Friday, February 28, 2014

Can I Have A Bite?

Everyone blames diet for childhood obesity. While important, the truth is that America's youth is fat because Phys-Ed (Physical Education) was taken out of schools. Combine this with cell phone mentality and the result is obvious.

In a televised discussion today, the panel was discussing the pros and cons of a healthier new menu being introduced in schools. One of the problems with the new menu was that children were not eating it and ended up skipping lunch, purchasing food from machines or going off campus to eat.

The only panel member that seem to understand the problem, brought up the subject that the schools went from the old menu to the new menu in one fell swoop. He suggested that the menu should have been changed gradually. While I agree, the problem is not caused solely by diet.

When I was in school, Phys-Ed was required every day. Moreover, almost everyone I knew enjoyed it. What we overlooked was that the exercises required before playing football or softball was keeping all of us in shape.

Importantly, cell phones didn't exist, so after chores and homework, most kids were outside playing. If you got thirsty, you drank water from the nearest garden hose and the games went on.

I don't recall seeing very many people in my school being overweight. When I view children arriving or leaving schools today, I'd say that up to half of them are overweight.

I'm somewhat incredulous that the subject of re-introducing Phys-Ed in schools to combat obesity never seems to be addressed, but that's just me.....

The News As I See It: This week Obama told his supporters that they are doing God's work by helping to promote Obamacare. God said, "Whoa, there! Obamacare.....that’s all you, man. Don’t involve me in that mess."

The supermarkets are selling something called "vegan burgers." Really? It's an oxymoron - unless they're burgers made from vegans. Taste the smug superiority!

Now that President Viktor Yanukovych’s gone, the Ukrainian people are going through the empty estate, where they've found a hovercraft, a yacht, a helicopter pad, and ostriches. They also found a painting of his brothers — Tito, Jermaine, Marlon, and Jackie.

A former Target employee is accusing the store of hiring only attractive people as managers. Apparently he's talking about a Target store I have never been to.

In California, the owner of a Christian medical marijuana dispensary says God told him to sell pot. The dispensary owner said it's right there in the book of Dude-eronomy.

A Florida man tattooed a spider on his face in an attempt to overcome his arachnophobia, which is a fear of spiders. The tattoo should also help him overcome his fear of employment.

Obama has announced that 4 million people have signed up for Obamacare. Obama said he wants to hit 7 million users by the end of March, at which point he'll sell it to Facebook for $10 billion.

This Date In History: 1953; James Watson and Francis Crick described their theory that two DNA strands were coiled in a double helix. 2014; Jimmy's Journal sets a new precedent in journalism by actually adding additional information to "This Date In History" because the author had never seen a day where only one thing happened.

Picture Of The Day: "Don't look now but there's a group of Republicans coming our way."

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The "eye roll" was created by Eve in the Garden of Eden within 15 min of her first conversation with Adam. 2) I call Realtors advertising on bus stop benches and ask them the bus schedule. 3) (Girlfriend): "You're cute when you're drunk" (Me): "You're cute when I'm drunk too." 4) How can so many people have this thought: "I'm going pretty bald on the top of my head, but at least I've got this bitchin' ponytail?" 5) If your girlfriend says she's going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall, you might be dating my ex-wife.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopePisces - February 28th: The best you could ever really hope for will appear to you today in a daydream. Although this vision may appear to look like you, the truth is even more frightening. You will overhear gossip today about your love life while you are on the toilet. You may have cause to damn your flatulent ways before you get to hear the really good part.

Birthdays: My friend June - Happy Birthday young lady! 19XX, Michel de Montaigne, essayist 1533, Rene Antoine Ferchault de Reaumu,r physicist and naturalist 1683, Mary Lyon, educator 1797, Ben Hecht, writer 1894, Bugsy Siegel, mobster 1906, Zero Mostel, actor 1915, Mario Andretti, auto racing driver 1940.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then, the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

She guessed, "Is it wine?" The boy replied, "No." She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?" The little boy said, "No, it's a puppy!"

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. The personnel director says, "You’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute." Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.

The director says, "You must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course.” This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

The director continues, "There’s one last requirement. You must be bilingual.” With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow.....!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." The second kid replies, "Whoa! Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

 Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a warning sign that read, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the door. Inside, he noticed a harmless little dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

The stranger asked the owner, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" The owner replied, "Yep, that’s him."

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. He said, "That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" The owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, everybody kept tripping over him."

That's it for today, my little hamburglars. Remember, the difference between a gun and your mother-in-law is that you can buy a silencer for a gun. I'm gonna slide over to AREA 51 for happy hour/

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

When you live under a rock like I do you say, “SAY WHAT? NO PHYS ED? I’d quit school, Oh I did anyway! I can’t believe we have no Phys. Ed., I started to ask when do you see the girls in shorts, lbut then that is another dumb question.

Good read. I didn’t know the Prez wus talking to God now!
Printables….I did laugh at #5, not loud, but I did laugh.

Like the pictures…
Imma laughing at the taste of champagne (She buys hers on the pier like I used to).

Love the bi lingual dude.
Careful at Area 51, Obama is the only president who has said those words, he says.

Paula said...

Wonder if the teacher liked her puppy?

Linda's World said...

Wondering if the police dog joke came from Possum?