Monday, May 13, 2013

Kermit Gosnell found Guilty Of Murder !

Kermit Gosnell, the 72-year-old Philadelphia abortion doctor who has been on trial for the deaths of four babies and one woman, has been found guilty of three counts of first degree murder.

As a man, I've always thought that a woman's body belongs to her and she has the right to make the decisions involved in same. The laws of the land, however, have set certain standards that affect pregnant women.

Be that as it may, I could not personally turn my back on any defenseless child who is alive at birth. Furthermore, I cannot turn my back on defenseless animals either. The pros and cons for abortion lie in an area I'd rather not address, but once born, life should be respected and all attempts made to preserve it.

The Internal Revenue Service apologized to Tea Party groups and other conservative organizations on Friday for what it now says were overzealous audits of their applications for tax-exempt status.

Lois Lerner, the director of the I.R.S. division that oversees tax-exempt groups, acknowledged that the agency had singled out nonprofit applicants with the terms "Tea Party" or "patriots" in their titles in an effort to respond to a surge in applications for tax-exempt status between 2010 and 2012.

Lerner insisted that the move was not driven by politics, but she added, "We made some mistakes; some people didn’t use good judgment. For that we’re apologetic."

What? If anyone of us pulled that type of ruthless stunt against the IRS, we'd be handcuffed, paraded in front of the media and hung from the nearest tree. These biased actions need to be dealt with by Congress!

The News As I See It: Obama was in Texas on his "Middle-class jobs and opportunity tour." Don’t confuse that with his first term. That was the "Middle-class jobs and missed opportunity tour." While Obama was in Texas, he told people to "Remember the Alamo and forget about Benghazi."

Minnesota is legalizing gay marriage. Unfortunately, there are no gays in Minnesota. Next, Minnesota is going to legalize the Tony Awards.

Obama has been going around the country to rally support for his economic plan, and yesterday he said that a lot of sectors of our economy are doing better. When pressed for examples, Obama said, "Uh — the 'Iron Man' sequel sector?"

Whole Foods is apologizing for switching the labels on some salads, which caused vegans to accidentally eat chicken. So if you're a vegan who mistakenly ate one of the salads, that's why it was so delicious.

Fifth Third Bank? I don't think you understand how to number things, which is something I generally look for in a bank.

What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film? Do they list that in the credits? "Tim hurt one monkey and he is very sorry."

This Date In History: 1568; Mary Queen of Scots was defeated at the Battle of Langside and immediately fled to North England. 1846; The United States formally declared war on Mexico after several days of fighting.

1938; Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded the New Orleans jazz classic, "When the Saints Go Marching In", on Decca Records. 1940; Winston Churchill gave his first speech as prime minister: "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat."

1973; Tennis male chauvinist Bobby Riggs defeated Margaret Smith Court, 6-2, 6-1 in front of a world-wide television audience. He would lose to Billie Jean King later that year. 1981; Pope John Paul II was shot and wounded by Mehmet Ali Agca as he drove through a crowd in St. Peter's Square, Rome.

Picture Of The Day: Ya wanna stop by my house for drinks?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Whenever my girlfriend and I share a meal, I let her have the first bite because I'm a gentleman and also, to see if it's been poisoned. 2) I dropped off my mother-in-law at the airport. Her flight isn't until Tuesday, but with security and all, it's best to play it safe. 3) When I get a call from an unknown number, I answer by whispering, "It's done, but there's blood everywhere!" 4) I only have 3 months left on that mirror I broke in 2006. 5) As it turns out, 5 foot penguins don't exist. In related news, I may have run over a nun......and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - May 13th: Your appetite may increase today as doctors finally remove the scissors they left inside you during your last operation. You will get an important phone call today, but you won't be able to find a pen to write down the message. The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you can't see the forest for the trees. If you find this is true for you, stop wandering in the forests and try checking out the local bars.

Birthdays: Maria Theresa, queen of Bohemia and Hungary 1717, Henry William Stiegel, iron and glass manufacturer 1729, Sir Arthur Sullivan, composer 1842, Georges Braque, painter 1882, Joe Louis, World Heavyweight champion boxer 1914, Harvey Keitel, actor 1939, Stevie Wonder singer, composer, producer 1950.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there." The next morning he got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

At the end of the 2011 tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of the local hospital. While the agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?" The CFO said, "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."

The auditor replied, "Oh", disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast?" The CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster." The auditor replied, "I see", thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO.

He went on, "What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?" The CFO answered, "Here, too, we do not waste. What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife, :Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck."

The husband continued, "If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

His wife responded, "He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too..."

A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender and said, "I'd like to apply for the job. I was an F-4 driver, flying off carriers back in 'Nam."

He continued, "When they retired the Phantom all the thrill was gone and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at Officer's Club happy-hour, so here I am."

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try? The seedy fighter-jockey staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered.

By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played. He said, "It's called 'Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You." After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he added, "I wrote it myself."

The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light Up."

He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song,"Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Center Line", then he excused himself and headed for the john.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey, fly boy, the job is yours but, do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?" The old fighter pilot replied, "Know it? Hell, I wrote it!"

That's it for today, my little daffy dills. Remember, being a parent is a lot like being a prison guard. Your main job is to make sure the kids don’t kill each other or escape.

That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

I always try to steer clear of something I know nothing about, personally. I believe I mirror your opinion of a woman’s body, and actual life.
On an obvious side:
I know exactly how that cat feels, yep that is toe cramps!!!

OK I admit it, I did belly laugh about the 5’ penguin.
And Imma loving the Hospital CFO!
Oh yeah I know a lot of jocks off carriers, I am sure I knew that guy! LOL
Good read!!

Paula said...

Laughing @ that good salad with chicken in it.