Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Young Loves: Back In The Day

I sometimes reminisce about young loves and ofttimes wonder, what might have been? I'm usually able to answer my own questions but there are times that I think about what I'd like to refer to as "close calls." Most of my teenage loves can easily be thought of as typical teenage puppy love but once I got into my twenties, it became apparent that some of the girls were literally "playing for keeps."

I've never like being cornered and there were occasions that my girlfriend at the time would stare off into the distance and her next words were "Have you ever thought about getting married and having children?" The first time this question came up in my life, I really had no good answer. My mouth said, "Yes" and my mind said, "Are you crazy?"

From what I could ascertain, at that time of my life, getting married was very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other guy has, you wish you had ordered that. As for kids, my thoughts were that having children was like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

Nevertheless, there were several times that I came close to getting married at a young age and I occasionally think about those times. Hell, a friend of mine almost married a woman with a wooden leg....but he broke it off. I do admire people who married young, had children and were able to stay married all their lives. I've thought about that, but I'm happy with how everything turned out in my life. But, that's just me.....

The News As I See It: The Department of Justice shut down the biggest online poker sites for violating the law. None of the poker players saw it coming because they were all wearing those stupid little sunglasses.

President Obozo released his 2010 tax return. It turns out that he made $1.7 million and spent $14 trillion.

Donald Trump said that if President Obozo releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obozo said he won’t run for a second term if Trump releases that thing on his head.

Gary Busey said he would vote for Donald Trump. Now Trump just needs to get the endorsements of Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen.

Speaker of the House John Boehner says he will not host a Cinco de Mayo celebration this year. Boehner says he has nothing against Hispanic Americans, and in fact his speaker of the housekeeper is Mexican.

Forty percent of Americans say they would rather cut their own hair than do their taxes. And then there are people that would rather do neither. Hey! Don't be talkin' about my pal, Willie Nelson!

President Obozo will participate in a town hall meeting hosted on Facebook. So just like everyone else in America, Obozo will be on Facebook when he should be working.

Elton John announced that he will be doing three years of shows at Caesars Palace. In case you don’t know it, it’s a gaudy old landmark that’s past its best.....and Caesars Palace is a casino.

This Date In History: 1769; Ottawa Indian chief Pontiac murdered. 1841; The first detective story, Edgar Allen Poe's Murders in the Rue Morgue was published. 1902; Marie and Pierre Curie isolated radium. 1912; The Boston Red Sox played their first game at Fenway Park. They beat the N.Y. Highlanders (who in 1913 would become known as the Yankees) 7-6.

1912; Bram Stoker, author of Dracula, died. 1971; The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the practice of busing for racial desegregation. 1999; Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold went on a shooting spree at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colo. 14 students (including the shooters) and 1 teacher were killed; 23 others were wounded.h

Picture Of The Day: Although i enjoy thinking about past loves, I remain a lone wolf at heart. I have, however, added some other pictures that remind me of young love, including three of my past girlfriends. You'll know 'em when you see 'em.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The illegal immigrant problem continues and although many just merely sneak across the border, some have been here on visas for as long as 15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster. You're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration. 2) Just think, all the problems we face in America today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

3) I think that if you tip the world over on its side, anything and everything that's illegal, loose or useless will land in Los Angeles. 4) My friend bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. He turned it on and went to sleep. While playing, the record got stuck and the next day he could speak Spanish, but with a stutter. 5) Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why and it told me it was none of my business.....and that's five!

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Commenting on a nearby person's "peaches" may not go down too well today. Avoid all sexy language in your lunch break. Day time television can motivate you to rethink the monotony of your life. If you pick yourself up by your shoe-strings you are likely to fall flat on your ass. A week of rest may be all you need for your broken leg to recover. Doctors may be stunned by a random discovery they make while examining you. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, by the time you get to yours, all the good shapes and sizes will have gone.

Birthdays: Daniel Chester French, sculptor 1850, Joan Miró, artist 1893, Lionel Hampton, vibraphonist and bandleader 1908, Tito Puente, musician, jazz percussionist 1923, Jessica Lange, actress 1949.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A redhead, brunette, and blonde are all in the hospital waiting to give birth. The redhead turns to the brunette and says, "I was on top so I'm going to have a girl" The brunette looks at the redhead and says, "Well, I was on the bottom so I'm going to have a boy." All of a sudden they both hear sniffling, turn to look at the blonde and she is crying. They say, "What's the matter, honey?" The blonde says with a sad face, "I'm gonna have a puppy....."

Three women were about to be executed. One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde. The guard brought the first woman, the brunette, forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no, and the executioner shouted, "Ready ... Aim ... !! and suddenly the brunette yelled, "Earthquake!". Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.

They brought up the redhead and asked if she had any last requests. She said no, and the executioner shouted "Ready ... Aim ...!! and suddenly the redhead yelled "Tornado!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.

By now, the blonde had it all figured out. They brought her forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no and the executioner shouted, "Ready ... Aim ... !! and the blonde yelled, "Fire!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Ben and Maude had gotten up in years, and their memories weren't quite what they used to be. They found it beneficial to write things down so as not to forget them.

One evening they were sitting in the parlor and Maude said, "Ben, be a dear and go to the kitchen and fix me a dish of ice cream and put some chocolate syrup and peanuts on it. And, Ben, write it down so you don't forget the peanuts." Ben said, "That's a good idea, Dear."

Ben said, and wrote it on the notepad and headed for the kitchen. Ben was in the kitchen for a while, and returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. Maude looked at it and said, "Oh Ben, you forgot the breakfast toast."

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an old and an old lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The man picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat! When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years. They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down ?" The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or down ?" She replied, "Up." This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!" She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were hump or drown."

That's it for today, my little buttercups. Today's post is brought to you by Oil of Oláy, the favorite oil of Spanish bull fighters. Remember, a married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. It's Hump Day and happy hour in AREA 51 sounds inviting. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Your senior citizen jokes always make me laugh.

Donna C. said...

First time reading.........what a fascinating and entertaining read! Very enjoyable!

natalie said...

Dear Jimmy,
One of my favs was the comment about how the President wastes time on Facebook like the rest of America instead of working! lol!:)
Hey those dogs were silly ..but the wolf! She was beautiful!
How is your cat doing? Have a wonderful holiday weekend! hugs
p.s. come visit!

Ally Lifewithally said...

Have a Happy Easter weekend ~ and thanks for a lovely read ~ Ally x