Friday, August 5, 2011

Yay - Free Cell Phones !

Did you know that the government gives a free cell phone to any Low Income, Welfare or Medicaid recipient, including 250 free minutes? So, do you think that it's good that these families are helped or that it's government waste? Don't fret, either way, you pay for it.

What really happens is that cell phone companies add the cost of free phones for these recipients to those of us who actually pay for our cell phones. The Federal Communication Commission created what’s known as the Low Income Program of the Universal Service Fund, which subsidizes discounted or free phones.

What this means is that a few cents are added to most everyone’s phone bill each month and that money is used to make sure that high-quality telecommunication services are available to low-income customers.

This program was originally designed to help people in rural areas where land line phones were unavailable and it would be easier to give them a free cell phone rather than incur the cost of running phone lines to these areas. As cell phones were further developed, they eventually became a part of the program.

While I would agree that this program is good for people in rural areas and some Welfare recipients, to arbitrarily give them to anyone on welfare seems excessive and a waste of money. Poor people need shelter, food and clothing and these are necessities. To suggest that these people could not live without a cell phone is ludicrous, But, that's just me.....

The News As I See It: A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo in New York and wandered around the city. Either that or it was a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.

A man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk President Obozo into coming back and finishing his term.

The woman who attempted to rob Alex Trebek’s hotel room may face 25 years in prison. Even worse, while she’s waiting for the judge’s decision, they’ll make her listen to the music from "Jeopardy."

President Obozo signed the new debt bill into law. But it doesn't really solve the problem. Economists say in 10 years, the deficit will be $27 trillion. Obozo said, "Hey, in 10 years, that’ll be president Justin Bieber's problem."

Okra Winfrey will receive an honorary Oscar this year. Do people just hand Okra an award every time she shows up?

Political analysts say that Oprah Winfrey can help deliver to Obama the white, middle-class female vote. They also say Dr. Phil could deliver the fake doctor vote.

This Date In History: 1861; For the first time, the U.S. government levied an income tax. 1884; The cornerstone for the Statue of Liberty was laid on Bedloe's Island. 1914; The first electric traffic lights were installed in Cleveland, Ohio. 1962; Marilyn Monroe died.

1963; The United States, Britain, and the Soviet Union signed the limited Test Ban Treaty, which prohibited nuclear weapon tests in the atmosphere, in outer space, and underwater. 1969; The U.S. space probe Mariner 7 transmitted pictures of Mars.

1984; Joan Benoit won the first Olympic women's marathon. 2002; The gun turret of the Civil War ironclad USS Monitor was raised from the ocean floor.

Picture Of The Day: My kids were small the last time the Smurfs were in vogue. Now they have their own kids and they get to see what I went through. Smurf this and Smurf that............

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I told my blonde girlfriend that I was considering getting a vasectomy. She said, "What's wrong with your Cadillac?" 2) I playing love blackjack, but I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle. 3) I ate one anchovy and that is why I did not eat two anchovies. 4) When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out. 5) I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river and at the last minute, I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Leo - August 5th: Look for a really great bargain to fall into your lap if you go to the shopping mall this weekend. More importantly, remember to lock your purchases in the trunk because the thugs are always watching. Speaking of thugs, my ex-mother-in-law will be shopping the malls this weekend as well. Enough said! By the way, make sure you buy your significant other something too. If you don't have a significant other, buy yourself one of Michael Jackson's silver gloves.....

Birthdays: Guy de Maupassant, author 1850, Conrad Aiken, author 1889, John Huston, filmmaker 1906, Neil Armstrong, American astronaut, first man on the moon 1930, Patrick Ewing, basketball player 1962.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter’s helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look and said, "That sure is a nice fire truck." The girl replied, "Thank you." The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. The firefighter said, "Little partner, I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. He said to his mother, "Mommy, are these my brains?" His mother replied. "Not yet."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Pat in the UK and Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. The husband says, "Not a chance, it's 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

His wife asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, "Just some drunk guy asking for a push." She asks, "Did you help him?" The husband says, "No, I did not, it’s 3:00 in the morning and it’s pouring rain out there!"

His wife says, "Well, you have a short memory. Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" The drunk relies, "Yes." The husband says, "Do you still need a push?" The drunk answers, "Yes, please!" The husband asks, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here on the swing."

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times till her husband says, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

She answers with a seductive smile, "Yes....." Her husband says, "Thank God for that. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa." (He never heard the gunshot.)

That's it for today my little tumbleweeds. Remember, in an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. I'm off to AREA 51 for a little rest and recreation. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

It has been 55 years since studying French. Only used it once, that was with a French guy in Italy. He explained to me in English that I could not speak French. Tonight I say Jimmy has
Guy de Maupassant's name in his blog, that is the only thing I learned in French, how to pronounce his name.(I hear) That is not how you pronounce it.
Thanks for one more laugh Sherry had!

Paula said...

I can't wait for morning to tell John about the cell phones. I'll wager a bet the five overweight people who don't work and live in the farm house has a cell phone each.

Julie said...

He never heard the shotgun, ha! Love your jokes.