Monday, August 15, 2011

We Need To Thin The Herd

I've always been an independent person, opting for self employment rather having to function under the direction of others. This, of course, means that there is not a weekly paycheck unless I am successful in my endeavors for the week. One thing that I do believe in is playing by the rules.

Whether one opts for the safety of a guaranteed weekly paycheck by working for others or decides to work for one's self, I believe that the majority of the people also believe in playing by the rules.

The city of Philadelphia has been inundated of late by "flash mobs", marauding mobs of thugs, who roam the streets, wreaking havoc on businesses while terrifying and sometimes attacking pedestrians.

In London, recent rioting and looting has been blamed in part on groups of thugs using Twitter, mobile phone text messages and instant messaging on BlackBerry to organize and keep a step ahead of police.

While curfews and a increased police presence have somewhat slowed these idiots, it seems to me that the respective governments need to seriously deal with these misfits. If you're old enough to commit the crime, you're old enough to be prosecuted for the crime. Additionally, parents of these thugs need to be held responsible as well.

Personally, I believe that if a few of these idiots were taken down by police gunfire, the problem would cure itself relatively fast. But, that's just me.....

The News As I See It: The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it’s a little frustrating when you try to text "Burglar! Please hurry!," and your cell phone auto-corrects to "Burger, please. Hungry."

A new study found that 20 percent of Internet time is spent on social networking sites. The other 80 percent is spent hiding a Facebook window behind Excel.

President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are confusion, delusion, and desperation.

The Republicans had their big debate in Iowa. You know who the winner was? Anyone that didn’t watch.

It's the 76th anniversary of social security. I mention it because there’s no guarantee that there will be a 77th.

This Date In History: 1057; Macbeth, king of Scotland, was killed by Malcolm Canmore. 1911; Proctor & Gamble Company introduced Crisco vegetable shortening. 1935; Aviator Wiley Post and actor Will Rogers were killed in a plane crash. 1939; The Wizard of Oz premiered in Hollywood.

1947; The Indian Independence Bill created the two independent states of India and Pakistan. 1948; South Korea became the Republic of Korea. 1969; Woodstock Music and Art Fair opened at Max Yasgur's dairy farm in Bethel, New York.

1998; A car bomb in Omagh, Northern Ireland, killed 29 people. It was the deadliest act of violence in more than 30 years of "Troubles." 2001; Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar system outside our own.

Picture Of The Day: It's eclectic day.....nothing in particular yet each has it's own merit.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) So the woman with the hairy legs said to me, "You might not be the best looking guy here, but handsome is only a light switch away." 2) This "Google" thing really doesn't work as well as they claim it does. I searched for cigarette lighters today and all I found was 15,000 matches. 3) It's easy to get some lumber, nails and a saw and build something. Anybody can do that. What's hard to do is take a nap while someone is hammering and sawing. 4) I visited the Central Park Zoo in New York City and they displayed the name of the animal with it's Latin name underneath. Where I come from, they have the name of the animal and a recipe underneath. 5) My Asian lady friend asked me about an "erection" and I asked her what she wanted to know. She said, "No reason, I was just wondering who you voted for".....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Leo - August 15th: It's going to be a great day, Tater! Stop off for some Cuban coffee at that little cafe you like and pay close attention to that special someone you've been eyeing. I wouldn't use that shortcut you usually take. Take the scenic route. It's a little longer but it's worth it. Oh...and never trust a naked bus driver.

Birthdays: Napoleon I, emperor of the French 1769, Walter Scott, writer 1771, Ethel Barrymore, actress 1879, Edna Ferber, author 1887, T. E. Lawrence, adventurer 1888, Julia Child, chef 1912.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An older man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" The husband replies, "Oh, she’s my mistress." His wife says, "Well, that’s the last straw! I’ve had enough and I want a divorce."

Her husband calmly says, "I can understand that, but remember, if we get a divorce, it means that you don’t get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. His wife asks, "Who’s that woman with Jimmy?" Her husband says, "That’s his mistress." His wife replies, "Ours is prettier...."

An older man concluded his lecture with a note of caution, "You don’t want to try these techniques at home. Somebody from the audience asked, "Why not?" The old man said, "I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years. She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'"

The person in the audience asked, "Did it save time?" The old man said, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt and my pal Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

Boudreaux was out in the field talking with his friend Thibodeaux. Thibodeaux said, "Boudreaux, you see dat ole barn out dere? Well man, its completely infestered wit rats. I tried everything I know and can't get rid of dem." Boudreaux says, "Thibodeaux, I know exactly how to get rid of dem rats. You gotta get you one of dem bull constriptors."

Thibodeaux says, "Whats a bull constriptor?" Boudreaux explains, "Man, dat's one of dem big ole snakes and he loves to eat rats and swallers dem whole, all at once". The next day, Thibodeaux went down to Kliberts reptile farm and bought the biggest boa constricter they had. He brought the snake to the barn, let him loose and just sat there and watched. The big snake just curled up and slept all day.

Thibodeaux got real frustrated and called up Boudreaux on the phone "Boudreaux, man dat's some bad advice bout dat snake. Dem rats is still runnin' all around and dat snake jus lays dere sleepin' all day long." Boudreaux says, "Man, Thibodeaux, I know just what to do. Give dat snake some Viagra." Thibodeaux say, "What? Viagra! What's dat gonna do?" Boudreaux say,"I was just listening to da radio and da man say dat Viagra is da best thing to use for a reptile dysfunction."

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand. He says to the Italian guy, "You’re in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he says, "You’re in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You’re in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, "Why didn’t you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin’ him neither."

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent. Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "Supplies!!!"

An old cowboy sat down at the cafe and ordered a cup of coffee.As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows and fixing fences, so I guess I am a cowboy."

The young woman said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

That's it for today my little hot cakes. Remember, be nice to your kids. They'll be the ones choose your nursing home. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

A good entry, today.
We agree on crowd control.

I giggled at the reptile dysfuction and I laughed at the Supplies! But it broke my heart to know that The Duke was a lesbian.

I have been telling cowboy stories to my grand kids, now I must go back and correct them. Ahhhh Life ain't right sometime.

Just think, what will Paula do when she finds out about JOHN.

Enjoy your week!

Rose said...

Hey, Jack beat me to being the first comment today but I've been busy.

I still love the Printable Things I've Never Told You Section..

Too funny.............


Paula said...

You can tell Jack to---well never mind. I think I like your Asian lady friend's opinion of voting.

Ally Lifewithally said...

Wasn't that chap who won all that money Lucky to find the love of his life so soon !!!!!!!!
Jimmy thanks for the laughs ~ Ally x

Julie said...

I am playing catch up today and your blog is always the first thing I catch up on. Great entry as always.