on the horizon. Men, for the most part, just shower, shave, get dressed and they're ready to go. Most men have no idea of how to dress but if they're fortunate, there's a wife or girlfriend who gently and continually help them with their clothing purchases so that they don't look as goofy as they naturally are. Unfortunately, putting cologne and a silk shirt on neanderthal doesn't change him much, but as long as he doesn't speak, one would never know.

So, here's to the ladies, because they make life enjoyable and the world a more beautiful place.

It's Friday and my weekly trek to AREA 51 is in order. It will be interesting to see how many people will be out and about after New Year's Eve, but hell, they had Thursday night off and it's time to party. Methinks I'll go to the karaoke show at Lakes Cafe and Sports Bar, but then again. I never really know until I get there. We'll see.

This Date In History: 1492; The Spanish forces of King Ferdinand V and Queen Isabella I take the province of Granada from the Moors. 1757; Robert Clive retakes Calcutta from the nawab of Bengal. 1959; The Soviets launch Luna I, the first spacecraft bound for the Moon. 1993; Leaders of the warring factions meet in peace talks regarding Bosnia for the first time.

Picture Of The Day: Two of my favorite things are women and chocolate, so I thought I'd combine the two. I'm unsure as to which one is sweeter, but I know that both have a lot of calories and can be quite addictive. You can see the entire chocolate gallery at "Jimmy's Journal - The Original" by clicking the link on my sidebar or the link provided below.

Birthdays: James Wolfe, British general 1727, Philip Freneau, American poet 1752, Michael Tippett, British composer 1905, David Bailey, British photographer 1938.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Garnett and my pal Jerry for today's stories.

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

The widow replied, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."

A man was traveling the world when he came upon a beautiful little bar in a rural area of Ireland. Perfect scene with green pastures and everything being made of wood. When the man entered he was surprised to see only the bartender. After ordering a beer the man began to feel uncomfortable from the cold stare of the bartender.

Finally the bartender approached the man and said, "Ya see all these chairs in this bar. I built them with my bare hands. But do ya see them callin' me the chair maker? No!" The bartender drank a shot and continued, "Ya see that fence surroundin' this bar. I built them with my bare hands. But do ya hear them callin' me the fence maker? Do ya? No!"

After another shot the bartender continued, "Ya see this whole bar. I built it with my bare hands. But do ya see them callin' me the bar maker? No!" Slamming down another shot, the bartender yelled, "But you screw one goat.........!"

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”

That's it for today my little Candy Kisses. Have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Linda's World said...

What an informative entry. Just kidding, I knew all those things. I've actually been getting my eyebrows waxed for over 30 years. When you're nearly blind without glass it's hard to pluck them yourself. It doesn't hurt anymore or maybe I'm just used to it. And I love going out to the nail place & getting a pedicure with those little thingys between my toes. Have a good weekend. Wow~I'm impressed, you've got stamina...all the partying you've done in the last couple weeks. Did you remember to feed PSH? (Gabi wanted to know). Linda in WA where we got more snow last night.

garnett109 said...

If they start shaving their backs in my opinion we must be in the wrong bar!

Rose said...

I'm quite impressed that you have gained so much knowledge of what a woman goes through before going out on the town! It is a heck of a lot of work for sure.

Have a fun weekend!

Hugs, Rose

Julie said...

What a loving tribute to the female sex from a great admirer of them and I love the shots. The photographer in me wants to know how to get that effect, LOL. Loved the jokes.

Paula said...

Nice of you to pay such close attention or did you read about it somewhere?

Joann said...

WOW, Jimmy, I'm really impressed!! What a complimenting entry to us, females!! I don't think I've ever met a guy who knew or even cared, as long as they reap the benefits... LOL!!! Thank you, Jimmy!!! Have fun at Area 51!!

Myra said...

You, my friend, are a true gentleman. Not only are you aware of our vanity, you appreciate it as well...maybe you can give lessons to your pals!

Martha said...

Just stopping by to wish you a Happy New year Jimmy! Sorry I haven't made it by sooner, been sick. Sounds like you had enough fun for both of us over the holiday season - 8am!? I don't know if I could still do that these days. I'm Impressed! :-)

Missy said...

Thank you for recognizing what women put themselves through as well as appreciating it.

My boyfriend just gets aggravated when I take to long lol.


Bethe said...

Little Candy Kisses! I love it : )
I tried the waxing...I never know I could string so many 4 letter words together. I guess I am lucky to be so light, none of that bleaching and hair color. I just get my toes painted, hair cut and I'm outta there!

Loved your entry....

Alan said...

Was reading your blog and just wanted to invite you to visit Robot Nine. My blog has daily images and stuff, always something interesting and intruiging ngoing up. January 7 is a new Picture Puzzle, lots of fun and you can win a used book!

Woody said...

Women, Ya can't live with em and ya can't live without em!!!!!