Friday, April 8, 2011

Congress: The Epitome Of Incompetence !

I read a comment on Facebook about the looming government shutdown which I found to be amusing, yet true. According to reports, if the government shuts down tonight due to our very inept congress, all "non-essential" government workers will be laid off. The commenter asked, "If there are "non-essential" government workers, why are they there in the first place?"

The only thing about a government shut down that really annoys me is that our Armed Forces will not be paid timely and President Obozo and our asshole congress will be paid. What's wrong with that picture?

The men and women of the armed forces, who dedicate their lives to defend our country, will be paid, sooner or later. But if anyone can remember being between the age of eighteen and twenty-five, living paycheck-to-paycheck was an everyday actuality. Combine that fact with the thought of being alone and away from home, that paycheck is heavily counted on.

Meanwhile, our president (also known as the messiah or the anointed one) has delivered on less than 30% of his shuck and jive campaign promises, yet will still be paid. The lying, thieving, do nothing congress will also be paid timely.

Other than my sentiments for the military, I say let the government shut down! They haven't accomplished anything anyway.....

The News As I See It: If Congress can’t agree on a budget by midnight tonight, the government will shut down. Democrats are demanding to tax all of the people’s money and use it to fund abortions, while the Republicans want to sell the country to Exxon Mobile and relocate gays to Puerto Rico.

The White House might have to lay off staff members if the government shuts down on tonight. It’s really bad news for non-essential workers — you know, interns, pages, Joe O'Biden.

Southwest Airlines has a new slogan: "Forty percent off your tickets, 30 percent off the plane."

Members of Congress will still get paid if there’s a shutdown. So it will be just like it is now. We’ll be paying them to do nothing. The most embarrassing part is that by the weekend, our government could be shut down, but Moammar Gadhafi’s government could still be working.

President Obozo announced that he will run for re-election in 2012. His new slogan is "Change you can believe in — this time, I promise."

If there’s a government shut down, federal meat inspections may be delayed. In other words, Taco Bell will not be affected.

This Date In History: 1513; Ponce de León claimed Florida for Spain. 1913;The 17th Amendment was ratified, requiring the direct election of U.S. senators by popular vote rather than by the state legislators. 1935; The Works Progress Administration (WPA) was approved by Congress to help alleviate joblessness during the Great Depression.

1946; The League of Nations assembled for the last time. 1973; Artist Pablo Picasso died. 1974; Henry "Hank" Aaron hit the 715th home run of his career, breaking Babe Ruth's record. 1986; Actor Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, California. 1992; Tennis ace Arthur Ashe announced that he had AIDS.

Picture Of The Day: I was fortunate enough to find a recent picture of a Texas congressman who had a run-in with a Texas cowboy. The cowboy was uninjured in the fracas and the congressman wound up the way most Senators and Congressmen should wind up, or should I say coiled?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have. 2) Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. 3) I have discovered the whole problem with the National Debt. Most of us work 5 days a week, and the government spends 7. 4) A penny saved is a government oversight. 5) I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, "If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.".....and that's five!

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Aries - April 8th: Telling tall tales is pretty much what keeps you going. Banning people from your house can work, especially if reinforced with large heavy blocks of swingable wood. Old wives tales aren't smutty recollections of sexual conquests. Alcohol will be your best friend, not a dog...well, perhaps a dog who's been pickled in alcohol. Many of the people around you will turn out to be lying scheming bastards, this week.

Watch out for overweight dogs when it's raining. If you don't wear glasses now, the chances are that you're going to need to after an upcoming sports accident. The best you could ever really hope for will appear to you today in a dream. Although this vision may appear to look like you with a handlebar moustache, the truth is even more frightening. Timid creatures are often those to find first love. Be less brash, learn to control your flailing arms, and try not to fart in mixed company.

Birthdays: The very sweet Lynne Happy Birthday Baby! 19XX, Harvey Williams Cushing, neurosurgeon 1869, Mary Pickford, actress 1893, Sonja Henie, skater 1912, Betty Ford, former First Lady 1918, John Havlicek, basketball 1940, Michael Bennett, choreographer 1943, Barbara Kingsolver, writer 1955, Patricia Arquette, actress 1968.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in "the act." Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Daddy, seeing that Johnny's asking uncomfortable questions, asks little Johnny to go back to his room and continues on. As little Johnny slowly walks towards the door, mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said, "Since his birthday is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift he requests."

Two days before his birthday, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train running in the family room and when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning against the damn garage."

On his birthday, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another pile in the family room. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage. Johnny walked to his friends house with a curious look on his face. His friend asked, "What did you get for your birthday?" Johnny replied, "I think I got a dog, but I can't find the son-of-a-bitch!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

One day, Mom was cleaning junior's room, and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "Sir, Can you help me please? I've lost my Grandpa!" The cop asked, "Don't worry son, we'll find your Grandpa. What's he like?" The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits."

A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings. The little boy said, "Mommy, what are all those ladies doing?" His mother replied, "They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work." The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative. After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?" His mother repied, "They mostly become cab drivers."

That's it for today my little rubber baby buggy bumpers. Remember, I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. I sure am happy today's Friday! AREA 51 is looking good! Have a fantastic weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

I guess you know that AREA 51 loses it's funding at midnight, wait though, is it essential?

Take care and I hope we are here tomorrow.

BTW We found Spring, it has been hiding in Tennessee!!
Sherry & Jack

Julie said...

Great post as usual and you nailed our useless government on the head. That snake must be over 7 feet tall, sheesh.

Joann said...

I LOVED THIS post!!! You are right on about the government!!

Woody said...

Great Post, liked that snake photo, we are getting used to the cold again !! but fall will be here soon and its back south again !
you take care,

Ally Lifewithally said...

Thanks again for a great read Jimmy ~ your government sounds very much like ours :O) ~ Ally x