Friday, March 15, 2013
Run The Government Like We Have To Run Our Households
City, state and the American government should be run the same way a family is run. Monthly bills and purchases are paid from income earned. The bottom line, if you don't have enough money, you must logically cut your budget and/or do without.
The word "logically" is used for the "hard of understanding" and meant to imply that cuts should be made by eliminating the least needed expense in the budget. For example, a family would cut cable television before opting not to purchase food or pay the rent.
This is a concept that is currently being practiced by most families after the economy went into the toilet after 8 years of Bush and 5 years of Obama. That said, it stands to reason that if the American public is being told to tighten our belts, then city, state and federal governments should practice what they preach and do the same.
In his "Wastebook 2012" report, Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma pointed to 100 items including tax breaks to highly profitable sports leagues like the NFL, NASA funding to develop meals for a Mars mission that may not take place for decades and thousands of dollars for scientists to build a "robosquirrel" to see if rattlesnakes would try to eat it. $27 million spent by the U.S. Agency for International Development to train Moroccans to make and sell pottery around the world.
$27 million to train Moroccans to make and sell pottery? Screw Morocco! The White House cannot be open to visitors and National Parks are cutting the days the parks can be seen and reducing or furloughing employees? America, from the white house to the congress and down to state and local government, is being run by assholes!
The News As I See It: We have a new Pope! He is Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio from Argentina, a 76-year-old man with only one lung. This could be just the burst of youth and vitality the Catholic Church needs.
Tens of millions of Hispanics celebrated Pope Francis and that was just in Los Angeles. People all over the world celebrated differently. In Rome they prayed. In Dublin, they sang. In New York, they chugged super-sized Mountain Dews.
The Cardinals' job is not done yet. The 115 cardinals are going to stay in Rome a few extra days and try to find a replacement for Joy Behar on "The View."
While Washington is in the middle of a budget crisis, the White House is facing criticism for spending $250,000 a year on calligraphy. You can tell you're spending way too much money on calligraphy when you spend any money on calligraphy.
This Date In History: 44 B.C.; On the “Ides of March,” Julius Caesar was stabbed to death in the senate house by a group of conspirators led by Cimber, Casca, Cassius, and Marcus Junius Brutus.
1493; Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first visit to the Western Hemisphere. 1820; Maine became the 23rd state. 1917; Nicholas II, the last czar of Russia, is forced to abdicate his throne (March 2, old style calendar).
1937; The first hospital blood bank in the United States was established, in Chicago, at Cook County Hospital. 1965; President Lyndon Johnson asked Congress for legislation guaranteeing every American the right to vote.
2003; Hu Jintao was chosen to replace Jiang Zemin as the president of China. 2004; Scientists reported the discovery of Sedna, the most distant object in the solar system.
Picture Of The Day: Pals.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Accidents don't just happen, they must be carelessly planned. 2) I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. 3) I was walking down the street with a friend, and he said, "I hear music." I said, "That's how I receive it too." 4) I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later. 5) I can't wait to finish today's post, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 15th: Romance is definitely in the air this month, although you may find it clouded by other emotions or possibly smells. Like your life, peanuts can be dried, roasted, blanched and put inside little potato coatings.
Birthdays: Andrew Jackson, 7th president of the United States 1767, Emil von Behring physician 1854, Liberty Hyde Bailey botanist 1858, Lawrence Sanders novelist 1920, Ruth Bader Ginsburg associate justice 1933.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
Fred replied, "Outstanding! They taught us all the latest psychological, visualization and association techniques. It made a huge difference for me." His friend said, "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"
His friend said, "You mean a rose?" Fred said, "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife and said, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
Two old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science when one brings up the latest male medical miracle, Viagra. The other wasn't familiar with Viagra and asked the first man what it was for.
The first man said, "It's the greatest thing I've ever known. The Fountain of Youth! Makes you feel like a man of 30." The second then asked, "Can you get it over the counter?" The first man said, "You probably could, if you took 2 pills."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Smoking these jokes may be hazardous to your health; No animals were used to test the hilarity of these jokes. You need not be present to win; Some assembly required; Batteries not included; Action figures sold separately; If ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a humorologist; jokes are ribbed for your pleasure.
A sailor meets a pirate in a bar and they take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch. The sailor asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out a shark bit my leg off." The sailor said, "Wow!"
The sailor asked, "What about your hook"? The pirate said, "While my men and I were plundering in the middle east, I was caught stealing from a merchant and the punishment for theft in the middle east is the loss of the hand that steals." The sailor answered, "Incredible!"
The sailor inquired, "How did you get the eyepatch?" The pirate replied, "A sea gull shit in my eye." The sailor said incredulously, "You lost your eye to sea gull shit?" The pirate said, "Well, it was my first day with the hook."
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note....romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove."
"These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart."
"I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. "
"When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. "
"Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love. "
An old couple walked into the doctor's office. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again, the old man says, "What?" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"
That's it for today, my little June bugs. Remember, today's stories and humor does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my friends or my cat, Possum S. Hemmingway (especially Possum). Don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.
That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !