Friday, May 3, 2013

You Graduated From What College?

There's too many crappy on-line colleges vying for tuition dollars for careers that can can be described as "entry-level" at best. It seems every one is offering courses promising a career as some sort of technician or technical assistant.

Entry-level wages are tantamount to little more than minimum wage in many cases and the amount of time it would take to pay off the student loan suggests that some courses are hardly worth the effort.

Don't get me wrong. anyone trying to get a better education will usually do better than someone who does not try to advance their learning. The trick is to evaluate the cost of the course and the approximate amount of wages one can expect to earn with a degree in that particular course.

For example, a veterinary assistant or a nurse's assistant pays next to nothing in comparison to the cost of the course. The word technician is used so loosely today that even a worker at MacDonald's could be described as a technician.

Which reminds me of the fact that many clerks and order takers are now referred to as "account executives." Words can be cleverly used to disguise many things. If you don't believe be, the next time you take out the garbage ask your "sanitary engineer."

The News As I See It: Obama is in Mexico. He'll be on hand to celebrate Mexico's economic successes over the last few years. See, that’s how it works. If Obama wants to celebrate an economic success, he actually has to leave the country.

While in Mexico, Obama plans to promote his immigration policy. Is that really necessary? Seems the last place you have to promote immigration is Mexico. I think they've got it nailed down. That's like going to San Francisco to promote gay marriage.

In baseball news, the Chicago Cubs said they will move if improvements are not made to Wrigley Field and today Wrigley Field said it will move if improvements are not made to the Chicago Cubs. The Cubs want a bigger scoreboard. Wrigley Field reminded them that for the amount of runs they get, they don't need a  bigger scoreboard.

The U.S. government apparently spent millions of dollars in cash to fund various dubious government projects in Afghanistan — including solar panels and wind farms that never work. No wait, that's what we did here. I had it backwards.

Researchers now believe the first settlers who settled in America, in Jamestown, resorted to cannibalism. The first settlers ate each other. Good thing that didn’t catch on. Boy, that sure would have changed Thanksgiving.

Martha Stewart has signed up with, the dating thing, and she's been taking dating tips from the CEO of I'm thinking, "Wait a minute. That's insider dating."

This Date In History: 1937; Margaret Mitchell won the Pulitzer Prize in fiction for Gone With the Wind. 1948; The Shelley v. Kraemer Supreme Court decision stated that it is unconstitutional for a court to enforce a restrictive covenant which prevents people of a certain race from owning or occupying property.

1979; Margaret Thatcher became the first woman elected prime minister of England. 1986; At the age of 54, legendary horse jockey Bill Shoemaker became the oldest person to win the Kentucky Derby, riding Ferdinand to victory. 1999; Kansas and Oklahoma were hit by an outbreak of more than 55 tornadoes, including one measured at F5 on the Fujita scale.

2001; The United States, a member of the UN Human Rights Commission since its inception, lost its seat. It would be restored the following year. 2003; New Hampshire’s symbol, the granite Old Man of the Mountain, collapsed in the state’s Franconia Mountains.

Picture Of The Day: Zebras huddling on an African road.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When I read about Adam and Eve eating the apple, I remember thinking, "Well, that's a sin, but at least it's original." 2) My girlfriend told me she had an epiphany last night. I told her, "I know and that wasn't even my 'A' game." 3) Adulthood is like a dog going to the Vet. We're like all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going. 4) I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was the florist. 5) I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought. "These Taser guns are well worth the money.".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - May 3rd: During the week things will suddenly seem brighter, more vivid and happier. People you meet will see the difference in you, wondering "Did you get a haircut?" You will be complemented for your skill at navigating skills, including websites and grocery aisles. Whenever you feel unhappy today, smile and go to the toilet.

Birthdays: Niccolo Machiavelli, Italian author and statesman, one of the outstanding figures of the Renaissance 1469, Richard D'Oyly Carte, theatrical impresario 1844, Jacob Riis, social reformer 1849, Golda Meir, political leader 1898, Pete Seeger, folksinger and composer 1919, Sugar Ray Robinson, boxer 1920.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old man, very well dressed, walked into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar was an attractive older lady.

The gentleman walked over, sat along side of her, ordered a drink, took a sip, then turned to her and said, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

There was a woman who was very beautiful, except she had a hare lip. The woman was so embarrassed by her hare lip that she went into the woods to live all alone in a cabin, where no one would ever see her hare lip.

At the same time, there lived in the city a man with a wooden eye. He only had one real eye, but he was too poor to buy a glass eye, so he had a fake wooden eye made. He figured no normal woman would go out with him, but he heard about the woman with the hare lip and he thought maybe she would go out with him.

So, he wandered through the woods until he found her cabin and he knocked on the door. He was still worried about his wooden eye, but he figured she wouldn't say anything because she'd be so sensitive about her hare lip.

He knocked on the door, introduced himself and said, "Would you like to go out with me?" She was thrilled, because no one had ever asked her out before. He said again, "Would you like to go out with me?" She said, "Would I? Would I?" And he said, "Hare Lip! Hare Lip!" And neither of them were heard from again.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the Los Angeles airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz.. Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet. Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" The Southern lady replied, "My husband sent me to charm school." The first woman said, "Charm school? What on earth for?" The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying 'Who gives a shit?' I learned to say, 'Well, bless your heart'."

Two older women were having lunch together while discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman said, "I need to be honest with you. I'm getting a boob-job."

The second woman responded, "Oh, that's nothing. I'm thinking of having my arse-hole bleached!" The first woman said, "Oh dear! I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

That's it for today, my little eaglets. Remember, if you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

I agree with the intro and especially like the your view of the news.
Imma wondering things now, I have the nicest friend who is always saying 'Well bless your heart!'

Take care and have a good evening at Happy hour...

Rose said...

Well bless your heart! You had me on the floor with that one! hehehhehe

Paula said...

Well bless your heart Jimmy! Sure like those zebras.

Woody said...

Thank you for the TAC Award, I am honored !!! I do what I do because of the enjoyment it brings to me as well as those we serve.
Keep posting, I'll keep reading !!