Monday, May 20, 2013

Ignorance Is Bliss

The good thing about listening to ongoing confessions, it pleases me to watch the Kool-Aid drinkers fall on their swords, one by one. Sooner or later, there will be no more apologists or protectionists to rally the sheep and one man will finally have to face the truth.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney acknowledged on Monday that senior staffers to Barack Obama were informed in late April that a forthcoming audit of the IRS would reveal that officials there had targeted conservative groups. Nevertheless, Carney said, they did not warn Obama about the scandal (sure they didn't) soon to hit his administration.

Speaking to reporters at his daily briefing, Carney said White House Counsel Kathy Ruemmler told top staffers that an inspector general audit was near completion after she herself was notified of the audit on April 24. Carney said Ruemmler had told Chief of Staff Denis McDonough about the forthcoming report but he did not name (they never do) the other staffers who were briefed. Carney himself was kept in the dark (of course he was).

He said nobody saw an actual draft of the report. Either way, aides decided not to tell Obama about the upcoming bombshell, partly because it would have been inappropriate to intervene and partly because the contents of the report could have changed before its formal release (Yep, now drink the Kool-Aid!).

My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and families of the people who were injured or killed in today's tornadoes and storms in Oklahoma.

The News As I See It: Last week marked the 37th time House Republicans tried to repeal Obamacare. If Republicans really wanted to do away with Obamacare they should just endorse it as a conservative non-profit and let the IRS take it down.

Obama announced the appointment of a new acting commissioner of the IRS because the other guy was fired. See, they're called "acting commissioner" because you have to act like the scandal doesn't involve the White House.

Many critics are now comparing Obama to President Nixon. The good news for Obama? At least he's no longer being compared to President Carter.

Chinese authorities recently arrested over 900 people for selling counterfeit mink. China warned the U.S. that the meat's being sold under the name of "Arby's."

JC Penny has a new ad out. It thanks customers for coming back to them. Then the customers explained they're coming back to return crap from JC Penny.

American Idol is in trouble in the ratings these days. They are down 40 percent since last year. This season, "American Idol" was beaten by "Duck Dynasty" in the ratings. You know, the show with two dudes sitting in a tree with one saying, "That a duck?", and the other one replying, "No, looks more like a quail."

Duck Dynasty is like Honey Boo Boo if you replaced the little girl with a chubby duck.

This Date In History: 1506; Christopher Columbus died in Spain. 1861; North Carolina voted to secede from the Union. 1927; Charles Lindbergh began the first solo nonstop transatlantic flight, departing from Long Island aboard the Spirit of Saint Louis.

1932; Amelia Earhart took off from Newfoundland to become the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic. 1961; A mob attacked a busload of "freedom riders" in Montgomery, Alabama, setting the bus on fire.

1978; Mavis Hutchinson, 53, became the first woman to run across America. The 3,000-mile trek took her 69 days. She ran an average of 45 miles each day.

1996; In a 6-3 vote, the Supreme Court rejected a Colorado measure banning laws that protect homosexuals from discrimination. 2002; East Timor became the newest nation.

Picture Of The Day: Cute....and the horsie's not too shabby either.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I imagine the discovery of fruit went like this: "Ok, so far you've named the red one apple and the yellow one banana. What about the orange one?......Really? (sigh). 2) I think that a group of squid should be called a squad. 3) If you decapitate a vegan, they can continue to talk about being a vegan for another 6 minutes. 4) "Jesus Take The Wheel" is a country music song. It was inspired by Mexicans stripping a car.5) I saw a bumper sticker that said either "support your local beaver" or "support your local brewer". Either way. it's sound advice.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - May 20th: Romance is in the air today, just over the north of France. If you don't happen to be near the north of France, then chances are you're going to strike out again this week. However, wind directions can vary as much as the accuracy of these horoscopes, so don't panic yet! I would estimate that at least fifty percent of your efforts today will go, not only unrewarded, but also unnoticed.

Birthdays: William Thornton, architect 1759, Dolley Madison, American First Lady 1768, Honoré de Balzac, novelist 1799, John Stuart Mill, philosopher 1806, James Stewart, actor 1908, Moshe Dayan, military leader 1915, Cher, singer actress, 1946.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall, an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.

She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no, not the Breathalyzer test again!"

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."

And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.

Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" The female statue smiled and said, "Yeah, but this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man with tickets to the Super Bowl finds his seat and relaxes. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. He says, "No." The stranger says, "The seat is empty? That's incredible. Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not use it?"

The man says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

The stranger replies, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. Couldn't you find someone else?....a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head and replies, "No, they're all at the funeral."

TA man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands,certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

The IRS genie says, "Well kid, you know how it works. You have three wishes." The man says, "I'm not falling for this. I'm not going to trust an IRS agent." The IRS genie says, "You might as well it. looks like your a goner anyway." The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

The man says, "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." *POOF* The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

The IRS genie says, "OK, kid, what's your second wish." The man says, "My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." *POOF* The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

The IRS genie says, "OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the man says, "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me." *POOF* He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story? If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.

That's it for today, my little lamb chops. Remember, women don't consider it chivalrous when you open bathroom stall doors for them.

That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Hey Jimmy, I been thinking, you should send this stuff to AOL for news, you beat the heck out of them every entry!

Enjoyed the read and I ain't touching the Breathalyzer joke!
Nite to thee!

Paula said...

Like the pigeon and statue joke.