Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Big Bang Theory

"The Big Bang Theory" is probably the best sit-com currently on TV. It is well written and casted. All of the characters fit their parts well. "Rules of Engagement" is another exceptional good show. "Two and A Half Men" is still holding it's own although replacing Charlie Sheen with Aston Kutcher was a bad move and the television ratings reflect that.

One of the best kept secrets on TV is "Hot in Hollywood" but is hidden away on the TVLand network. The show is also well written and very funny.

Reruns of "Seinfeld" and the original "Two and A Half Men" are always amusing but I'm beginning to know every line by heart.

It's difficult to find anything decent on TV when the networks would rather pay for reality show garbage instead of hiring good writers and actors. As long as the viewing public continues to watch that crap and they hold their own in the ratings, that's the type of programming you'd better get used to.

The News As I See It: Dennis Rodman visited North Korea. Rodman came back and said President Obama should call North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. But President Obama was busy discussing Iran's nuclear capabilities with Scottie Pippen and Shaquille Oneal.

As Obama and Janet "Rocky" Napolitano warned of possible TSA layoffs and furloughs due to sequestration, at the eleventh hour TSA purchased new uniforms totaling 50 million dollars for it's agents.

After hearing Sean Penn espouse ignorant and pitiful remarks concerning the death of Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chaves, I have come to the conclusion the Penn was cast perfectly in the role of "Spicoli" in Fast Times At Ridgemont High.":

Kenya is holding elections for the first time since 2007. It's getting nasty. Each presidential candidate is accusing the others of being born in Kenya.

Horse meat was found in some products at Taco Bell, which explains Taco Bell's new slogan, "You can lead a horse to Taco Bell. We will take it from there."

Obama's half-brother is running for office in Kenya. He's a political novice who was born and raised in Africa. I don't know much about his half-brother.

This Date In History: 1836; The Alamo fell to Mexican forces. 1857; The Supreme Court ruled in Dred Scott v. Sandford that slaves were not citizens. 1930; Clarence Birdseye started to sell prepackaged frozen food for the first time, in Springfield, Massachusetts.

1957; The former British colonies of Togoland and the Gold Coast united to form independent Ghana. 1981; Walter Cronkite, "the most trusted man in America," retired from the CBS Evening News and was replaced by Dan Rather. 1997; Queen Elizabeth II launched the first royal website.

Picture Of The Day: Although "The Big Bang Theory" cast, writers  and crew are great, it doesn't hurt that co-star Kaley Cucuo is breathtaking as well.... 

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I die, on my tombstone I want to replace "R.I.P." with "BRB (LOL)". 2) Sixty percent of all pit bull attacks occur when tying the bandanna around its neck and putting the sunglasses on its face. 3) Imagine if you were a drummer and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup. 4) If you have to release bad news to the public, it helps if you are not ugly. 5) I went to a bar that had a black light and everybody looked cool......except for me. I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 6th: Filling the gap in your love life can be done with Ghirardelli dark chocolate and Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream. However, it generally is much easier not to eat that stuff and go out and find love. It is likely to be hiding at either your neighborhood coffee shop or your local supermarket.

Birthdays: Savinien Cyrano de Bergerac, poet 1619, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, poet 1806, Lou Costello, comedian, actor 1906, Alan Greenspan, chairman of the Federal Reserve 1926, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, writer 1928, Rob Reiner, actor, director, producer 1947, Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player 1972.

A Farmer was denied a permit to build a horse shelter so he built a giant table and chairs which do not need permits.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A rescue team finally finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone with a huge pile of human bones next to him and the rescuers are shocked.

He says, "You can't judge me for this. I had to survive." The leader of the rescue team says, "But damn, man, your plane only went down three days ago."

A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole.

He watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them.

Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk.

As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring......

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.

The man said, "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister." When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month in living expenses.

That's it for today, my little chicklets. Remember, although love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Great read, the sucking your thumb had to do with how your teeth grew in. I think it is important for a child not to suck their thumb, Imma wondering.....

But as the big bang thing, I know you are a youngster, but The bang I remember was, "Baby let me Bang your Box" something about a piano if I am not mistaken. Several groups sang it.
Probably not the same.
have fun at the AREA51, remember smile, no matter what she says.

Paula said...

Good to be back reading your jokes. Last week when I watched The Hoarders I took a pickup load to Salvation Army the next morning so don't knock all those shows. What ever it takes.